--- In [email protected], Diane Lochner
<[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
>
> you guys are Everready with the quick comments
>
> maxshenk <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: It's hard to tell watt'll
happen. A more devolted group you'll never
> find, though.
>
>
>
> --- In [email protected], "dlochund" <dlochund@>
> wrote:
> >
> > This group seems to have a great capacity for puns.
> > I wonder if we'll meet resistance to these current attempts?
> >
> > --- In [email protected], "maxshenk"
> > <brianmargo67@> wrote:
> > >
> > > Let's pole the group first and see if it passes the acid test.
> > >
> > >
> > > --- In [email protected], "James" <ttlsccr@>
> > > wrote:
> > > >
> > > > Guilty as charged. Put me in a cell.
> > > >
> > > > --- In [email protected], "maxshenk"
> > > > <brianmargo67@> wrote:
> > > > >
> > > > > Arrest this man for battery!
> > > > >
> > > > > --- In [email protected], "James"
<ttlsccr@>
> > > > > wrote:
> > > > > >
> > > > > > In fact they seem to Energizer. Thump thump, thump thump.
> > > > > >
> > > > > > --- In [email protected], "Ellen"
> > > > > > <ellengoodman6@> wrote:
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > Deprecating comments from people who live hundreds or
> > > thousands
> > > > > of
> > > > > > > miles away that I wouldn't recognize if I tripped over
> them
> > > > don't
> > > > > > > affect me much, no.
> > > > > > >
> > > > > > > --- In [email protected], "maxshenk"
> > > > > > > <brianmargo67@> wrote:
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > Well, you've survived this chat so far, so I'd say
> you're
> > > > > pretty
> > > > > > > much
> > > > > > > > bulletproof.
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > --- In [email protected], "Ellen"
> > > > > > > > <ellengoodman6@> wrote:
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > well I've survived this long without any major
health
> > > > > problems,
> > > > > > > so
> > > > > > > > I
> > > > > > > > > figure if public restrooms haven't killed me yet
they
> > > > > probably
> > > > > > > > > won't. I think it is like not swimming after
eating
> > and
> > > > all
> > > > > > > that.
> > > > > > > > > Epidemics were more common back then.
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > --- In
[email protected], "dvm8375"
> > > > > > > > > <muellerdana@> wrote:
> > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > My grandmother instilled the FEAR OF THE PUBLIC
> > TOILET
> > > > GERM
> > > > > > in
> > > > > > > me
> > > > > > > > > at
> > > > > > > > > > a very young age, and try as I might, I will
never
> > > > overcome
> > > > > > > it.
> > > > > > > > I
> > > > > > > > > > can't even force myself to sit on a toilet at
work,
> > > which
> > > > I
> > > > > > > know
> > > > > > > > is
> > > > > > > > > > very clean. However, what I find odd, is that I
> have
> > > no
> > > > > > > problem
> > > > > > > > > > sitting on a hotel toilet seat. Somehow that
> doesn't
> > > > seem
> > > > > > > public
> > > > > > > > > to
> > > > > > > > > > me.
> > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > --- In [email protected], Diane
> > > Lochner
> > > > > > > > > > <dlochund@> wrote:
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > A friend forwarded it to me...so I have no idea
> who
> > > > wrote
> > > > > > it
> > > > > > > or
> > > > > > > > > > what the original source was. I remember my
> > > grandmother,
> > > > I
> > > > > > was
> > > > > > > > > > about nine or ten, instructing me in proper
public
> > > toilet
> > > > > > > > > behavior.
> > > > > > > > > > To this day, the very first thing I do is check
to
> > see
> > > if
> > > > > > there
> > > > > > > > is
> > > > > > > > > > t.p. in the dispenser.
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > Ellen <ellengoodman6@> wrote: where did you
get
> > this
> > > > > > from?
