last night on one of the news programs on MSNBC, someone mentioned that the night before Letterman showed a commercial-type of clip, mostly regarding the anticipated tea parties. At the end of this clip, it was like a campaign commercial where they say, we approve this message and at the very end, it said "we're republicans" and "we stand for nothing" I still want to look at that clip.........
--- On Thu, 4/16/09, woof- woof <[email protected]> wrote: From: woof- woof <[email protected]> Subject: {Dawgs/Dittos} Mama wee are all crazeee! To: [email protected] Date: Thursday, April 16, 2009, 3:08 PM Published on The Smirking Chimp (http://www.smirkingchimp.com) Mama weer all crazee now By Ed Naha Created Apr 16 2009 - 10:34am My fellow patriots, it's time to make a stand! Obama is coming to take away our guns! If not our guns, our tweezers, forcing us all to have unruly nose hair like the French! Definitely, he wants our dental floss. I saw that on Fox. And his Fascist-Socialist-Communist-Herbalist-Contortionist ways are going to destroy our middle class by creating jobs and not raising taxes! Remember: "No taxation without representation." Okay, technically, we have representation but it's, uh, not good. And the tax rate for 95 percent of us is going down, but it's still a tax. Just remember: nobody can take away our right to protest all this bad stuff that we hate because, uh, it's not the good stuff that we like which is, um, patriotic and the other stuff is, hmmm, some sort of "istic" and it will take away our right to protest stuff and own bazookas. Hell! This crap makes Glenn Beck cry!!! What more do you need, you heartless bastards! Welcome to America 2009, boys and girls, where March Madness has given way to April Insanity which, no doubt, will be overshadowed by May Moronism and, then, June Jerk-offery. Seeking to gain some traction in a country wherein the President has approval numbers ranging from the high sixties to the low seventies, wild-eyed conservative politicos, panderers and pundits are doing their best to paint Obama and his administration as the worst thing to happen to this country since Hitler took over. Wait, that happened in Germany. Oh, no matter. Logic has never been a strong point with these retro-rebels without a clue. Let's have Ann Coulter sum it up. "This is a total government takeover, and Big Brother coming in and taking our guns and schools and doctors" And, if your doctor packs heat and also teaches kindergarten, you're REALLY screwed. Since the election of Barack Obama and the massive repudiation of Republican malarkey last November, the paranoid right has been scrambling to hang any and all problems on the new president. Everything that is wrong, all the terrible stuff the voices in your head warn you about, is Obama's fault. At a time when America is teetering near financial ruin, we ALL find ourselves frightened. We're ALL nervous. We're ALL in search of something to hold onto, an anchor that will keep us in place as turbulent times swirl around us. However, there's a big difference between searching for an anchor and wearing an albatross. There's also a big difference between patriotism and a panic attack. In one of this week's douche bag, I mean, tea bag parties one sign, in particular, summed up both the intellect and the relevancy of the uber-right fringe society: "Stand by while some Kenyan tries to destroy America? Wap!! I don't think so!!! Homey don't play dat!!!" On the plus side, it was neatly printed. It would be nice to think that, in these troubled times, Republican leaders, both in office and on the airwaves, would make an attempt to assuage the fears of the perpetually petrified anti-everything crowd, to let them know that, if we all pull together as citizens, we can overcome any obstacle. It would also be nice to think that all humans are capable of thought. Survey says: NO! All societies have their share of ignoramuses, people who shy away from things like facts, history and reason. In America, playing to these fools has become an evergreen cottage industry - one that holds the Republican Party together. Ignoring (totally) what President George W. Bush (who?) did to destroy this nation, Republicans and their mouthpieces (mouth breathers?) have taken to tossing bogeymen hither and yon, determined to scare the already stunned populace into blind rage. Circus Geek Glenn Beck, for instance, recently poured a can of "phony" gasoline on a guest, ranting, "We didn't vote to lose the republic! We voted for change! - President Obama, why don't you just set us on fire?" He later groused, "By the way, I just want -- I just want to show you, kids, (this is) water, not gasoline. I was -- I was actually told by our legal department, 'Glenn, you can't just do that, you've got to' -- I said, yeah, this is why our country is so screwed up if I got to actually say, that wasn't really gasoline, kids. Don't do that at home, that would be really, really bad." Glenn, not only do you have to explain that to kids, you have to explain that to your core adult audience. We ain't talkin' Mensa, here. It's easy to single out self-proclaimed "rodeo clown" Beck ("Am I the only one that - those darn things make me crazy?") as the biggest idiot out there, but he's not. There's like a 100 person tie