Susan Baugh wrote:
I have always been told that you must ignore unsociable list behavior
and that you must not respond in any way
because anything else reinforces the behavior. Telling someone not to be
aggressive, just reinforces the
aggressive behavior.
Be realistic. Suggest what works, not what sound like it should work.
There are very different kinds of antisocial behavior. In the case of
trolls or others looking for a fight or wanting to create chaos, it's in
fact often best to just ignore them. However, even then, sending many
*private* messages is sometimes necessary and helpful for both the list
and the aggressive person. These kind of people want public chaos or
just attention, and many private messages full of admonitions and/or
words of advice are a healthy cold shower for the first need and have a
therapeutic effect on the second.
In the case of bullying, however, the same rules apply as on the
playground and in any workplace, club, etc. One should never blame or
criticise the victim for defending themselves, one should always address
the original aggressor, and one should address the problem publicly.
Bullying is amazingly widespread in workplaces and schools, and one
reason Finland keeps being number 1 in the international PISA studies is
because of its successful active efforts to quell bullying, which are
based on breaking the age-old culture of silence surrounding this social
cancer that is still belittled widely and even considered healthy to
make kids stronger, when in fact it reinforces both the aggressors' and
victims' behavior throughout adulthood.
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