A new item I got on that breaking news story on Microsoft's nuclear test.
Harold Hahn
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
-----Original Message-----
Date: Thursday, May 21, 1998 7:19 AM
Subject: Breaking News Story (cont'd.)
>WASHINGTON (IPN)-----Today President Bill Clinton announced details of his
>policy of constructive engagement with Microsoft following strongman Bill
>Gates' nuclear test. The President says he sees this incident providing an
>opportunity to address the United States huge trade deficit with Microsoft.
>
> The President proposed to continue standardizing government computer
>operations on Microsoft software. Bill Slbodnik of IP interjected a
>question, "Will use of Windows by FAA Air Traffic Control give new meaning
>to 'crash'?" The President continued to outline his strategy whereby the
>government's purchases of Microsoft software would be offset by sales to
>Microsoft of government rocket technology and the U.S. Air Force's
Targeting
>1999 guidance hardware and software.
>
> During a question and answer period several correspondents questioned
>whether Microsoft Leader for Life, Bill Gates (who had been compared to
>Adolf Hitler by the President immediately after Microsoft's nuclear test),
>might be tempted to combine rocket and Targeting 1999 technology provided
by
>the U.S. with his own new nuclear warheads and respond to any new dictates
>from Washington (DC) in a very negative manner. Mr. Clinton responded,
"Mr.
>Gates has said he is not 'anti-government' and that he wishes to use U.S.
>rocket and guidance technology to place communications satellites in orbit
>and I believe him. Besides we've got a little gimmick that no one from a
>backward area like Redmond will never understand. Targeting 1999 will be
>shipped with bugs----er, undocumented features----and as soon as Microsoft
>installs it they will be at our mercy (it's impossible to uninstall).
>They'll be begging to buy the Targeting 2000 Upgrade Package, and then the
>2001 Upgrade, the 2002 Upgrade, and so on. I understand planned
>obsolescence after all my adoptive father was a car dealer and I learned a
>lot from him."
>
> Questions were also raised about reports that Vice-President Al Gore
has
>Flown to Microsoft's capital at Redmond, WA, and is negotiating a deal
>concerning Microsoft's special belnd of Java. The President said, "Even
>though he seems kind of wooden, Al has become quite a coffee salesman.
>We've had trouble keeping him supplied with all of the Native American
>tribes and Bhuddist monasteries out there dying to have a cup of coffee
with
>Al. Microsoft is very anxious to gain market share for their Java blend
and
>I'm certain Al can get bargain prices. Then ol' Al can resell the stuff to
>each group of Native Americans wanting to get a piece of their land back
>from the government----and there are hundreds of them----at $100,000 a
>coffee. Then when they complain that nothing has been done, our guys can
>tell them that $250,000 for another coffee with Al is sure to get results
>just like they did with that bunch of Cheyenne-Arapahoes in Oklahoma. It
>sure was a piece of bad luck that group had emptied their welfare fund for
>the first $100,000 and couldn't ante up for more coffees."
>
>
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