Re: [ZESTPoets] Re: paranoia

Thu, 01 Dec 2005 07:03:52 -0800

I wish you had included the poem! I will get back to it and check out what you say.
You are probably right about keeping the delusional/paranoid aspect.
 
This poem is relatively new,and practically wrote itself.I know it will need some editing, but it hasn't had time to finish fermenting. This takes anything from a week to a year.  And the repetition is needed; it is exactly what Bush does in his interminably dogmatic speeches. My own feeling was that some lines were redundant.Thanks Hansa, for confirming this.
 
Yes, I had dark fun writing it...it's the best explanation I can find for the curiously paranoid state of mind that American governments so consistently display. I am planning another poem to explain the Indian moral police. Hope I don't get lynched...
 
jane

hansa thapliyal <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
dear jane, i really liked this piece.
i almost sang it- like some marching song in my head,
as i read it. but the third stanza on, your voice
became clearer each time the stanza ended- clarifying
what you felt about the american paranoia.
for me that took away a bit from the poem. in the
first two stanzas the last two lines each time- were
more ambiguous. 'dangers that only we can percieve'
seems wonderfully paranoid and delusional, at the same
time, there is the ambiguous possibility that the
authors opinion might be there too. but talking of the
'enemy we created', to me, seems like supplanting the
deluded voice with your own rational one.
which i think is not needed- by creating a chronology
of deluions, you have taken us wonderfully to that
understanding anyway.
perhaps if these ambiguities could appear as some
confusions within the deluded voice- not as clear
alternative statements- it might be-dare i use the
phrase, but i enjoyed the poem so much i think i can-
it might be more fun. like the rest of the poem is.
dark good fun.
affly,
hansa 

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