Yesterday was Mother's Day, and I couldn't decide: it was a toss-up between
getting my wife a Swine Flu mask or applying for a government bailout for
her....
(via Tim Hunter, wackyweek.com)
--------------------
We're Learning A Lot!
http://cagle.com/working/090508/wright.jpg
--------------------
"I would like to talk about what my administration plans to achieve in the next
100 days. During the second 100 days, we will design, build and open a library
dedicated to my first 100 days."
- President Barack Obama
White House Correspondent's Association Dinner
--------------------
Mister Vice President, Should Americans Worry?
http://www.credoaction.com/comics/2009/05/mister_vice_president_should_a.html
--------------------
"Abe Lincoln was diagnosed by forensic pathologists Monday as dying of cancer
at the time he was shot. The DNA on his deathbed pillow could prove it. History
books may have to be revised to say that Abe Lincoln actually died of
actor-assisted suicide."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
"Maine became the fifth state to legalize gay marriage and the first gay couple
to get married? I was surprised: L.L. Bean and the old Pepperidge Farm guy."
- Jay Leno
--------------------
"Former 'MASH' star David Ogden Stiers who played Major Winchester says that he
is gay. Apparently his character had to wait through the Korean War, Viet Nam
and Iraq before being comfortable enough to come out of the closet."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
"Polygamy was outlawed because it was considered immoral according to biblical
standards."
. [actually, polygamy was fairly common in the old testament]
"But if we take biblical standards away in homosexuality, what about the other?
And what about bestiality and ultimately what about child molestation and
pedophilia? How can we criminalize these things and at the same time have
constitutional amendments allowing same-sex marriage among homosexuals. You
mark my words, this is just the beginning in a long downward slide in relation
to all the things that we consider to be abhorrent."
- Pat Robertson
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/05/07/robertson-child-molestation/
--------------------
Well Pat, by your logic, eating animals will lead to cannibalism.
I'll be opening my Human Meat BBQ place as soon as it becomes trendy.
--------------------
"From time to time, I enjoy slipping woofies into Fido's Alpo so I can have my
way with him...."
- (anonymous televangelist)
--------------------
"I never could understand why those two cowboys in that movie were gay with all
those good looking sheep around."
- Rep. Xxxxx Xxxxxx [R-WY]
--------------------
There's lots of people who are only held back by the law. Not me, but lots of
other people. A lot of people would totally turn gay and have wild anal sex 20
hours a day if only they could get married, and for the remaining 4 hours a day
screw ducks and geese and other hot animals.
Not me though. Other people. Perverts and liberals. That sort.
--------------------
"The gay agenda put another notch in its thick leather crotch harness
yesterday. Maine has legalized gay marriage."
- Jon Stewart, "The Daily Show"
--------------------
"Another state legalized same-sex marriage this week. Yesterday the governor of
Maine signed a bill legalizing it, and you know what that means? Gay lobsters."
- Jimmy Kimmel
--------------------
"In response to provocative pictures of herself that showed up online, Miss
California said that it was ok because quote: 'I am a Christian, and I am a
model...' which is not the same as being a model Christian."
- Pedro Bartes
--------------------
Model Christian
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=d97b43e71438f0fce19d4c1479770e88
--------------------
"Maine legalized gay marriage today. Maine became comfortable with the idea
after years of touching Canada."
- Craig Ferguson
--------------------
Gay and Lesbian organizations are urging President Obama to nominate the first
gay member of the Supreme Court. The first order of business would be to change
the robes from black to pastel, throw out the bench in favor of a settee and
change it from "Supreme" Court to "Fabulous!"
- Jim Barach
--------------------
"Good morning y'all, we're back in the house. We're talking a little bit of
Constitution and a little bit Supreme Court. And a whole lot of saving
America's judicial system and saving our rights as citizens and not having
empathetic judges decide cases, but rather judges who are actually
understanding the rule of law and what the Constitution and those laws are all
about. And how to apply the facts to the law and the law to the facts. And
adjudicate my case. I don't need some judge sitting up there feeling bad for my
opponent because of their life circumstances or their condition. And
short-changing me and my opportunity to get fair treatment under the law. Crazy
nonsense empathetic. I'll give you empathy. Empathize right on your behind.
Craziness."
- Michael Steele, RNC Chairman
(no, those are his actual words, I didn't make up one bit of it....)
http://www.politico.com/blogs/bensmith/0509/Steele_Crazy_nonsense_empathetic.html
--------------------
Let's see....
