Sorry, Stan. John Cleese had absolutely nothing to do with it. It pays to check these things first. I did so with a Google search on John Cleese spelling hoax snopes. (In choosing my keywords, it helped that I already knew it was a hoax.)
For the full story, see: http://www.snopes.com/politics/satire/revocation.asp. Bill Potts, CMS Roseville, CA http://metric1.org [SI Navigator] >-----Original Message----- >From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] [mailto:[EMAIL PROTECTED] >Behalf Of Stan Jakuba >Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2005 16:14 >To: U.S. Metric Association >Subject: [USMA:34610] Fw: Independence revoked > > >Concerning the spelling issue, John Cleese has already resolved it. And >roundabouts. >Stan Jakuba > > >>> A Message from John Cleese >>> >>> To the citizens of the United States of America: >>> >>> In light of your failure to elect a competent President of the USA and >>> thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of >>> your >>> independence, effective immediately. (You should look up "revocation" in >>> the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium, and check the >> pronunciation guide. You will be >>> amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it.) >>> >>> Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties >> over >>> all states, commonwealths, and territories (excepting Kansas, which she >> does >>> not fancy). >>> >>> Your new prime minister, Tony Blair, will appoint a governor for America >>> without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be >>> disbanded. A questionnaire may be circulated next year to determine >>> whether any of you noticed. >>> >>> To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following >> rules >>> are introduced with immediate effect: >>> >>> 1. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and >>> 'neighbour.' Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without >>> skipping >>> half the letters, and the suffix -ize will be replaced by the >>> suffix -ise. >>> Generally, you will be expected to raise your vocabulary to acceptable >>> levels. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take >>> account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of >-ize. We will >> let Microsoft >>> know on your behalf. >>> >>> 2. You will stop using the same twenty-seven words interspersed with >> filler noises such >>> as "like" and "you know." It is an unacceptable and inefficient form of >>> communication. There is no such thing as US English. >> >>> 3. You will relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen. >>> >>> 4. July 4th will no longer be celebrated as a holiday. >>> >>> 5. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using >guns, lawyers, >>> or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists >>> shows >>> that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be >> handled >>> by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing >> someone >>> or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a >> gun. >>> >>> 6. Therefore, you will no longer be allowed to own or carry >anything more >>> dangerous than a vegetable peeler. A permit will be >>> required if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public. >>> >>> 7. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and this is for >>> your >>> own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand >what we mean. >>> >>> 8. All intersections will be replaced with roundabouts, and you will >>> start >>> driving on the left. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate >> effect and without the >>> benefit of conversion tables. Both roundabouts and metrication will help >>> you understand the British sense of humour. >>> >>> 9. The Former USA will adopt UK prices on petrol (which you have been >>> calling gasoline)-roughly $6/US gallon. Get used to it. >>> >>> 10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call >French fries >>> are not real chips, and those things you insist on calling >>> potato chips are properly called crisps. Real chips are thick cut, fried >>> in animal fat, and dressed not with catsup but with vinegar. >>> >>> 11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually >>> beer at all. Henceforth, only proper British Bitter will be referred >>> to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be >>> referred to as Lager. American brands will be referred to as Near-Frozen >>> Gnat's Urine, so that all can be sold without risk of further confusion. >>> >>> 12. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as >>> good >>> guys. Hollywood will also be required to cast English actors to play >>> English characters. Watching Andie MacDowell attempt English dialogue in >>> Four Weddings and a Funeral was an experience akin to having one's ears >> removed >>> with a cheese grater. >>> >>> 13. You will cease playing American football. There is only one kind of >>> proper football; you call it soccer. Those of you brave enough >>> will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which has some similarities to >>> American football, but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty >>> seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like a bunch of nancies). >>> >>> 14. Further, you will stop playing baseball. It is not >reasonable to host >>> an event called the World Series for a game which is not played outside >>> of >>> America. Since only 2.1% of you are aware that there is a world beyond >>> your borders, your error is understandable. >>> >>> 15. You must tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us mad. >>> >>> 16. An internal revenue agent (i.e. tax collector) from Her Majesty's >>> Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all >>> monies due (backdated to 1776). >>> >>> 17. Daily Tea Time begins promptly at 4 pm with proper cups, never mugs, >>> with high quality biscuits (cookies) and cakes; strawberries in season. >>> >> >> >
