Dear Temp,
feeling victimised ... because I was hungry as stated in the previous line (and actually these particular blood tests didn't require fasting, but they insisted.)
ligatured ... standard practice for blood tests: temporary closure of the vein to get a good flow.
needle's tooth ... I already had the bizarre idea of the vampire, hence the tooth. Needle alone does not convey its ghoulishness.
lunch box ... I had just eaten my sandwich - see line 3 of the last stanza. The lunchbox became a safe receptacle until the blood samples could be handed over. Bombay Hospital uses its patients as peons. I see that the last stanza does not fully explain this practice. I will re-write...
'Then they say I must take two samples
To the next department. It's still closed.
I eat my life-saving sandwich and wait,
The samples cached safely in my lunch box,
A nice little snack for Dracula.'
To the next department. It's still closed.
I eat my life-saving sandwich and wait,
The samples cached safely in my lunch box,
A nice little snack for Dracula.'
This is just a flippant little poem; I wrote it because like Frank O'Hara I like poems of the moment. You are right about the Kodak effect. It is exactly that, and like the old Kodak pictures, had to be carefully composed from the start to get a certain effect. The first draft undergoes revision as it is being written. This is not your effortless stream of consciousness: some preliminary organisation of the central idea is required. If you are lucky this goes well enough that you don't have to revise much later on - though I will let this sit for a week or two before I commit myself to that.
Jane
temporal t <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
jane
poets capture kodak moments in words.... having written this linger...should i have written feelings instead of moments?
when you revise you may want to look again at feeling victimised, ligatured, and needle's tooth
The samples cached safely in my lunch box, why in your lunch box?... (or is it because you are asked to take them to thew other department?)On 12/4/05, jane bhandari < [EMAIL PROTECTED]> wrote:
> ...I wrote this yesterday while waiting for a hospital
> department to open and accept my blood...> MRS DRACULA
>
> Grey hospital walls, grubby benches,
> Early morning stomach growling hungrily:
>
> Feeling victimised, I lie on the bed
> Arm outstretched and ligatured,
> Fist clenched, and wait for the jab.
> The delicate nibble of the needle's tooth
> And the sight of blood spurting
> Into the vial makes me think of vampiresÂ…
>
> Then they say two samples
> Must go to the next department. It's closed.
> I eat my life-saving sandwich and wait,
> The samples cached safely in my lunch box,
> A nice little snack for Dracula.
>
> Jane Bhandari
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