"The Smithsonian Museum in Washington says it wants to display the hat
singer Aretha Franklin wore to Pres. Obama's inauguration. I think if they
take down the Wright Brothers biplane, they'll have just enough space."
- Jerry Perisho
http://cache.gawker.com/assets/images/gawker/2009/01/bilde.jpg
--------------------
"Schools and streets across the country are being named after President
Obama. In a related story, soup kitchens everywhere are being named after
George W. Bush."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
Why hasn't Obama taken a vacation yet? I thought it was mandated....
--------------------
"I'm disappointed to see the casual, laissez faire, short sleeves, no
shirt and tie, no jacket, kind of locker room experience that seems to be
taking place in this White House and the Oval Office."
- Andy Card, former Bush White House chief of staff
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/01/31/card-oval-office/
Uh, sorry Andy, ol' buddy, but just because appearances mattered more than
actions to your crowd doesn't mean the rest of us have the same fixation.
p.s. I heard Dubya loved fart jokes, too....
http://www.slate.com/id/2150806/
--------------------
Herbert Hoover, during his term, wore a tuxedo every evening at a seven
course dinner, even when he was dining alone. He thought it important that
the President maintain an air of optimism in hard times.
So, how did that work out for him?
--------------------
Hold On Tight!
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tt/2009/tt090202.gif
--------------------
"President Obama's approval rating is at an all-time high of 68%, compared
to outgoing President George Bush, who left owing 17 points."
- Tim Hunter, wackyweek.com
--------------------
"The transition at the White House is going well. They almost have gotten
all the rabid bats and tarantulas out of Dick Cheney's sulfur-smoke
belching cave."
- Alex Kaseberg
--------------------
At the Alfalfa Club, January 31, 2009:
"In just the first few weeks, I've had to engage in some of the toughest
diplomacy of my life. And that was just to keep my Blackberry. I finally
agreed to limit the number of people who could email me. It's a very
exclusive list. How exclusive? Everyone look at the person sitting on your
left. Now look at the person sitting on your right. None of you have my
email address."
- President Barack Obama
--------------------
"Earlier this week, all the e-mail service in the White House completely
collapsed. No e-mails coming in, no e-mails going out. Everything had to
be written down on paper by hand. It was like if John McCain had been
elected president. "
- Jay Leno
--------------------
I'm Taking Over!
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/jd/2009/jd090201.gif
--------------------
"Rush Limbaugh said he is not going to bend over and grab his ankles
because President Barack Obama is black. In a related story there is now a
hotline for those who need to get the image of Rush bending over and
grabbing his ankles out of your head. 1-800 Eww Rush."
- Alex Kaseberg
--------------------
"As you know, President Obama has outlawed torture. Although, he said,
'After listening to Rush Limbaugh, maybe I was a little too hasty.'"
- Jay Leno
--------------------
The Boss, He Has Spoken....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crdpo/2009/crdpo090130.gif
--------------------
"In Washington, in response to President Obama's stimulus package, Rush
Limbaugh proposed his own stimulus package. That's true. You see, that's
what this country needs. What we need is a stimulus package proposed by a
fat DJ. That's what's going to set the country back on track. ...
Actually, Rush Limbaugh's stimulus package is just a package containing a
big bottle of stimulants."
- Craig Ferguson
--------------------
It Never Changes!
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tmssa/2009/tmssa090130.gif
--------------------
A History Lesson For Rush Limbaugh
http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/02/01/carville.rush.limbaugh/index.html
On Thursday, Rush Limbaugh, the moral and intellectual leader and most
influential person in the Republican Party in the United States, wrote in
the august op-ed pages of The Wall Street Journal, the acknowledged
epicenter of right-wing thought, that President Obama should adopt a
bipartisan solution to address the president's economic stimulus plan --
or as Limbaugh refers to it, "porkulus."
Limbaugh proposes that because the Democrats got roughly 54 percent of the
votes to the Republicans' 46 percent, the stimulus package should be
allocated along his definition of ideological lines, i.e. 54 percent
towards infrastructure improvement and 46 percent toward tax breaks for
Limbaugh and his friends. ...
Why surely it seems like just yesterday that Al Gore won the national
popular vote in 2000 (and arguably won the popular vote in Florida too).
Limbaugh must have called for the incoming Bush administration to allocate
ideas based on the proportion of election returns. I'm sure President Bush
and the Republicans in Congress graciously accepted their 49.5 percent
share of everything. (Note: We would be much better off right now had this
actually happened.)