for that honor, ranging from Sean Hannity to Texas Governor Rick "Haircut" Perry. Feel threatened by some unseen forces? They'll tell you exactly how Obama is behind it. Fox's Hannity has declared "The Federal government - and I don't think I overstate this for our audience - is destroying our economic system as we currently know it." Beck foresees that Obama "will slowly but surely take away your gun or take away your ability to shoot a gun, carry a gun. He will make them more expensive. He'll tax them out of existence. He will because he has said he would. He will tax your gun or take your gun away one way or another." Naturally, Obama has never said that but that's what tinfoil hats are for...to channel possible communications from alternate realities. Beck is also on the record with, "(Obama) is also closing Gitmo and letting the terrorists onto the streets." (Note to self: Hide the womenfolk behind the guns in the basement.) Everyone's favorite con man G. Gordon Liddy has warned nervous gun owners, "The first thing you do is, no matter what law they pass, do not - repeat - not - ever register any of your firearms.... Because that's where they get the list of where to go first to confiscate. So, you don't ever register a firearm, anywhere." Of course, the above advice amounts to breaking the law. Fortunately, breaking the law is a topic that Liddy is an expert on. Newt Gingrich, currently available to scare the crap out of you at birthdays, weddings and bar mitzvahs, warns that Obama is moving us "towards a political dictatorship." Radio raver Michael Savage has revealed, "Obama has a plan to force children into a paramilitary domestic army. It was exposed yesterday on 'WorldNetDaily.'" Uh-huh. And this army will bivouac at Area 51. Bill O'Reilly, the voice of reason, ruminated, "Some conservative pundits actually believe the President is a star chamber guy, a man who secretly wants to turn America into a progressive country modeled on Western Europe. Also, they think he wants to lessen the power of America and sign up for a one-world combine of governance. In the past, that kind of thinking was labeled loony, BUT THAT'S CHANGING." Um, not really Bill. Republican National Committee Chairman Michael Steele, who personifies the Black American experience in a way not seen since the days of Al Jolson, is trying to raise money for the RNC by warning loyal tools that "the Obama administration is partnering with the liberal activist organization ACORN to rig the upcoming census...We must not let the Democrats and their radical leftist allies falsify the U.S. Census and manipulate elections in their favor. Our democracy, and the principle of 'One Person, One Vote' are in jeopardy." Exactly how? Uh, that's not clear, but if a census taker shows up at your door? Beat the hell out of him or her. That'll learn 'em. (Oh, yeah. Steele also doesn't think there's a recession going on.) Texas Governor Rick (Alberto VO5) Perry has warned that if Texans get any more Fed up, they may secede from the union. (Here's hoping their secession is a success.) Remarkably unpopular North Carolina Republic Senator Richard Burr suggested that all sane people make a run on the banks, withdrawing their money and wreaking havoc, saying that he advised his wife to withdraw as much as she could daily over the Easter weekend from the local ATM because he was convinced "that if you put a plastic card in an ATM machine the last thing you were going to get was cash." Since it was Easter weekend, one can understand Burr's expectation of getting yummy handfuls of Peeps instead of greenbacks. Among the wondrous flecks of froth being flung by the far right are: Obama wants to replace the dollar with World Wampum. Obama was raised by Marxists. Obama wants not only to destroy the Catholic Church, but ALL churches. (C'mon, if pedophile priests couldn't knock the Catholic Church down a notch, nothing can.) Obama and his wife are "white trash in the White House" (which shows that we've finally gotten past racism). Obama has created FEMA concentration camps (or maybe that was Lemur concentration camps, Beck was slurring that night). Obama is slashing the defense budget, although he's actually increasing it. Obama's existence will lead to more terrorist attacks on our soil. And his dog is faggy. Now, a lot of this buffoonery can be chalked up to the Republicans suddenly finding themselves on the outs with the majority of Americans. As Jon Stewart pointed out last week, "Now, you're in the minority. It's supposed to taste like a shit taco." He also pointed out "When the guy who you disagree with gets elected, he's probably going to do things you disagree with." As easy as it is to laugh at all this nonsense, let's play a word game. Here's how the Miriam Webster Dictionary defines "sedition." "Incitement of resistance to or insurrection against lawful authority." Here's Minnesota Republican Rep. Michele Bachman defining it. "I want people in Minnesota armed and dangerous on the issue of the energy tax because we need to fight back! Thomas Jefferson told us 'having a revolution every now and then is a good thing...'" Here's Sean Hannity's take. "If the government takes too much money and nationalizes everything, I'm telling you, there are gonna be dire consequences, because