> > > > > > > I
> > > > > > > > > > personally was never instructed to use
> > > > > > > > > > > toilet seat covers and/or hover, so I haven't
had
> > the
> > > > > > extent
> > > > > > > of
> > > > > > > > > > this
> > > > > > > > > > > experience, although lack of hook, lack of door
> > lock,
> > > > and
> > > > > > > lack
> > > > > > > > of
> > > > > > > > > > > toilet paper, as well as automatic flushers and
> > > > automatic
> > > > > > > sinks
> > > > > > > > > are
> > > > > > > > > > > constant irritations. I always thought the
> toilet
> > > seat
> > > > > > cover
> > > > > > > > > > business
> > > > > > > > > > > was ridiculous--I don't think the part of your
> body
> > > > that
> > > > > is
> > > > > > > > > > actually
> > > > > > > > > > > in contact with the toilet seat is the part
with
> > the
> > > > > > germs.
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > --- In [email protected],
Diane
> > > Lochner
> > > > > > > > > > > <dlochund@> wrote:
> > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > Prior Proper Planning Prevents Piss Poor
> Peeing !
> > > > > > > > > > > > Women's Trip to the Restroom
> > > > > > > > > > > > Is this true? I think it's just a cover up
for
> > why
> > > u
> > > > > all
> > > > > > > take
> > > > > > > > so
> > > > > > > > > > > long! New & Revised 6 P's:
> > > > > > > > > > > > My mother was a fanatic about public
> bathrooms.
> > > When
> > > > I
> > > > > > was
> > > > > > > a
> > > > > > > > > > little
> > > > > > > > > > > > girl, she'd take me into the stall, teach me
to
> > wad
> > > > up
> > > > > > > toilet
> > > > > > > > > > paper
> > > > > > > > > > > and
> > > > > > > > > > > > wipe the seat. Then, she'd carefully lay
strips
> > of
> > > > > toilet
> > > > > > > > paper
> > > > > > > > > > to
> > > > > > > > > > > cover
> > > > > > > > > > > > the seat. Finally, she'd instruct, "Never,
> NEVER
> > > sit
> > > > on
> > > > > a
> > > > > > > > public
> > > > > > > > > > > toilet
> > > > > > > > > > > > seat.
> > > > > > > > > > > > Then she'd demonstrate "The Stance," which
> > > consisted
> > > > of
> > > > > > > > > > balancing over
> > > > > > > > > > > > the toilet in a sitting position without
> > actually
> > > > > > letting
> > > > > > > > any
> > > > > > > > > > of your
> > > > > > > > > > > > flesh make contact with the toilet seat.
> > > > > > > > > > > > By this time, I'd have wet down my leg and
> we'd
> > > have
> > > > > to
> > > > > > go
> > > > > > > > > home
> > > > > > > > > > to
> > > > > > > > > > > > change my clothes. That was a long time ago.
> Even
> > > > now,
> > > > > in
> > > > > > > my
> > > > > > > > > > more
> > > > > > > > > > > > "mature years, The Stance" is excruciatingly
> > > > difficult
> > > > > > to
> > > > > > > > > > > > maintain, especially when one's bladder is
> full.
> > > > > > > > > > > > When you have to "go" in a public bathroom,
> you
> > > > > usually
> > > > > > > find
> > > > > > > > a
> > > > > > > > > > line of
> > > > > > > > > > > > women that makes you think there's a half-
price
> > > sale
> > > > on
> > > > > > > > Nelly's
> > > > > > > > > > > > underwear in there. So, you wait and smile
> > > politely
> > > > at
> > > > > > all
> > > > > > > > the
> > > > > > > > > > other
> > > > > > > > > > > > ladies, who are also crossing their legs and
> > > smiling
> > > > > > > > politely.
> > > > > > > > > > > > You get closer and check for feet under the
> > stall
> > > > > doors.
> > > > > > > > Every
> > > > > > > > > > one is
> > > > > > > > > > > > occupied. Finally, a door opens and you dash
> in,
> > > > nearly
> > > > > > > > > knocking
> > > > > > > > > > down
> > > > > > > > > > > > the woman leaving the stall. You get in to
> find
> > > the
> > > > > door
> > > > > > > > won't
> > > > > > > > > > > latch. It
> > > > > > > > > > > > doesn't matter. The dispenser for the new
> > > > fangled "seat
> > > > > > > > covers"
> > > > > > > > > > > > (invented by someone's Mom, no doubt) is
> handy,
> > > but
> > > > > > empty.
