This is an actual letter sent to a man named Ryan DeVries by the
Department
of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. This guy's response is
hilarious, but read the State's letter before you get to the response
letter.
_______________________________________________________________________
SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W,Sec. 20; Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. DeVries:

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or
contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
stream of Spring Pond.

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity.  A
review of the department's files shows that no permits have been issued.
Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
violation
of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and
Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being
sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
downstream locations.  We find that dams of this nature are inherently
hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to
cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the
stream
to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams
from the stream channel.  All restoration work shall be completed no
later
than January 31, 2003.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that
a
follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to
comply
with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the site may
result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We
anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price, District Representative
Land and Water Management Division

______________________________________________________________________

      ** Here is the actual response sent back by Mr. DeVries **

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec.20; Montcalm County.

Dear Mr. Price,

Your certified letter dated 12/17/02 has been handed to me to respond to.
I am the legal landowner but not the Contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson,
Michigan.  A couple of beavers are in the process of constructing and
maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring
Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I
think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
nature's building materials "debris."  I would like to challenge your
department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
place you choose.  I believe I can safely state there is no way you could
ever match their dam skills, their dam  resourcefulness, their dam
ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
dam
work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
activity.  My dam question to you is: 
   (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or 
  (2) Do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
dam permits?  If you are not discriminating against these particular
beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed
copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been
issued.  Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part
301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental
Protection Act, Act 451 Of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections
324.30101 to324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled
to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially
destitute
and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have
to
provide them with a dam lawyer 
 
The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a
natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other
words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than
harassing
them and calling them dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition, please
contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they
obviously
did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read
English.  In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to
build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is
green and water flows downstream. They have more dam rights than I do to
live and enjoy Spring Pond.  If the Department of Natural Resources and
Environmental Protection lives up to it's name, it should protect the
natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
1/31/2003? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and
there
will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real
environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! 
Bears
are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be
persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.  If you are
going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! The bears are not
careful where they dump!

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact
you on your dam answering machine, I am sending this response to your dam
office.


THANK YOU
RYAN DEVRIES & THE DAM BEAVERS



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