> They are from a
> book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things
> people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and
> now published by court reporters that had the torment of
> staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking
> place.
>
>
> ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you
> that morning?
> WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
> ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
> WITNESS: My name is Susan!
>
> .................................................
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
> WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
>
> .................................................
>
>
>
> ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that
> when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about
> it until the next morning?
> WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
>
> .................................................
>
> ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is
> he?
> WITNESS: He's twenty, much like your IQ.
>
> .................................................
>
> ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
> WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
>
> .................................................
>
> ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was
> August 8th?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
> WITNESS: Getting laid.
>
> .................................................
>
> ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
> WITNESS: Yes.
> ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
> WITNESS: None.
> ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
> WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney.
> Can I get a new
> attorney?
>
> .................................................
>
> ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
> WITNESS: By death.
> ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
> WITNESS: Take a guess.
>
> .................................................
>
> ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
> WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
> ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
> WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I'm going with
> male.
>
> .................................................
>
> ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to
> a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
> WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
>
> .................................................
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you
> performed on dead people?
> WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a
> fight.
>
> .................................................
>
> ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school
> did you go to?
> WITNESS: Oral.
>
> .................................................
>
> ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the
> body?
> WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
> ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
> WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
>
> .................................................
>
> ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
> WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
>
> .................................................
>
> And the best for last:
>
> ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you
> check for a pulse?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the
> patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
> WITNESS: No.
> ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
> WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a
> jar.
> ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been
> alive, nevertheless?
> WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive
> and practicing law.
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