I can answer my own question after a couple days of dumb luck searching.
First, you can use PatchBurn 3 to get Finder, Disk Utility & DVD Player recognition of any unsupported DVD-RW or CD-RW.
Then use Pacifist to install Apple DVD Player that should be on your OS X Installer CD in the System>Installation>Packages>Essentials.pkg.
Last is to patch the new Apple DVD Player you just installed:
http://xvi.rpc1.org/playerpatch.html
Get the patch that is for your Apple DVD Player version. Mine was called: UserOpPatch1.6.dmg for DVD Player 4.0, but there are patches for all versions.
My initial Firewire enclosure wouldn't play, it started very badly and then always had an error message (they varied). Almost no video was visible, and the DVD Player seemed useless, every button was "Not Allowed". It was an Acomdata with a Dura Micro INI-D103 bridge using a Initio INI-1420L chipset. I believe I once updated the firmware? It wouldn't play a commercial DVD, although it was recognized and opened fine. It also burned a bootable System DVD, so whatever the issue was, it was inconsistent.
In troubleshooting I switched the DVD-RW into a QPS Firewire enclosure with a nearly identical bridge labeled QPS INI-T240 using an Initio INI-1420L also with identical support chips. What a surprise when the DVD's played nearly perfectly. In Full Screen mode 1280x1024 there were some minor glitches, but anything smaller or less resolution was perfect with no flaws at all. All the buttons on the DVD Player worked. It's really nice. I'll need to flash that bad enclosure to some better firmware I guess.
This is one of the cheap Micro Advantage 16x dual layer +/- drives, model 16DDVDRW-A13 that I got at OfficeMax for $39 (no rebate). I had to upgrade the firmware on it brand new (in PC only), but it seems to work good for me so far.
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