Alas, both Claridges and God are not what they used to be; not seeing the customer being just one of their foibles.
GB ----- Original Message ----- From: "Michael Foster" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> To: <[email protected]> Sent: Monday, April 11, 2005 6:46 AM Subject: The Invisible Man > > Ok, Vorts... Since this list has disintegrated into an over the back > fence discussion group concerning theology and things that go > bump in the night, here's one you might find interesting. I often > become the Invisible Man. No, really. > > When Bill posted that bit about the disappearing coffee stir stick, I > had to chuckle. That sort of thing happens to me so frequently that I > hardly notice it. It happens to others in my presence. Things > disappear for months or years anywhere within arms length of me. > My employes just make sure there are lots of whatever I need > around just so when something necessary disappears for a while, > there's another one to use. I have no control over this and really, > it pretty embarrassing. > > That's just a minor aspect of what I have come to call the > Invisible Man Syndrome. It's become worse over the last 30 years > or so. I have no control over it, and it's very real. You older Vorts > might remember "The Shadow", an old radio program where Orson > Welles announced, "The Shadow knows, the Shadow who has the > power to cloud men's minds so that they cannot see him." That's me, > except for inconvenience of not being able to make it happen when > I want. > > It started with fairly minor episodes in restaurants with incidents > that probably happen to everyone to one extent or another. A > waiter would take everyone's order at the table but mine. Or a > waiter would take my order as well, but only deliver everone else's. > My family and friends would just usually say that I wasn't being > assertive enough or some such. > > Then, it began to get worse, but still minor restaurant stuff. > A waiter would deliver everone else's order, return with my order, > offer it to everyone else at the table and then leave. I would then have > to chase the waiter down. > > Then things began to get dangerous. People began to run into me on > the street. They would just walk right into me as though they couldn't see > me. In fact, they couldn't see me. The range of responses to this was > fairly amusing. Usually just, "Sorry, I didn't see you." But sometimes I > would get, "Where the hell did you come from?" One time I was > knocked down while standing on the sidewalk talking to a business > associate and then stepped on and tripped over by others who > apparently couldn't see me, but then looked around wondering what > the obstruction was. > > After that, I had several incidents in parking lots where I was nearly > run down by drivers who were clearly looking right at me, but > just couldn't see me. I was actually struck one time, but fortunately > was not injured seriously, ending up on the hood of the car right > on the windshield in front of the driver. Finally, she saw me, got out > of her car and simply said, "I'm so sorry, I didn't see you." > > This went on for years, with everyone I know continuing to say that > it's just my imagination, I should assert myself more, it couldn't > really be true, it's just bad luck, it's just a coincidence, etc., etc., etc. > Incidentally, these "invisiblilty episodes" happen irregularly, for no > apparent reason. I can usually tell when one is coming on, when > minor incidents occur with increasing frequency. > > Finally, one invisibility episode happened with numerous witnesses > and was so dramatic that no one could explain it away. I was > staying at Claridges in London with my family. Claridges is renown > for its service, but I could tell a major episode was coming on when > I could get no service in any of the restaurants there. I won't bore > you with the details. > > My family and I went to Waterloo Station from the hotel to take the > Chunnel back to Paris. For those not familiar with the setup there, > when you are going to take the Chunnel, you have to go through > security similar to getting onto an airplane, or at least you did at > that time. > > Not thinking, I walked through the metal detector without emptying > my pockets. Not a beep, not a blip. I had at least a pound of Euro > coins and various British coins in one pocket. In another pocket was > a camera that is basically a metal brick. Just behind me was my > mother-in-law, who set off the metal detector with her wedding ring > and a small bracelet. I walked on, looking back at my family, all of > whom were being disassembled by the security personnel. > > I walked back to other side of the metal detectors because I could > see this was going to take a while. I walked through again out of > curiosity. Nothing. So I walked on ahead of everyone else past the > passport control booth, which is basically a glass booth with an > official inside, flanked by two military types with machine guns. > I walked by the booth not thinking about it. I stopped and looked > back at everyone else. They were still being searched. I waved > and walked back toward them, past the booth. Then I walked by > the booth again since the porter carrying our luggage was beckoning > to me; he apparently could see me. > > Finally, my family walked toward me past the passport control booth, > thinking it didn't apply to them, of course. The two guys with the machine > guns chased them down, yelling at them. I thought for a moment they > were going to be tackled. They were literally led at gunpoint to the > passport control official. Meanwhile I'm still walking back and forth in > front of everyone. I was never asked for my passport and the two > fellows with the machine guns never even glanced at me. > > So finally I was able to ask, "Now do you believe me?" > > It didn't end there. My sister-in-law had taken a picture of me, my > wife and son on the grounds of the Versailles palace, on this same > trip. After she got her film developed, she said to me, "Uh, I > think you should see this picture." My wife and son looked > perfectly normal in this picture, but there am I looking eerily faded > and well, kind of transparent. I have to look at this picture every so > often, just to make sure it's really as weird as I remember it. > > I've continued to have these Invisible Man problems off and on for > years since then, but never with so many surprised witnesses. > There is one place that this never happens to me, and I always > look forward to going there. That place is New York City. Go > figure. > > M. > > > > > > > _______________________________________________ > Join Excite! - http://www.excite.com > The most personalized portal on the Web! >