Michael Steele, who failed the Maryland bar, is lecturing Barack Obama, who
taught constitutional law for ten years, on what is and is not acceptable in a
Supreme Court judge.
Have I got that right?
--------------------
What's Happenin'....
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=ff386f2324d9db176a0fa0be62e39e73
--------------------
Senate GOP Plans Attack On Obama Health Care Bill
http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090507/ap_on_go_co/gop_health_care
The Obama administration's health care legislation doesn't exist yet, but
Senate Republicans are already seeking and getting detailed advice on the best
way to attack it. Such as, "The plan put forward by the Democrats will deny
people treatments they need and make them wait to get the treatments they are
allowed to receive."
Or, "a committee of Washington bureaucrats will establish the standard of care
for all Americans."
The suggestions are contained in a 28-page presentation by Frank Luntz, who has
long experience in advising Republicans on tailoring their speeches and
phrase-making to achieve maximum political benefit.
Luntz reviewed his recommendations Wednesday with aides to conservative
Republicans in a session organized by the Republican Policy Committee, headed
by Sen. John Ensign, R-Nev. A copy was obtained by The Associated Press. ...
"Your political opponents are the Democrats in Congress and the bureaucrats in
Washington, not President Obama. Every time we test language that criticized
the president by name, the response was negative even among Republicans," Luntz
wrote. "Americans want solutions, not politics." ...
[....and THIS isn't politics???]
--------------------
"Health insurance companies have offered to accept government regulation of
their industry. As long as no one tries to actually make them pay any doctor
bills."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
I'll Huff, And I'll Puff....
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=f76db8ddd13f19249d6a5d0b9b9bf445
--------------------
"The good news is the healthcare industry is promising to cut patient costs by
$2 trillion over the next 10 years. The bad news is that the waiting period to
see your doctor is now 10 years."
- Jake Novak
--------------------
The Governor Sent Us....
http://cagle.com/working/090502/priggee.jpg
--------------------
Karl Rove, WATB, thinks President Obama isn't playing well with the other
kids....
KARL ROVE: "Do we see a similar effort on healthcare, the signature domestic
initiative of President Obama, where he's saying, 'Let us bring together
Republicans and Democrats in the House and Senate to sit down and devise a
proposal? Not yet, but hope we do."
David Plouffe: "Well, this is like getting interview lessons from Sarah Palin,
a lecture on bipartisanship."
--------------------
"A fanatic won't change his mind and can't change the subject."
- Sir Winston Churchill
--------------------
GOP Listening Tour
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=83c3afdc550cf3c14e05d697c5193da1
--------------------
"Sarah Palin joined the GOP national listening tour Tuesday. Her daughter is an
unwed teen mom and her sister-in-law just got busted for selling meth. She
won't be the first politician to run for national office in order to spend less
time with her family."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
It's funny....
Right before the Republicans go over the cliff, they make sure they stop and
fill up on gas.
--------------------
Right-Sized
http://cagle.com/working/090510/matson.jpg
--------------------
"Governor Palin is not here tonight. She pulled out at the last minute.
Somebody should tell her that's not really how you practice abstinence."
- Wanda Sykes
White House Correspondent's Association Dinner
--------------------
"Britstol Palin will serve as Teen Ambassador to a group that advocates teen
pregnancy prevention. She is not alone; apparently she'll be joined by Chris
Brown as ambassador for domestic violence and John Edwards as ambassador for
faithful marriages."
- Pedro Bartes
--------------------
Are You Hiring?
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=64df3d1b86f03bb9e2570ceba6eb8798
--------------------
Colin Powell suggested Monday that Republicans stop listening to Rush Limbaugh
because he warps the party. The general is understandably bitter. He was in
charge of peace efforts and diplomacy in the Bush administration, and all he
got out of it was carpal tunnel syndrome from playing solitaire on his office
computer for four years."
- Argus Hamilton
--------------------
RESERVED
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=5159127a89822771347ae28e93527c3d
--------------------
CBS's "Face The Nation"
Bob Schieffer: Rush Limbaugh said the other day that the party would probably
be better off if Colin Powell left and just became a Democrat. Colin Powell
said Republicans would be better off if they didn't have Rush Limbaugh out
speaking for them. Where do you come down [on this]?
