Here is a report on the progress of World War I, written August 1,
1917. This is by America's most famous literary cockroach, Archy, in
a report to his mentor and employer, Don Marquis. It sounds
remarkably like the War on Terror:
Archy in Washington
well boss from official
circles here I learn
that things could not well be worse
with regard to the war situation and that
this is no time for
pessimism as we have
the enemy licked to a
frazzle everything
is gloom and america
is about to save the
world there is no
hope anywhere and we
should all feel cheerful because
things are going better than
could be expected the
administration is very
angry at the people who are
giving out cheerful
reports and at the same time
wishes to emphasize the fact that
pessimism is part of the
propaganda of our enemies the
way russia is acting now has cheered
everybody up wonderfully and
all seems lost it hampers the
administration frightfully for conflicting
reports to be sent to the
country and I am authoritatively
informed that what the
secretary of war said
yesterday will be denied by the
secretary of the navy
tomorrow it is of the utmost
importance that the people
should realize that
the department of publicity is
doing all it can to
suppress such rumors as it has
not started itself the
situation here is full of
depression and recent reports
from returned observers
say that all is well I am keeping
in touch with everything
that is about to happen and will
let you know from day
to day what the news was about to be
so you can have plenty of time
to deny it in advance
of its publication
(Historical note. Despite the somewhat cynical tone of this and other
reports from Washington during WWI, the U.S. Navy saw fit to name a
ship after Mr. Marquis in WWII, a few years after he died. The U.S.
is probably the only nation in history to name warships after
mythical places the President mentions "Shangri La" and people who
ghost write for cockroaches. The British go for macho descriptive
names such as the HMS Indomitable, Fearnot. Indefatigable, or the HMS
Insufferable, but the U.S. sometimes has a more whimsical side. The
Japanese during WWII thought that our custom of painting cartoon
characters on airplanes was unmanly.)
- Jed