With 50 percent of the federal government during President Bush's term,
Democrats might have reduced the deficit (a truly Clintonista idea). Wall
Street might have been more heavily regulated and K Street's lobbyists
might not have been running the Capitol. Democrats might have invested
money into infrastructure improvements so that bridges didn't collapse or
entire cities flood. ...
It is a remarkable time in American politics when a respected ideologue
like Limbaugh can take to a hyperpartisan place like the pages of The Wall
Street Journal, and deliver such a consistent message. We Democrats should
congratulate Rush on the purity, intellectual integrity, and consistency
of his positions.
--------------------
I Think We Know The Answer....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crmlu/2009/crmlu090130.gif
--------------------
"New Republican leader Rich Limbaugh proposes in the Wall Street Journal
that Democrats should adopt a bipartisan solution to address the
president's economic stimulus plan and let Republicans have 46% of it,
since only 54% of voters backed Obama. Democrats unanimously voted
Limbaugh Comedian of the Decade."
- Joe Hickman
--------------------
Dirty f...@#king Hippies....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tr/2009/tr090131.gif
--------------------
"Gov. Blagojevich was convicted and removed from office by a vote of
59-0... so close! So that's one corrupt politician down, 126,388 to go."
- Jay Leno
--------------------
Unfortunately, in his rush to get on every show, [Illinois Governor Rod
Blagojevich] actually booked an appearance on "Deal or No Deal".
- Tim Hunter, wackyweek.com
--------------------
Tough Neighborhood
http://www.cagle.com/working/090127/matson.jpg
--------------------
"Monday is Groundhog Day in Punxsutawney, PA, and America watches as it
predicts the future. If the groundhog pokes out its head and sees its own
shadow, it means 6 more weeks of Rod Blagojevich."
- Jerry Perisho
--------------------
Learning of his impeachment, the outgoing governor of Illinois reacted
bitterly by paraphrasing Richard Nixon: "You won't have Rod R. Blagojevich
to pronounce anymore!"
- Dan Wallace
--------------------
Taken Out Of Context....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crmlu/2009/crmlu090131.gif
--------------------
"Mental health experts are furious over articles that describe Rod
Blagojevich as crazy. They find the comparison of their clinically insane
patients to Blagojevich offensive. That is when you know you're in
trouble, when people call you crazy and then crazy people get offended."
- Alex Kaseberg
--------------------
Well, We Thought....
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/bs/2009/bs090129.gif
--------------------
"Saddam Hussein's hometown unveiled a sofa-sized statue honoring the shoe
which was thrown at President Bush by Iraqi journalist Muntadhar al Zaida
He threw both his shoes. He might have won the Nobel Peace Prize if only
he'd been a centipede."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
YANKEES SIGN IRAQI HURLER
Shoe-throwing Right-hander Impresses Scouts
In their latest bid to beef up their pitching rotation for the 2009
season, the New York Yankees today signed Iraqi journalist Muntadar
al-Zeidi to a three-year deal worth $32 million.
The right-handed al-Zeidi, 28, impressed the Yankee scouts with his
performance in Baghdad when he threw both of his shoes at former President
George W. Bush.
While neither of the shoes hit their target, both throws "had great
velocity and good movement," said Yankee owner Hank Steinbrenner.
"The first shoe was high and outside but the second one was right down the
middle," Mr. Steinbrenner said.
The Yankee boss said that he was also impressed with Mr. al-Zeidi's
fighting spirit when Secret Service agents tackled him.
"That could come in handy when we have a series with Boston," he said.
--------------------
Um........
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/wpswi/2009/wpswi090131.gif
--------------------
"Yesterday was quiet in the Middle East; a pacifist group called to take
responsibility."
- Gil Stern
--------------------
"Dick Cheney, you know, he's in retirement now. But he's not just sitting
around, taking it easy, oh, no. He's active. He's got things going on. For
example, he booked himself on the show, 'Sneering with the Stars.'"
- David Letterman
--------------------
Cheney Dunk Tank Raises $800 Billion For Nation
http://www.theonion.com/content/news/cheney_dunk_tank_raises_800
Organizers reported Sunday that the 44th White House Carnival was a
rousing success, raising a record $800,000,066,845 for the federal
government--$800 billion of which came from a dunk tank featuring former
vice president Dick Cheney.
According to Secretary of the Treasury and carnival volunteer Timothy
Geithner, the 5-foot-deep tank has provided a much-needed boost to the
nation's flagging economy.
"We expected a big turn out, but this is unbelievable," said Geithner,
adding that it's tradition for the outgoing vice president to work the
dunk tank. "More than half the country has already gone, and there's still
about 20 million people stretching all the way to Maryland waiting for
their chance to sink Cheney. We'll be leaving this booth open for as long
as it takes for everyone to get a turn." ...