Dick Cheney: Well, if I had to choose in terms of being a Republican, I'd go
with Rush Limbaugh, I think. I think my take on it was Colin had already left
the party. I didn't know he was still a Republican.
Bob Schieffer: So you think that he's not a Republican?
Dick Cheney: I just noted he endorsed the Democratic candidate for president
this time, Barack Obama. I assumed that that is some indication of his loyalty
and his interest.
--------------------
More Competition....
http://tinyurl.com/rx284n
--------------------
"Leading Republicans have started a tour focusing on listening to Americans.
Exactly what Dick Cheney has been doing for years... listening to our
conversations..."
- Pedro Bartes
--------------------
Help Me....
http://cagle.com/working/090507/walters.jpg
--------------------
Cheney Jabs Powell On Party Loyalty
http://www.politico.com/news/stories/0509/22343.html
. . The tough talk comes amid considerable internecine warfare between GOP
moderates and conservatives, establishment and movement types. Many in the
party want to elevate new faces, but Cheney's attack serves as a reminder of
the continued prominence of some of the GOP's most familiar figures.
The former vice president has used a series of interviews since leaving office
in January to offer his unvarnished views, especially on Obama's national
security policies. The high profile has been notably different than that of
former President George W. Bush, who has said little publicly since returning
to Texas. ...
--------------------
What The Hell?
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=0cca9fbfbb8ca283012fc8962a54cfbe
--------------------
FOX News Channel has proposed giving "Dick" Cheney his own show....
They just haven't decided yet whether to call it "Shoot The Breeze", "Both
Barrels" or "In Your Face."
--------------------
Sean Hannity's Liberty Tree
http://tinyurl.com/qxwzf5
--------------------
"The Oklahoma State Legislature has bypassed the Governor's veto and claimed
state sovereignty. They will put up signs declaring their independence just as
soon as a federal grant comes through."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
"Oklahoma approved a bill on Wednesday that would give it sovereignty from the
federal government. This is Oklahoma's way of saying 'Keep your damn hands off
of our... uh, well, we really don't have anything you'd want, but if we did
we'd want you to keep your hands off of it.'"
- Jerry Perisho
--------------------
Going To Need Earplugs
http://cagle.com/working/090508/fitzsimmons.jpg
--------------------
"Sasha and Malia aren't here tonight because they're grounded. You can't just
take Air Force One on a joyride to Manhattan -- I don't care whose kids you
are."
- President Barack Obama
White House Correspondent's Association Dinner
--------------------
"The crown of the Statue of Liberty will reopen on July 4. New Yorkers are
looking forward to climbing up to the top of the statue and resume spitting on
New Jersey."
- Jake Novak
--------------------
Bless You!
http://cagle.com/working/090507/parker.jpg
--------------------
Interrogation Debate Sharply Divided Bush White House
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/04/us/politics/04detain.html
. . Acutely aware that the agency would be blamed if the policies lost
political support, nervous C.I.A. officials began to curb its practices much
earlier than most Americans know: no one was waterboarded after March 2003, and
coercive interrogation methods were shelved altogether in 2005
Yet even as interrogation methods were scaled back, former officials now say,
the battle inside the Bush administration over which ones should be permitted
only grew hotter. There would be a tense phone call over the program's future
during the 2005 Christmas holidays from Stephen J. Hadley, the national
security adviser, to Porter J. Goss, the C.I.A. director; a White House
showdown the next year between Ms. Rice and Vice President Dick Cheney; and Ms.
Rice's refusal in 2007 to endorse the executive order with which Mr. Bush
sought to revive the C.I.A. program. ...
Still, Mr. Cheney and top C.I.A. officials fought to revive the program. Steven
G. Bradbury, the head of the Justice Department's Office of Legal Counsel and
author of the recently declassified 2005 memorandums authorizing harsh C.I.A
interrogations, began drafting another memorandum in late 2006 to restore legal
approval for harsh interrogation. Mr. Bradbury noted that Congress, despite the
public controversy, had left it to the White House to set the limits.
Early drafts of the memorandum, circulated through the White House, the CI.A.
and the State Department, shocked some officials. Just months after the Supreme
Court had declared that the Geneva Convention applied to Al Qaeda, the new
Bradbury memorandum gave its blessing to almost every technique, except
waterboarding, that the C.I.A. had used since 2002. ...
--------------------
"America was not built on fear. America was built on courage, on imagination
and an unbeatable determination to do the job at hand."
