On 5/14/07, Doc Baldy <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> Any neighbor interested in a claw-foot tub in reasonably good condition, For those thinking "what ever would I do with another claw-foot tub".... Why not turn it into a pond: http://kim.bio.upenn.edu/~fisher/pond1.jpg<http://kim.bio.upenn.edu/%7Efisher/pond1.jpg> http://kim.bio.upenn.edu/~fisher/pond2.jpg<http://kim.bio.upenn.edu/%7Efisher/pond2.jpg> Or perhaps a very large water bowl for a dog: http://kim.bio.upenn.edu/~fisher/pond3.JPG<http://kim.bio.upenn.edu/%7Efisher/pond3.JPG> Nothing about white cats in West University City Village. BUT I did have a
rabies scare with my pet 6-clawfoot tub the other day. As I mentioned, Gott(ie) is quite obviously pubescent now, the hormones are raging, and last night the expected happened. Gott(ie) sashayed down the steps, busted out the door, and apparently got it on with the fecund neighborhood nightlife. Not only that, but according to witnesses, was seen getting into a fuel-injected Stingray driven by a smooth-looking, fast-talking urban ferret who promised to take them for a little ride up in the Bronx. Gott(ie) has never been out of the house much less the neighborhood so I can see how he/she might fall for a fast line promising some exotic entertainment. (Could I have been a better owner? Maybe. Maybe shown Animal Kingdom videos on Friday nights with Val and Herman, provided some mealy-worm snacks? Alas, I may not ever have the second chance to know.) So this morning, walking down Baltimore looking for roosters, I saw there had been a minor explosion at the Malinese gas station. The owner was hopping mad. "Some ferret dude in a fuel-injected Stingray pulls in, man. He proceed to exit his vehicle and pump him some vitrol. Only too late I did notice he was gabbering away on his Nokia X-9000 GNP mighty fine cell phone. The device, she blows up. And this in spite of the fact that I had practically *littered* my humble gas station with hand lettered signs warning 'Je vous priez, no pumpez-pas le petrol avec votre telephone-du-cel dans le position sweetch-on!!' And these carefully hand-lettered signs, zey were in seex languages, mon vieux! Mon dieu! On turne en ronde, merde! On turne en ronde, merde! On turne en ronde, merde!" Well, he said he saw the occupants du vehicle commandeer a couple bikes and head south on Baltimore Avenue. I slipped a couple guppies in his hand and said, "You mean 'east', right?" He replied, Oh-la-la, bien sur, merde. I don't know what they put in my breakfast martini. Je vous remercie mille-fois", stuffing the bills in his shirt. I walked down Baltimore as fast as I could to the VHUP ER and asked if they had had any ferrets or 6-clawed tubbies come in that morning. "Funny you should ask," the nurse responded. "We don't often get a duo like that. We were going to check em out for rabies, but the ferret was in a hurry. He was talking like a dime a dozen, and that tub didn't look like he was wrapped too tight either. So we shot em up with some Thorazine and kissed the ouchie, and they hightailed it out. Got into some antique vehicle and roared off down Spruce St." "Was the ferret carrying a cell-phone, by any chance?" I inquired. "Yeah, he was," says the nurse. "Looked like one of them fine new Nokia X-9000 GNPs. I always notice a man who's carrying the latest in technology fashion." "Say no more!" I yelled over my back and took off in hot pursuit. Alas I fear they had a fair lead on me and I soon pooped out. Also ran into Judy, who wasted my time asking if I thought her mango turquoise nail polish wasn't the most tubular thing, and blah blah blah, should she take that new Chancellor's job, etc. Anyhow, my only hope is that Gott(ie) might have the sense to wrest the Nokia X-9000 GNP away from that one hip ferret and call home. And if anybody runs into these wild and crazy dudes, have the sense to take precautions before approaching. -- Ross Bender http://rossbender.org