"The water's great," Cheney said moments after being dunked by
third-grader Sean Biller, who traveled all the way from Denver for his
chance to meet the former vice president. "Hopefully your unemployed dad
can afford to give you money for another turn."
Unlike Biller, who carefully threw the ball at the bull's-eye, many
citzens opted instead to aim directly at the head and chest of the
67-year-old politician. ...
While the dunk tank remained busy throughout the evening, reports from the
other side of the White House lawn were less favorable, with former
Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice having not yet received a single
customer at her kissing booth.
--------------------
An Alpha-Political Farewell to Bush and Cheney
http://www.madkane.com/madness/2009/01/13/farewell-to-bush/
--------------------
"Exxon Mobil announced record profits Friday. They made forty-five billion
dollars last year. Oil companies used to be the villains, but now that
they're the only industry in America that doesn't need a bailout, they're
entitled to an apology and maybe reparations."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
What's New?
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/cwjmo/2009/cwjmo090201.gif
--------------------
The bank returned a check to me this morning stamped "Insufficient Funds."
I'm still trying to figure out if they mean them or me....
--------------------
"Wall Street bonuses are down 44% this year. Which is bad until you
consider that Wall Street profits are down 500%."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
Nobody Understands
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/tmdho/2009/tmdho090131.gif
--------------------
Nothing makes me sicker than being told by the rich and powerful that I
have to "work harder" and give up my quality of life in order to make them
whole on their losses....
ELVIS HAS LEFT THE MOUNTAIN
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/01/opinion/01friedman.html
. . That may be President Obama's most important bailout task: to
educate the country that there is no easy escape here, except taking our
medicine, getting our fundamentals right again and working our way out of
this, brick by brick, by getting back to making money -- what was that old
Smith Barney ad? -- "the old-fashioned way" -- by earning it.
--------------------
If...........
http://cagle.com/working/090130/bagley.jpg
--------------------
"Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell says that President Bush was a
'political blunder'. Which is pretty much why he is the 'minority
leader'."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
It's Bonus Time!
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/ta/2009/ta090201.gif
--------------------
A man went to his bank manager and said, "I'd like to start a small
business. How do I go about it?"
"Simple," said the bank manager. "Buy a big one and wait."
--------------------
GOP Governors Press Congress To Pass Stimulus Bill
http://tinyurl.com/dn7ude
Most Republican governors have broken with their GOP colleagues in
Congress and are pushing for passage of President Barack Obama's economic
aid plan that would send billions to states for education, public works
and health care.
Their state treasuries drained by the financial crisis, governors would
welcome the money from Capitol Hill, where GOP lawmakers are more
skeptical of Obama's spending priorities.
The 2008 GOP vice presidential nominee, Alaska Gov. Sarah Palin, planned
to meet in Washington this weekend with Senate Republican leader Mitch
McConnell of Kentucky and other senators to press for her state's share of
the package.
Florida Gov. Charlie Crist worked the phones last week with members of his
state's congressional delegation, including House Republicans. Vermont
Gov. Jim Douglas, the Republican vice chairman of the National Governors
Association, planned to be in Washington on Monday to urge the Senate to
approve the plan.
"As the executive of a state experiencing budget challenges, Gov. Douglas
has a different perspective on the situation than congressional
Republicans," said Douglas' deputy chief of staff, Dennise Casey. ...
--------------------
Bedside Manner
http://us.cnn.com/POLITICS/analysis/toons/2009/01/30/mitchell/
--------------------
"Republican Senator Jim DeMint says the White House will "create crisis"
and "panic" to push President Obama's stimulus bill. Create crisis and
panic? Isn't crisis and panic the reason the stimulus bill was needed in
the first place?"
- Jim Barach
--------------------
You'd Think They'd Learn....
http://cagle.com/working/090129/lane.gif
--------------------
The stately Congressional halls,
Resound with the GOP's bawls,
This sad situation,
Imperils the nation....
If the Democrats only had gonads!
--------------------
Stampeded!
http://picayune.uclick.com/comics/crmlu/2009/crmlu090129.gif
--------------------
Q: How many Republicans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: All of them.... if there's something bright that needs to be screwed
over, the whole party wants in!
--------------------
They're Funny!
http://cagle.com/working/090131/cagle00.gif
--------------------
BREAKING NEWS from PNN.news.com
-- Rep. Donald Manzullo [R-IL] proposes $5,000 voucher for anyone buying a
new car; unemployed ask, "Where do we find 'We Will Loan To Absolutely
Anyone, Even You, Inc.'?"
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