* If you grow up in Hawaii, raised by your grandparents, you're exoticand different.* Grow up in Alaska eating moose burgers, a quintessential Americanstory.* If you name your kid Barack, you're unpatriotic.* Name your kids Willow, Trig and Track, you're "colorful."* If you're 18, white, and get an underage girl pregnant "lifehappens."* If you're 18, black, and get an underage girl pregnant, you're aregistered sex offender.* If you're a minority and you're selected for a job over morequalified candidates you're a token hire.* If you're a conservative and you're selected for a job over morequalified candidates you're a game changer.* If you're a Democrat and you make a VP pick without fully vetting theindividual you're reckless.* A Republican who doesn't fully vet is a maverick.* If you get 18 million people to vote for you in a nationalpresidential primary, you're a phony.* Get 100,000+ people to vote you governor of the 47th most populousstate in the Union, you're "well loved."* Graduate from Harvard law School and you are unstable.* Attend 5 different small colleges before graduating, you're wellgrounded.* If you are biracial and born in a state not connected to the lower48, America needs darn near two years and three major spe eches to "getto know you."* If you're white and from a state not connected to the lower 48,America needs 36 minutes and 38 seconds worth of an acceptance speech toknow you're "one of us."* If you spend three years as a brilliant community organizer, becomethe first black president of the Harvard Law Review, create a voterregistration drive that registers 150,000 new voters, spend 12 years asa constitutional law professor, spend eight years as a state senatorrepresenting a district with over 750,000 people, become chairman of thestate Senate's Health and Human Services committee, spend four years inthe United States Senate representing a state of 13 million people whilesponsoring 131 bills and serving on the Foreign Affairs, Environment andPublic Works and Veteran's Affairs committees, you don't have any realleadership experience.* If you spend four years on the City Council and six years as themayor of a town with less than 7,000 people, 20 months as the governorof a state with only 650,000 people, then you're qualified to become thecountry's second highest ranking executive.* If your wife is a Harvard graduate lawyer who gave up a position in aprestigious law firm to work for the betterment of her inner citycommunity, then gave that up to raise a family, your family's valuesdon't represent America's.* If your husband is nicknamed "First Dude", didn't register to voteuntil age 25 and once was a member of a group that advocated thesecession of Alaska from the USA, your family is extremely admirable.* If your pastor rails against inequality in the United States ofAmerica, you're an extremist.* If your pastor welcomes a sermon by a member of Jews for Jesus whopreaches that the killing of Jews by terrorists is a lesson to Jews thatthey must convert to Christianity, you're a fundamentalist.* If you spend 18 months building a campaign around the theme of"Change," it's just empty rhetoric.* If one week before your party's national convention you SUDDENLY makeyour candidacy about "Change," that's the real deal.OK, much clearer now.
