Welcome to the ZION List. But before becoming a full-fledged member, you must first fill out this survey and return it back to the list. Thanks for your cooperation.
1. Are you a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?
2. Do you sustain Gordon B. Hinckley as the President of the Church, and as Prophet, Seer, and Revelator?
3. Do you sustain the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as Prophets, Seers, and Revelators?
4. Do you sustain your local leaders?
5. Are you now or have you ever been involved with, or supported (either financially, emotionally, spiritually, or otherwise) any individual or groups of individuals who are apostates to the Church?
6. WHITE SHIRTS a. Do you own any white shirts? If so, how many? b. Do you wear them on Sunday? c. Have you ever worn a shirt that was not white on Sunday? d. Do you have a white belt and shoes to match? e. Have you ever worn white shoes after Labor Day?
7. WORD OF WISDOM a. Have you ever drank or do you now drink Coca-Cola, or Pepsi? b. Have you ever drank or do you now drink "herbal teas" ? c. Do you eat chocolate? d. Do you drink Gatorade so you can "be like Mike" ? e. Do you do these things on Sunday?
8. PLAYING CARDS a. Do you now play or have you ever played cards? b. Do you own playing cards? c. Do you have any card games on your computer? d. Have you ever watched anybody play cards? e. Have you ever known anybody from Las Vegas? f. Is a Royal Flush better than a Full House?
9. FEMINISTS a. Have you ever used the term "feminazi" before? b. Do you sympathize with the "feminist movement" or "feminist agenda"? c. Do you watch or have you ever watched TV talk shows like "Sally Jessy Raphael", "Oprah", "Donahue" or "Geraldo"?
10. POLITICAL AGENDA a. Are you a conservative or liberal? (Please do not answer "middle of the road" here. You must identify yourself as one or the other.) b. Do you drink Orange Juice? c. Did you vote for Bill & Hillary? d. Have you ever listened to or do you now listen to "Rush Limbaugh"? e. Please list all publications (magazines, newspapers etc) you read.
11. CHURCH a. Please describe any and all callings that you have had in the Church. b. When do you think the Second Coming of the Lord will be? c. Do you consider yourself to be an "iron rodder"? d. Do you play basketball? What position? Height?
12. SACRAMENT a. Do you take the sacrament with your right hand? b. Do you save the bread until the water comes? c. Do you smack others who take the sacrament with their left hand? d. Are you left-handed? e. Have you ever sneezed on the sacrament trays?
13. SPIRIT & BIRTH When does the spirit enter the body? a. Immediately after conception b. After conception but before birth c. At birth d. After birth but before the age of eight e. I've known some people who had no soul at all.
14. GUNS a. Do you think that guns are immoral or unchristian? b. Do you own any guns? If so, list them. Attach a separate page, if needed. c. Have you ever fired a gun? When was the last time? d. Do you support the right to bear arms? e. Do you support the right to arm bears? f. Are you a member of the NRA, NOW, BSA, FBI, CIA, JBS, or CNN?
15. MEDIA a. Do you think the media is biased? b. Do you trust what the media reports? c. Do you think it is okay to "bash" the media?
16. MISSIONARY WORK a. Did you serve a mission? If so, where? b. Did you get married within 18 months of returning? c. Can you still fit into your mission clothes? d. How many ties do you own?
17. MISCELLANEOUS a. Do you ever use the term "GA" to refer to a General Authority? b. Do you ever refer to Church Leaders by their initials? c. Do you own a ouija board? d. Do you own a dartboard? e. How does Teflon stick to the pan? f. Why are manhole covers round? g. Do you have a garden at home? Have you ever grown zucchini? If so, what is the largest zucchini you've grown? h. Do you wear a mask at Halloween? Do you wear a mask at any other time of the year? i. Do you eat Lime Jell-O? j. Have you ever put butter on a cat?
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