> > > > > > > > You
> > > > > > > > > > would
> > > > > > > > > > > > hang your purse on the door hook, if there
was
> > one,
> > > > but
> > > > > > > there
> > > > > > > > > > isn't
> > > > > > > > > > > - so
> > > > > > > > > > > > you carefully but quickly hang it around
your
> > neck
> > > > > (Mom
> > > > > > > > would
> > > > > > > > > > turn
> > > > > > > > > > > over
> > > > > > > > > > > > in her grave if you put it on the FLOOR!),
yank
> > > down
> > > > > your
> > > > > > > > > pants,
> > > > > > > > > > and
> > > > > > > > > > > > assume "The Stance."
> > > > > > > > > > > > Ahhhh, relief. More relief. But then your
> thighs
> > > > begin
> > > > > to
> > > > > > > > > shake.
> > > > > > > > > > You'd
> > > > > > > > > > > > love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't
> taken
> > > time
> > > > > to
> > > > > > > wipe
> > > > > > > > > > the seat
> > > > > > > > > > > > or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The
> > Stance"
> > > > as
> > > > > > your
> > > > > > > > > > thighs
> > > > > > > > > > > > experience a quake that would register an
eight
> > on
> > > > the
> > > > > > > Richter
> > > > > > > > > > > scale. To
> > > > > > > > > > > > take your mind off of your trembling thighs,
> you
> > > > reach
> > > > > > for
> > > > > > > > what
> > > > > > > > > > you
> > > > > > > > > > > > discover to be the empty toilet paper
> dispenser.
> > In
> > > > > your
> > > > > > > > mind,
> > > > > > > > > > you can
> > > > > > > > > > > > hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if
you
> > > would
> > > > > > have
> > > > > > > > > tried
> > > > > > > > > > to
> > > > > > > > > > > > clean the seat, you would have KNOWN there
was
> no
> > > > > toilet
> > > > > > > > > paper!"
> > > > > > > > > > Your
> > > > > > > > > > > > thighs shake more. You remember the tiny
tissue
> > > that
> > > > > you
> > > > > > > blew
> > > > > > > > > > your nose
> > > > > > > > > > > > on yesterday -the one that's still in your
> purse.
> > > > That
> > > > > > > would
> > > > > > > > > > have to
> > > > > > > > > > > do.
> > > > > > > > > > > > You crumple it in the puffiest way possible.
It
> > is
> > > > > still
> > > > > > > > > smaller
> > > > > > > > > > than
> > > > > > > > > > > > your thumbnail.
> > > > > > > > > > > > Someone pushes open your stall door because
> the
> > > > latch
> > > > > > > > doesn't
> > > > > > > > > > work.
> > > > > > > > > > > The
> > > > > > > > > > > > door hits your purse, which is hanging around
> > your
> > > > neck
> > > > > > in
> > > > > > > > > front
> > > > > > > > > > of
> > > > > > > > > > > your
> > > > > > > > > > > > chest, and you and your purse topple
backward
> > > > against
> > > > > > the
> > > > > > > > tank
> > > > > > > > > > of the
> > > > > > > > > > > > toilet.
> > > > > > > > > > > > "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the
> > door,
> > > > > > dropping
> > > > > > > > > > your
> > > > > > > > > > > > precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle,
> and
> > > > > sliding
> > > > > > > > down,
> > > > > > > > > > directly
> > > > > > > > > > > > onto the insidious toilet seat. You bolt up,
> > > knowing
> > > > > all
> > > > > > > too
> > > > > > > > > > well that
> > > > > > > > > > > > it's too late. Your bare bottom has made
> contact
> > > with
> > > > > > every
> > > > > > > > > > imaginable
> > > > > > > > > > > > germ and life form on the uncovered seat
> because
> > > YOU
> > > > > > never
> > > > > > > > laid
> > > > > > > > > > down
> > > > > > > > > > > > toilet paper - not that there was any, even
if
> > you
> > > > had
> > > > > > > taken
> > > > > > > > > > time to
> > > > > > > > > > > > try.
> > > > > > > > > > > > You know that your mother would be utterly
> > ashamed
> > > > of
> > > > > > you
> > > > > > > if
> > > > > > > > > > she knew,
> > > > > > > > > > > > because you're certain that her bare bottom
> never
> > > > > touched
> > > > > > a
> > > > > > > > > > public
> > > > > > > > > > > > toilet seat because, frankly, dear, "You
just
> > > don't
> > > > > KNOW
> > > > > > > > what
> > > > > > > > > > kind of
> > > > > > > > > > > > diseases you could get."