we're gonna - just like if it was a terror attack against America, Americans will get hurt." Glenn Beck, after stating, "The government is full of vampires, and they are trying to suck the lifeblood out of the economy," suggested that viewers "drive a stake through the heart of the bloodsuckers." After the G-20 Summit, Fox contributor Dick Morris opined, "Those crazies in Montana who say, 'We're going to kill ATF agents because the UN.'s going to take over' - well, they're beginning to have a case." It's one thing to preach to the choir. It's another thing to incite the already addled. Two weeks ago, Richard Poplawski shot and killed three cops responding to a domestic disturbance call because, according to "The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette," he was "convinced the nation was secretly controlled by a cabal that would eradicate freedom of speech, take away his guns and use the military to enslave the citizenry." One of the guns Poplawski used was an AK-47. I'm guessing he didn't buy it to hunt squirrels. Last year, at the height of the "liberals are out to get us" Republican presidential fandango, a man named Jim Adkisson walked into the Tennessee Valley Unitarian Universalist Church in Knoxville with a sawed-off 12-guage and killed two people, wounding several more. The only thing that stopped his shooting spree was his being tackled by churchgoers. The reason for his attack? According to a four-page letter he left at his house, he hated liberals and targeted that congregation because of their liberal policies. He also encouraged everyone to do something for their country "before you go. Go Kill Liberals." This concept didn't come out of thin air. It came from hot air. Which, in a roundabout way, bring us to this week's collection of scrotum suckers, I mean, tea baggers. Allegedly a genuine grassroots reaction to the recent stimulus package, the Tea Party effort was promoted, organized, funded and merchandized by several large, corporate-funded conservative outfits including Freedom Works (run by former House majority leader Dick Armey) and Americans for Prosperity. It was publicized 24/7 by Fox News in a way that would make Monster Truck Rally advertisers proud. Showing the true spontaneity of the movement, the domain name "ChicagoTeaParty.com" was registered eight months ago, when Bush was still president. This AstroTurf event was patterned after The Boston Tea Party because, naturally, it had nothing to do with it on any level. The original Boston Tea Party (with its "no taxation without representation" slogan) was the result of not only a populist revolt against British taxes but also a move by American merchants who were worried they'd lose money when the British actually lowered the tax on tea. When the British decided to lower the tax on U.K. tea, the colonial merchants, who'd been smuggling in European tea and selling it at a modest price, feared Britain's new low, low prices would mean financial ruin. So, the inventory of tea from the British East India Company was dumped overboard in the Boston Harbor to end the competition. Twisting and romanticizing history a tad, the nouveau patriots, proudly calling themselves "tea baggers," (only being informed of the snarky sexual slang meaning the morning of the protests) said they were part of a new movement to save the Constitution from, um, whatever. This week's Tea Parties drew millions, uh, hundreds of thous...tens of thousands of patriotic Americans who were anti-SOMETHING. The signs offered such incisive slogans as "Take Back America! Throw Out the Liberals," "Obama = Hitler," "Freeloading Illegals Are Raping U.S. Tax Payers," "The American taxpayers are the Jews for Obama's Ovens," Sieg Heil Herr Obama," "Why do you hate white collar workers," "Cut Taxes, not defense," "Obama Socialist Pig," "Speak for yourself Obama. We Are A Christian Nation," "We Need A Christian President" and that old anti-tax classic, "Stop Murdering Babies." Two rally snapshots stood out from the crowd. One pictured a young lad holding a sign "Higher taxes stole my trip to Disney." Apparently the kid makes over a quarter of a million a year and is a necropheliac. Another photo showed a perturbed blonde woman wielding the message: "For the first time in my life, I am ashamed of my country." So, unlike Terri Schiavo, this woman successfully emerged from her brain-dead coma...sort of. The Tea Baggers were so pleased by the media coverage of their national events that they've vowed another round of protests against (place your pet peeve here) for July 4th. Rumor has it that, next time, the Tea Baggers will also invite the Corn Holers to join in - just to spice up the news footage. In summing up the new and lofty political movements afoot in this country, I'll quote one of our esteemed new political faces, Joe the Plumber who, tea bagging in Lansing, Michigan, intoned, "I'm just regurgitating." Spoken like a true nouveau patriot. No taxation without regurgitation. GOP wins: "Mandate! Elections have consequences!" GOP loses: "Tyranny! Fascism! Revolution! Secession!" --~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~ You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups "WebTV Dawgs/Dittos" group. 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