- President Harry Truman
--------------------
"Dick Cheney was supposed to be here, but he couldn't. He's working on his
memoirs -- How To Shoot Friends And Interrogate People."
- President Barack Obama
White House Correspondent's Association Dinner
--------------------
Obama's Prosecutions by Proxy
By John R. Bolton
http://tinyurl.com/cwcets
President Obama's passivity before the threatened foreign prosecution of Bush
administration officials achieves by inaction what he fears doing directly.
This may be smart politics within the Democratic Party, but it risks grave
long-term damage to the United States. Ironically, it could also come back to
bite future Obama administration alumni, including the president, for their
current policies in Iraq, Afghanistan and elsewhere. ..
Behind-the-scenes diplomacy is often the best, and sometimes the only, way to
accomplish important policy objectives, and one hopes that such efforts are
underway. But in this case, firm and public statements are necessary to stop
the pending Spanish inquisition and to dissuade others from proceeding...
--------------------
Really, Mr. Bolton, do you really want to invoke the Spanish Inquisition?
Because that was where waterboarding grew up, you know....
--------------------
"A Mentality Reduced To Putty"
http://tinyurl.com/qql8rk
. . If Chinese do it to Americans, it's torture; if Americans do it to an
American, it's "harsh interrogation." ...
--------------------
"A Manhattan auction house is selling a collection of medieval torture devices.
Apparently, they bought most of them at Dick Cheney's garage sale."
- Pedro Bartes
--------------------
Stress Test
http://cagle.com/working/090507/darcy.jpg
--------------------
"Arizona Senator John Kyl [R] says that bank CEOs should not be removed from
their jobs. Apparently they are the one group that actually makes Congress look
like they are doing a good job."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
Stress....
http://cagle.com/working/090508/lane.gif
--------------------
AIG Stocks Soar After Posting Only $5 Billion Quarterly Loss
http://www.smthop.com/article.aspx?newsnum=1197
Reports from insiders with American International Group Inc (AIG) believe the
company is expected to announce tomorrow that they've only lost $5 billion this
quarter, a stark decline from their fourth quarter loss of $61.7 billion which
triggered a federal government bailout and much internal housecleaning.
"That's over a $55 billion improvement," said financial wizard Leroy Jones. "If
that trend continues, and I believe it will, AIG will be looking at a
profitable second quarter and profits of over $160 by year's end."
The news of AIG's recent success prompted an explosion in stock prices,
climbing over eight cents to a most impressive $1.81, down only $101.87 from
its high point in 2001.
AIG spokeswoman Christina Pretto declined to comment on the issue, presumably
too busy popping corks from expensive bottles of champagne along with the rest
of a now ecstatic group of AIG employees who no longer have to hang their heads
in shame.
--------------------
If It Works Once....
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=1ed6e2f85623b4eb4d7ecee2a5a46d08
--------------------
"But during all this growth I haven't lost any audience. I've never had
financially a down year. There's supposedly a recession, but we've got - what
is this May? Back in February we already had 102% of 2008 overbooked for 2009.
So I always believed that if we're going to have a recession, just don't
participate."
- Rush Limbaugh
http://thinkprogress.org/2009/05/05/limbaugh-mocks-recession/
Yeah, I suppose when you sign an 8 year $400 million contract, things don't
look so bad, do they?
--------------------
The GOP's fiscal blindspot disappeared in Jan. 09.... just like they were born
again, with no memory of their actions over the past 8 years whatsoever.
--------------------
What's That You Say?
http://cagle.com/working/090506/stantis.jpg
--------------------
"GM first quarter losses were $6 Billion. The losses were less than forecast.
It's nice to see a company working towards such high expectations."
- Jim Barach
--------------------
"Scientists unveiled on Tuesday a car powered by waste from chocolate
factories. The problem with the engine is that it'll eventually need a bypass."
- Pedro Bartes
***********************
Your Descent Is Slowing
http://imgsrv.gocomics.com/dim/?fh=08df52c9d5f6570b77e7e331c5e66989
--~--~---------~--~----~------------~-------~--~----~
You received this message because you are subscribed to the Google Groups
"WebTV Dawgs/Dittos" group.
To post to this group, send email to [email protected]
To unsubscribe from this group, send email to
[email protected]
For more options, visit this group at http://groups.google.com/group/WebTV-Pals
-~----------~----~----~----~------~----~------~--~---
