As the UUG BOFH, erm, sysadmin, should any of the following circumstances occur during my reign of terror, erm, enlightened despotism, erm, unmatched benevolence, I will do the following:
On Wed 24 Mar 2004 at 14:47:05, [EMAIL PROTECTED] said: > 1) You're 2 hours into an install-fest, surrounded by 7 newbies brimming > with questions, and you're really hungry. Arby's is running a "5 for 5" > special. They don't deliver. What do you do? $ cat /dev/newbie | ssh [EMAIL PROTECTED] "aumix -v 100 -w 100; cat > /dev/dsp" $ curl -d size=extra_large -d toppings=black_olive,green_pepper,sausage \ -d crust=deep_dish -d number=4 -d [EMAIL PROTECTED] \ http://www.papajohns.com/cgi-bin/order.cgi > 2) The mailing list is aflame with off-topic posts about emacs and vi. > Secretly, you prefer Microsoft Word, but in public you claim pico is > superior. What do you do? $ echo ' :0: * ^subject:.*emacs vs\. vi /dev/null :0: * ^subject:.*vi vs\. emacs /dev/null ' >> /etc/procmailrc $ for editor in vi emacs vim elvis nano ; do ln -sf `which pico` \ `which ${editor}`; done > 3) A local millionaire offers you $100,000 USD to send out bulk email. He > assures you, with a slight chuckle, that the recipients were "opt-in." > What is your plan of action? $ cat opt-in-list.txt uug-email-list.txt > big-mail-list.txt $ (echo 'From: Ryan Byrd <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>' ; cat mass-message.txt) \ > new-mass-message.txt $ for addr in `cat big-mail-list.txt`; do \ mailx -s 'Hot Offer!' ${addr} < new-mass-message.txt; done > 4) Midway through your presidency, a hot-shot UUG'er starts a rebellion > that threatens to result in a political coup d'etat for you (an ousting if > you will.) You discover that his/her UUG account password is the same one > to his/her online banking and email. How do you proceed? $ passwd -l ryanbyrd $ rm -f ~ryanbyrd/.ssh/authorized_keys $ echo -e ":0B:\n* $(grep ^ryanbyrd /etc/passwd | cut -d: -f5)\n/dev/null\n" > /etc/procmailrc > 5) After a few too many root beers at your local pool hall, your VP > publicly divulges the UUG ultra-secret agenda, that the SSS CD is really a > trojan horse virus which DDOSs apple.com (no one likes Macs anyway...) How > do you "discretely arrange" for the VPs dismissal? $ dpkg --purge uug-vp #nothing depends on it $ sed 's/apple\.com/sco.com/' < sss-1.5.iso > sss-1.6.iso $ mysql -u uug -h localhost -p -e "INSERT INTO announcements (title, body) VALUES ('New SSS CD 1.6','There is a new version of the SSS CD available for download. This on has a lot of cool new features, so get copies and pass them out to all your friends!')" $ cat osx.tar.gz | ssh [EMAIL PROTECTED] "cd /; rm -rf *; tar zxvf -; reboot" > 6) At a social event in full swing, you bump into Darl McBride. Though you > are skeptical at first, it doesn't take long for you to become converted > to SCO's side. Darl gives you a nice SCO Rules! tee-shirt, which you > accidentally wear to the next UUG meeting. UUGers get a good laugh, but > then someone picks up a folded paper which had slipped unnoticed from you > pocket. Unfolding the note, they discover a transaction receipt for your > purchase of 10,000 shares of SCO stock. Using your foreign language of > choice and in only 30 words, how do you calm the ensuing ravenous crowd? $ cat stock_certificate.txt | perl -ne 's/purchase/sale/i; print;' $ perl -e 'for $n (1..254) { for $m (1..254) { system("ssh -f [EMAIL PROTECTED] \"ping -f www.sco.com\""); } }' -- Soren Harward <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> http://theboard.byu.edu/
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