[1] I am not a "real programmer". This is the true definition of a real programmer: http://www.shartwell.freeserve.co.uk/humor-site/realprog.htm
My favorite bit (for those not inclined to read the whole article), answering the question "What kind of operating system is used by a Real Programmer?":
"UNIX is a lot more complicated of course - the typical bearded-and-sandalled UNIX hacker (and that's just the women) never can remember what the PRINT command is called this week - but when it gets right down to it, UNIX is a glorified video game where incautious use of the shift key allows the user to delete entire directory trees by accident. People don't do Serious Work on UNIX systems; they send jokes around the world on UUCP-net and write adventure games and research papers.
"A Real Programmer wouldn't be caught dead using the Windows operating system, or any other WIMP (Windows, Icons, Menu, Pointer) interface. WIMP, or wimp, as we all know, is just another word for a Quiche Eater. Windows is for people who are unable to learn real operating systems and can't remember command-line commands in alphabetic characters, never mind hex. Real Programmers don't need user-friendly pull-down menus or pop-up dialog boxes to help them, they know the syntax of a complex four-line command by heart, though they find it much more challenging to input the entire command in hex or, at the drop of a VAX, octal. If it can't be done from the command line then it probably isn't worth doing.
"When it comes to operating systems, four line comand-line statements of startling complexity and the resulting three inch thick lineprinted hex core dumps are what separates Real Programmers from Quiche Eating wimps. No Quiche Eater can read and understand hex multi-megabyte hex core dumps, even with the aid of a hex calculator. To a Real Programmer, however, such things are what makes life interesting.
"No, your Real Programmer uses OS\370. A good programmer can find and understand the description of the IJK305I error he just got in his JCL manual. A great programmer can write JCL without referring to the manual at all. A truly outstanding programmer can find bugs buried in a six-megabyte core dump without using a hex calculator. (I have actually seen this done.)"
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