Dear S, This is intense, and also coherent. The syntax is pushed almost to breaking point, but mostly it works. There are editing issues, I have marked them in square brackets below.
Cheers, V On 11/30/05, siva_ramanathan04 <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote: > THE DOOM OF SILENCE > > Dear child, we say, when we marry off > our daughters, forget us, forget your thus [hyphenate "thus- / -far"] > far life, forget your till-this-moment home > and adopt his parents, his siblings, and [cut "and"?] call > his house your own, [ replace comma with full stop to make more clear] in > short [comma after short] we wash our hands > off [should be "of"] you, and we don't want to hear the other side > news-- [replace hyphen with comma] only births and deaths and marriages > so that we may bless or console as suits the ocassion [spelling?] [insert > comma] > in short [insert comma] adopt and practise 'the mantra of silence.' > My daughter did, > so we did not know > when he pricked her nose with a pin > attempting to punch a hole for a nosering [two words: nose ring] > when he scorched her tender skin > with a burning cigarette butt > burning weal marks into her covered body > when he threatened to crush the skull > of my grandkids ,Krishna and Sri Rama [insert comma] > driving his Maruti purposefully > against the forward standing ["forward standing" doesn't make sense to me] > tree > when he stole her jewellery > and pawned it for money > to play rummy at the country club > when he kept asking us for perennial ["kept asking us" and "perennial" mean > the same thing in this context, so it amounts to repetition] > dowry, , [extra comma] he left our daughter's bed > for other women [hyphenate other-women] sex, so that when > he knocked late at her door step > she let him in and when he offered > her hair to the Lord of Thirupathi , > my daughter bore it all in silence > and the day he planned an en masse ["en masse"? how many people were > committing suicide? perhaps you mean double suicide] suicide > she opened her mouth only to swallow > whatever it was he had mixed > in the almond flavoured milk. > He survived with the two kids and > my daughter died > carrying her silence full circle. > > Sivakami Velliangiri > > > > > > > > > -- > You are encouraged to post poetry, respond critically to the poems circulated > and participate in discussions. To post, email your message to > [email protected] OR post online at > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/post/ > > Tell friends to subscribe to ZESTPoets by sending a blank email to [EMAIL > PROTECTED], OR, if they have a Yahoo! ID, by visiting > http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/join/ > > > > ---theZESTcommunity-------------- > > [1] ZESTCurrent: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTCurrent/ > [2] ZESTEconomics: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTEconomics/ > [3] ZESTGlobal: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTGlobal/ > [4] ZESTMedia: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTMedia/ > [5] ZESTPoets: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/ > [6] ZESTCaste: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTCaste/ > [7] ZESTAlternative: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTAlternative/ > [8] TalkZEST: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TalkZEST/ > --- > Yahoo! Groups Links > > > > > > > ------------------------ Yahoo! Groups Sponsor --------------------~--> Life without art & music? Keep the arts alive today at Network for Good! http://us.click.yahoo.com/7zgKlB/dnQLAA/Zx0JAA/yqIolB/TM --------------------------------------------------------------------~-> -- You are encouraged to post poetry, respond critically to the poems circulated and participate in discussions. To post, email your message to [email protected] OR post online at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/post/ Tell friends to subscribe to ZESTPoets by sending a blank email to [EMAIL PROTECTED], OR, if they have a Yahoo! ID, by visiting http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/join/ ---theZESTcommunity-------------- [1] ZESTCurrent: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTCurrent/ [2] ZESTEconomics: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTEconomics/ [3] ZESTGlobal: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTGlobal/ [4] ZESTMedia: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTMedia/ [5] ZESTPoets: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/ [6] ZESTCaste: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTCaste/ [7] ZESTAlternative: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTAlternative/ [8] TalkZEST: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/TalkZEST/ --- Yahoo! Groups Links <*> To visit your group on the web, go to: http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ZESTPoets/ <*> To unsubscribe from this group, send an email to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] <*> Your use of Yahoo! Groups is subject to: http://docs.yahoo.com/info/terms/
