Excitement is growing in the Penn village district as the "Party for the Plutocrats, Celebrate the Tyranny" gala draws near. Neighborhood criminals have been sufficiently warned by glorious civic gangs to stop complaining on the Lipserv and to "put your money where your mouth is." All the important rulers will be there as well.
For only $75, the excitement will kick off with the traditional ass kissing ceremony and finish up with the announcement of UCD gift prizes. For criminals behind in their UCD tribute, this may be your last opportunity to have the privilege of participating in the ass kissing ceremony and avoid the paddy wagons. FYI. As the lords of the civic gangs promenade into the Mount Olympus booze tent, the rabble will throw itself to the floor and pucker up as each Godlike official passes. Your performance in this ceremony will be video taped and it is vital to your long term safety in the village. Yes, all of the elite will be cheering as Lewis announces the new paddy wagon policy to cleanse the Penn park and make way for upscale fraternity hazing. As UCD always does, it's new paddy wagon service will be saving society from free speech, dogs, trash offending trustafarians and all sorts of other dirty animal like criminals. It is expected that pandemonium will break out when UCD announces that dirty rotten criminals infesting the good people's village will no longer be given luxurious due process, an antiquated concept. The video of the ass kissing ceremony filmed by the Secretary of FOCP, Brian Geekoid, will now be the deciding evidence that determines the fate of Clark park criminals. Isn't $75 a bargain? Would you rather end up in a cell with Sharrieff and that crazy, bizarre, horrible, evil Glenn Moyer waiting to sign your confession before flying off to Gitmo? Well OK, greedy lazy people. Keep your $75 in your pocket and consider yourselves warned. As for the door prizes, most will be T shirts with messages such as "Down with Free Speech," "poor people suck," and the crowd pleasing, "I love UCD." For one lucky criminal, the first prize will be a forehead tattoo with "Property Of Penn" placed just above the serial number. Penn police have been instructed to use lower voltage tazers when beating criminals that have this tattoo prominently displayed. So friends, neighbors, and criminals; pull out your $75 as the exciting event approaches. Haliburton has even donated a vomitorium for the event and you will find this strategically located between the Fiends of Corporate plutocracy, FOCP and the Spruce Hill Civic Ass, SHCA, tables. Have a good time, I'll be thinking of ya all from my prison cell. A bad, bad, animal like greedy criminal, Glenn
