Grass and trees
> > >GOD: St. Francis, you know all about gardens and nature. What in the >world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, > > >violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect, > > >no-maintenance garden plan. those plants grow in any type of soil, > > >withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long > > >lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of >songbirds. > > >I expected to see a vast garden of colors by now. But all I see are these > > >green rectangles. > > > > > >ST. FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. > > >They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to >kill them and replace them with grass. > > > > > >GOD: Grass? But it's so boring. It's not colorful. It doesn't attract > > >butterflies, birds and bees, only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to > > >temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing > > >there? > > > > > >ST. FRANCIS: Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and > > >keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning > > >any other plant that crops up in the lawn. > > > > > >GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really > > >fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. > > > > > >ST. FRANCIS: Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut > > >it -- sometimes twice a week. > > > > > >GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay? > > > > > >ST. FRANCIS: Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in >bags. > > >GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? > > > > > >ST. FRANCIS: No Sir. Just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. > > > > > >GOD: Now let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. > > >And when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? > > > > > >ST. FRANCIS: Yes, Sir. > > > > > >GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back >on > > >the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves >them > > >a lot of work. > > > > > >ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this Lord. When the grass >stops > > >growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so >they > > >can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. > > > > > >GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a >sheer > > >stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the > > >spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn they fall > > >to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and > > >protect the trees and bushes. Plus, as they rot, the leaves form compost >to > > >enhance the soil. It's a natural circle of life. > > > > > >ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new > > >circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and >pay > > >to have them hauled away. > > > > > >GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the >winter > > >and to keep the soil moist and loose? > > > > > >ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy >something > > >which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of > > >the leaves. > > > > > >GOD: And where do they get this mulch? > > > > > >ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. > > > > > >GOD: Enough. I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, > > >you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us >tonight? > > > > > >ST.CATHERINE: Dumb and Dumber, Lord. It's a real stupid movie about ..... > > > > > >GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis. ---- You are receiving this because you are subscribed to the list named "UnivCity." To unsubscribe or for archive information, see <http://www.purple.com/list.html>.
