>
> On 14 Sep 98, at 16:14, Rainmaker wrote:
>
> I only wish they would drop the GD
> > school taxes. All my kids are out of school, so why should I
> > pay? (Now I know how folks felt when they were in school).
>
> Myabe so you can have a pool of halfway competent employees to hire?
That would be nice.
> Or at least muggers who can make a reasonalbe risk/benefit analysis and
> clearly communicate their intent?
Evolution would take care of that. Might also reduce crime on the
streets after a while, but maybe not...
Speaking of Evolution...
Subject: FWD: [Fwd: 1998 Darwin Awards]
They have finally been released!
For those not familiar with the Darwin Award - It's an annual honor given
to the person who did the universal human gene pool the biggest service by
getting killed in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition this year has been keen again. Some candidates appear to have
trained their whole lives for this event.
The Darwin Awards Nominees
1. In September in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and drowned in two
feet of water after squeezing head first through an 18-inch wide sewer
grate to retrieve his car keys.
2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally zoned
when he ran," according to his wife, accidentally jogged off a 200-foot
high cliff on his daily run.
3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had dug
into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beachgoers said Daniel Jones,
21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it
collapsed, burying him beneath 5 feet of sand. People on the beach, on
the outer banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to
Jones, a resident of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took
rescue workers using heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while
about 200 people looked on. Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.
4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as he
fell face-first through the ceiling of a bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth (to
keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit the
floor.
5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, ROTC cadet Nick Berrena, 20, was
stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet JeffreyHoffman, 23 who was
trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest Berrena was
wearing.
6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr., 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Del., as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a revolver
loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger.
7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ont., Daniel Kolta, 27,
and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie in
the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.
8. [Ineligible, but credit given for trying] AUGUSTA, ME - Four people
were injured in a string of bizarre accidents. Sherry Moeller was
admitted with a head wound caused by flying masonry, Tim Vegas was
diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions on his chest, arms
and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue, and Pamela Klesick's
first two fingers of her right hand had been bitten off. Moeller had just
dropped her husband off for his first day of work and, in addition to a
good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm still not sure why I
did it," she said later. "I was really close to the car, so I didn't think
anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have been for more than two
seconds." However, cab driver Vegas did see, and lost control of his cab,
running over the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical Building.
Inside, Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The
crash of the cab against the building made her jump, tearing Corcoran's
gums with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit down, severing two fingers
from Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was caused by a falling piece of the
medical building.
9. [Ineligible, better luck next year!] TAOS, NM - A woman went to a
poison control center after eating three birth-control vaginal inserts.
Her English was so bad she had to draw a picture describing how she
believed she had poisoned herself. A translator arrived shortly
thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie Valishnokov thought
the inserts were some kind of candy or gum, being unable to read the foil
wrappers. After the third one, she realized something was wrong when her
throat and mouth began to fill with a sour-tasting foam. She ran for the
Poison Control Center, only a few blocks away where doctors were able to
flush the foam from her mouth, throat, and stomach with no ill effects.
11. On February 3, 1990, a Renton, Washington man tried to commit a
robbery. This was probably his first attempt, as suggested by the fact
that he had no previous record of violent crime, and by his terminally
stupid choices as listed below:
1. The target was H&J Leather & Firearms, a gun shop;
2. The shop was full of customers, in a state where a substantial
portion of the adult population is licensed to carry concealed
handguns in public places;
3. To enter the shop, he had to step around a marked Police patrol
car parked at the front door;
4. An officer in uniform was standing next to the counter, having
coffee before reporting to duty.
Upon seeing the officer, the would-be robber announced a holdup and fired
a few wild shots. The officer and a clerk promptly returned fire,
removing him from the gene pool. Several other customers also drew their
guns, but didn't fire. No one else was hurt.
12. In France, Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to
commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose
around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He
drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot
himself at the last moment. He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet
missed him completely and cut through the rope above him. Free of the
threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking
extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison. He was dragged out
of the water by a kind fisherman, and was taken to hospita... where he
died - of hypothermia.
DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS
(1) In Guthrie, Okla., in October, Jason Heck tried to kill amillipede
with a shot from his .22-caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted off a
rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing
his skull.
(2) In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean out
cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a propane
torch and caused a fire that burned the first and second floors of his
house.
(3) Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, in
September, and his wife Bonnie was also injured, by a quarter-stick of
dynamite that blew up in their car. While driving around at 2AM, the bored
couple lit the dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what
would happen, but they apparently failed to notice that the window was
closed.
(4) Taking "Amateur Night" Too Far: In Betulia, Colombia, an annual
festival in November includes five days of amateur bullfighting. This
year, no bull was killed, but dozens of matadors were injured, including
one gored in the head and one Bobbittized. Said one participant, "It's
just one bull against [a town of] a thousand Morons."
AND THE WINNER IS....
Japan Times-April 16, 1997 "The government must crack down on this
disgusting craze of 'Pumping'", a spokesman for the Nakhon Ratchasima
hospital told reporters. "If this perversion catches on, it will destroy
the cream of Thailand's manhood. "He was speaking after the remains of 13
year-old Charnchai Puanmuangpak had been rushed into the hospital's
emergency room. "Most 'Pumpers' use a standard bicycle pump," he
explained,"inserting the nozzle far up their rectum, giving themselves a
rush of air, creating a momentary high. This act is a sin against God."
It appears that the young Charnchai took it further still. He started
using a two-cylinder foot pump, but even that wasn't exciting enough for
him, so he boasted to friends that he was going to try the compressed air
hose at a nearby gasoline station. They dared him to do it, so, under
cover of darkness, he snuck in. Not realizing how powerful the machine
was, he inserted the tube deep into his rectum, and placed a coin in the
slot. As a result, he died virtually instantly, leaving passers-by still
in shock. One woman thought she was watching a twilight fireworks
display, and started clapping. "We still haven't located all of him", say
the police authorities. "When that quantity of air interacted with the
gas in his system, he nearly exploded. It was like an atom bomb went off
or something.""Pumping is the devil's pastime, and we must all say no to
Satan," Ratchasima concluded. "Inflate your tires by all means, but then
hide your bicycle pump where it cannot tempt you.
"Let's hear it for Charnchai Puanmuangpak, the NEW 1998 undisputed Darwin
Award recipient!
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