I feel very close to freedom, now I am at a point in which I am not unsure of the way to go, I have to give up not just the painful life experiences, but also the joyous ones as well. It is easy to give up the experience of suffering, but difficult to give up the blessed, love-filled ones. The situation started like this: I met a new-age psychiatrist a few weeks ago, she practices NLP, neuro-linguistic-programming. She demonstrated with me a technique to release the memory of my ex-wife, the resentment of which had me emotionally incapacitated. I found the hold this memory had on my life was gone (at least is was for about two weeks, more about that later.) Suddenly, I had this great creative release, in that short period I created a new television show, written in three bursts, I wrote a commercial (which will blow you all away,) two songs and a new set of lyrics for an old country ballad AND business which had languished for months started getting getting finished, and list goes on... Then, by an off-chance my recollections were triggered and I stopped dead in my tracks. Thanks to my previous experience, now I knew what to do... I had to get rid of every recollection I had of every event in my life, and not just the failures but the successes as well; if I wished to be truly free. There's the rub... as it were! As I started loading up all my recollections of my life to get rid of them, I got to some of the most beautiful and loving ones, and I couldn't do it and as of yet... I haven't. But all those things have to go if I was to let the even more beautiful and breathtaking spirit were to ever pass through me. I kind of felt that this kind of enlightenment wasn't a brightening of my brain... something to be added to my life, but a life entirely not my own. Kind of like a fluorescent light where light emerges from an outside current flowing through the tube. I have seen it and it is wonderous. What it burns... what is uses to fluoresce... is my soul. What a high price! The 'price of admission' to a new and wonderful life is the memory of my daughter swinging from my hand... the reminescence of the love... my dog had for me. I felt that I would remember them, but only as some black and white photo instead of the vivid color print filled with the love for her and joy in friendship. Was I being asked to shed personal joy to gain esctasy and play the music of the spheres. Personal joy blended with personal loss was ectatic too... maybe ecstacy enough... for someone who was after all, just a man. Yet I have seen a great light, and I feel drawn to it... because of its beauty and because the answers seem to be there. As I have just related, I have recently been examining my life; and, it seems that I have always been preparing (and been prepared!) for some great thing. I have met person's who were supposedly dead, the premiere Wiccan... Old Dorothy. I once drove with the guy who started Eckankar, only to find out later the guy had been dead six months. I slept on the floor of the Door's practice studio, close friends with Jim Morrison and helped lead him on the Eve of his fame. I can hardly relate a lifetimes of coincidents and things... miraculous! (I know Buddha avoided the miraculous!) I guess I am sharing this because I saw your picture (if it was you???) on the member's page and felt I needed to talk to someone who might understand.
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