----- Original Message -----
From: Mario Giorno
To: Brian Siano
Cc: UC List ; [EMAIL PROTECTED]
Sent: Monday, February 11, 2008 9:33 AM
Subject: Re: [UC] The Onion: 3-By-4 Plot Of Green Space Rejuvenates
Neighborhood
Mario writes: "I know it's The Onion, but the mock article is rather close
to reality nowadays. It seems satire has a place in UC."
Satire indeed!
Mario, for years the funky, cleaner and safer, upscale, civic associations
have been describing exactly the same miracle of our own district
revitalization which, by the way, you seem to hate! Where have you been
man? Why do you insist that the district stays dirty and dangerous?
Mr. Siano’s own gang, FOCP, led a revitalization here that made the problems
of this Detroit neighborhood look like spilled upscale milk! Detroit's success
is peanuts compared to the glorious front page news that describes our
district's success!
Can’t you recall when this Penn neighborhood was truthfully described, only a
few short years ago in the Washington Post, as an abandoned industrial
wasteland? Don’t you remember when the whores, gangs, and drug addicts killed
the good children, on an hourly basis, in Clark Park? Don’t you remember how
the warriors of FOCP and SHCA were forced to slither into the Franklin building
with the University of Corporations and a tiny minority of civil censored
consumers in order to bathe us in fool’s gold? With a bold vision, those
saviors turned this ghetto, little Mantua wasteland, into a paradise!
How dare you suggest that such an inspiring story from Detroit, so very
similar to our beloved district history, is satire? To do so would be like
calling the tiny minority of our own good consumer warlords; calling these
heroic upscale warriors- liars, hypocrites, and collaborators.
If you don’t stop your uncivil ranting Mario, I’m gonna tell Brian and Kyle
about you! There are solutions for such ranting. Long live Vichy!
A loyal and good district consumer,
Anonymous
On Mon, Feb 11, 2008 at 9:17 AM, Brian Siano <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/3_by_4_plot_of_green_space
DETROIT—Notorious for its abandoned buildings, industrial warehouses,
and gray, dilapidated roads, Detroit's Warrendale neighborhood was
miraculously revitalized this week by the installation of a single,
three-by-four-foot plot of green space.
The green space, a rectangular patch of crabgrass located on a busy
median divider, has by all accounts turned what was once a rundown
community into a thriving, picturesque oasis, filled with charming
shops, luxury condominiums, and, for the first time ever, hope.
Enlarge Image
The Johansens, who just moved to Warrendale, enjoy some outdoor time.
"What we've seen here is amazing," Warrendale Beautification Committee
chairman Michael Pulowski said of the $150 city-funded initiative. "Not
only do residents feel better about themselves, but our streets are now
totally safe, employment is up, and our children's test scores are
through the roof. It's hard to believe this is even the same."
Warrendale's incredible transformation began early Monday morning when
city officials laid down the yard-wide strip of sod. Two days later
dozens of boarded-up businesses were suddenly bustling with customers,
and streets once littered with hypodermic needles were instead plastered
with colorful murals.
"It all happened so quickly," said resident Jeffrey Huza, who watched
the sliver of lawn single-handedly attract tourism, reduce air
pollution, and bring a sense of peace and tranquility to the area. "I
always knew a little green would do our neighborhood good, but I never
thought we'd benefit this much."
"I used to sit all day in the old tire yard getting high with no
prospects for any kind of future," Huza continued. "But now that tire
yard is a library."
Besides giving children a safe place to play—provided they do so one at
a time—the revitalizing green space has also transformed the lives of
numerous Warrendale adults.
The ideal spot for short evening strolls, relaxing upright reading, and
weekend picnics that don't exceed 12 square feet in total area, the new
park has completely changed how many feel about their neighborhood.
In fact, dozens of residents who had given up on this once violent and
moribund urban wasteland almost as completely as they'd given up on life
itself, have recently chosen to put down roots and start families.
"Sitting in the middle of the park, it's like all of the troubles of
city life just melt away," said homeowner Samantha Hodge, who every day
gazes at the narrow green space between two lanes of traffic and is
filled instantly with calm.
"A week ago, I was ready to call it quits and never come back. Nowadays,
I couldn't imagine living anywhere else."
Enlarge Image
The green space's impact is evident in Warrendale's sudden, overnight
transformation from complete shithole (above) to a charming and
desirable place to live (below).
Local events, including a Shakespeare in the Park production of Romeo
And Juliet, a breast cancer–awareness march, an outdoor concert by the
London Symphony Orchestra, and a Fourth of July fireworks display are
reportedly also scheduled to take place in the new green space.
The towel-sized band of topsoil—to be dedicated as "Warrendale Park" as
soon as enough room is found on its grounds to erect a sign—has brought
back more than a sense of community. It has also brought back the sound
of laughter.
"I didn't recognize it at first, it had been so long since I'd heard
it," said Howard Cochrane, a lifelong resident. "But there it was,
ringing out like sunshine from that Heller boy who lives down the way.
To see him roll his ball back and forth over the same five inches of
grass—it filled my tired heart with joy."
Despite the overwhelmingly positive influence of this simple patch of
lawn, a number of Warrendale residents have come to regard its
popularity as a double-edged sword.
"Everywhere I look now, well-dressed moms are pushing babies in designer
strollers, high-end coffee shops are opening their doors, and fancy
galleries are replacing old neighborhood bars," said mechanic Kevin
Miles, who was evicted from his tenement apartment after his rent
tripled almost overnight. "I used to know everyone who lived here, but
now it seems like half the people are college kids or vacationing
Europeans."
Added Miles, "I never thought I'd say this, but I miss the old decrepit
Warrendale."
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