> > > > > > > > > > > > By this time, the automatic sensor on the
back
> of
> > > the
> > > > > > > toilet
> > > > > > > > is
> > > > > > > > > > so
> > > > > > > > > > > > confused that it flushes, sending up a stream
> of
> > > > water
> > > > > > akin
> > > > > > > > to
> > > > > > > > > a
> > > > > > > > > > > > fountain that suddenly sucks everything down
> with
> > > > such
> > > > > > > force
> > > > > > > > > > that you
> > > > > > > > > > > > grab onto the toilet paper dispenser for fear
> of
> > > > being
> > > > > > > > dragged
> > > > > > > > > > off to
> > > > > > > > > > > > China. At that point, you give up. You're
> soaked
> > by
> > > > the
> > > > > > > > > splashing
> > > > > > > > > > > water.
> > > > > > > > > > > > You're exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum
> > > wrapper
> > > > > you
> > > > > > > > found
> > > > > > > > > > in your
> > > > > > > > > > > > pocket, and then slink out inconspicuously to
> the
> > > > > sinks.
> > > > > > > You
> > > > > > > > > > can't
> > > > > > > > > > > > figure out how to operate the faucets with
the
> > > > > automatic
> > > > > > > > > > sensors, so
> > > > > > > > > > > you
> > > > > > > > > > > > wipe your hands with spit and a dry paper
towel
> > and
> > > > > walk
> > > > > > > past
> > > > > > > > a
> > > > > > > > > > line
> > > > > > > > > > > of
> > > > > > > > > > > > women, still waiting, cross-legged and, at
this
> > > > point,
> > > > > no
> > > > > > > > longer
> > > > > > > > > > > able to
> > > > > > > > > > > > smile politely.
> > > > > > > > > > > > One kind soul at the very end of the line
> points
> > > out
> > > > > > that
> > > > > > > > you
> > > > > > > > > > are
> > > > > > > > > > > > trailing a piece of toilet paper on your shoe
> as
> > > long
> > > > > as
> > > > > > the
> > > > > > > > > > > Mississippi
> > > > > > > > > > > > River! (Where was it when you NEEDED it??)
You
> > > yank
> > > > > the
> > > > > > > > paper
> > > > > > > > > > from
> > > > > > > > > > > your
> > > > > > > > > > > > shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell her
> > > > > > warmly, "Here,
> > > > > > > > you
> > > > > > > > > > just
> > > > > > > > > > > > might need this."
> > > > > > > > > > > > As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has
since
> > > > > entered,
> > > > > > > used
> > > > > > > > > and
> > > > > > > > > > > exited
> > > > > > > > > > > > the men's restroom and read a copy of War and
> > Peace
> > > > > while
> > > > > > > > > > waiting for
> > > > > > > > > > > > you. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so
long,
> > and
> > > > why
> > > > > is
> > > > > > > > your
> > > > > > > > > > purse
> > > > > > > > > > > > hanging around your neck?"
> > > > > > > > > > > > This is dedicated to women everywhere who
have
> > ever
> > > > had
> > > > > > to
> > > > > > > > deal
> > > > > > > > > > with a
> > > > > > > > > > > > public restroom (rest??? you've got to be
> > > kidding!!).
> > > > > It
> > > > > > > > > > finally
> > > > > > > > > > > > explains to the men what really does take us
so
> > > long.
> > > > > It
> > > > > > > also
> > > > > > > > > > answers
> > > > > > > > > > > > their other commonly asked question about why
> > women
> > > > go
> > > > > to
> > > > > > > the
> > > > > > > > > > restroom
> > > > > > > > > > > > in pairs. It's so the other woman can hold
the
> > > door,
> > > > > hold
> > > > > > > > your
> > > > > > > > > > purse
> > > > > > > > > > > and
> > > > > > > > > > > > hand you Kleenex under the door.
> > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > >
> > > > > > > > > > > > ---------------------------------
> > > > > > > > > > > > How low will we go? Check out Yahoo!
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> > > > > > PC-
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