Found among a stack of Christmas Cards, tucked in a box of decorations of a certain retired Sheriff , there is a faded handwritten letter.
Hello Andy and Helen, How are things for Mayberry's favorite retired couple? Is that new house out on Myers Lake staying warm enough for you? Getting' in any trouble with the law? How is Leon doing as Sheriff anyway? I heard the prisoners just get peanut butter sandwiches and water, ha ha. Well, retirement is good for some folks, and I hope that you enjoy it, but for some of us, being a law man is just in our blood. I probably won't put down the ole Roscoe until they lay it beside me in a coffin. I'm still here at the Mayfair Mall in Raleigh, Head Security Officer, (HSO) Corridor D, Afternoon shift (12 to 5 ). It's a jungle I tell ya. This mall is the playground of the lawless, disrespectful, hoodlums of today's society, but I'm up to it. Got a gun, a badge, those cat-like instincts that have helped me survive the deadly game for 33 and a half years, and of course the desire to wipe out crime wherever it exists. My day starts out at about 11. I get here early, you taught me that, always great to get an early start to get a jump on your crime element. I go to my office...well I used to have an office, but now they turned it into Shoe Repair and Engraving Shop. I just have a locker where I keep my fingerprint kit, crime reports, ammo and foot powder. I go by the mall office and pick up the latest Incident Reports. (That's what we call our list of lawbreakers) Then I go to what is now my office, the corner table at a coffee shop called Barnies!. Can you believe that, my own coffee shop Ha Ha. Thel fixes me a nice lunch that I bring from home, a Cheese Sandwich with garnish or something like that. I get a cup of coffee (half-price) and go over the reports. My cousin Virgil usually stops by. He is the head of trash and sweeping, Corridor B and C. If we have time, we go over to the arcade for a game a skeeball, but they want 50 cents a game now, for eight balls. Then, about 11:45 I take my beat. Some of the stores have their own clothes plains-man doing security but I'm the only Uni, (Uniformed officer) south of the big fountain in the middle. Sixty-eight stores, 12 Kiosks, 4 restrooms and literally thousands of people are all under my constant surveillance. I don't know why it is, but your most criminal minds seem hang around Corridor D from 12 to 5 in the afternoon. Boy oh boy the stories I could tell you...shoplifters, change-quick artists, bad check forgers and litterbugs, just to name a few. (We don't have to worry about J-walking though, that is allowed in a mall.) I have to keep my eyes moving at all times. From Ayers Department Store to Victoria's Secret, I'm the only law in the mall. Oh, by the way, this Victoria's place is, um lady's lang-gerae. And with the pictures they've got in the window, let me tell you, it ain't no secret, (Ha Ha) if you know what I mean, what they're sellin. Whoo-we, nothing like that was even seen in Mayberry. The ladies auxiliary would have shut it down in a hurry. The big city is full of wonders. They have shops that just sell candles, some that just sell swim suits, and a barber shop with 8 chairs! Boy would Floyd be amazed. Anyway, I could be doing anything from doing a stake-out at Tubby's Candy Shop (to catch kids pilfering unauthorized samples) to assisting the big boys in the department stores. In the business world, we call it loss prevention. This one fella calls me in about once a week to pose as a mannequin in a sporting goods store. Remember Weavers? The little old lady I spotted there? Same thing here, though we haven't caught anybody yet. We must be getting close those, because all the employees come over and have a look at me whenever I'm there undercover as a mannequin. They always want me to wear something different, I guess to keep the crooks guessing. I had kind of a funny thing happen last month. I spotted a guy hopping over a jewelry counter from about 60 feet away. I could see that the gate was just open a little bit and it wasn't time for them to open yet. I ran over to the store, rolled over the counter, caught the guy and drug him out to the corridor and cuffed him. As the crowd gathered around, I got on my radio and called HQ, (the mall office) The little girl there called the city police (These City Cops are always in their squad cars somewheres. They just don't have the experienced law man's patience and discipline to work a foot patrol). Well before they got there, the Mall Manager came over and told me that I just nabbed the Jewelry Store Manager going back to his office for his keys. But you never know Ang, you just never know! Everybody makes a mistake now and then. They knew I was workin hard so they gave me a week off. Thel picks me up about 5:15 and we go to a little Diner for the daily special. Then we go home watch a little T-V and I spend some time in my den, reading up on the latest law enforcement news and she knits things for the people at the nursing home where Otis is. Well you know I ain't much of a writer, but I put together this little verse for you. When the holidays come you think of friends And all the good times that brought you grins Whether their near, or whether they is far You can always go for a visit in a car We may not send lavish gifts in the mail But we have shared many good stories to tell Have a great Christmas season that is free of many strifes If you have a free day, come to Raleigh and visit the Fifes All the Best, Barn and Thel _______________________________________________ WBMUTBB mailing list [email protected] http://wbmutbb.com/mailman/listinfo/wbmutbb_wbmutbb.com http://www.mayberry.com/tagsrwc/wbmutbb/
