I remember when Jeff first posted this about 9 years ago--then revised it several times. I also remember some new Zionisti thinking it was a serious survey! Funny thing is, it's still pretty relevant!
val On Sun, 02 Nov 2003 17:51:06 -0900 "John W. Redelfs" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]> writes: > With great fondness I remember a list member, Jeff Farinacci, who > delighted > us with his "New Member Survey." For nostalgia's sake I post it > here: > > Welcome to the ZION List. > But before becoming a full-fledged member, you must first fill > out this > survey and return it back to the list. Thanks for your > cooperation. > > 1. Are you a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day > Saints? > > 2. Do you sustain Gordon B. Hinckley as the President of the > Church, and as > Prophet, Seer, and Revelator? > > 3. Do you sustain the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles as Prophets, > Seers, and > Revelators? > > 4. Do you sustain your local leaders? > > 5. Are you now or have you ever been involved with, or supported > (either > financially, emotionally, spiritually, or otherwise) any individual > or groups > of individuals who are apostates to the Church? > > 6. WHITE SHIRTS > a. Do you own any white shirts? If so, how many? > b. Do you wear them on Sunday? > c. Have you ever worn a shirt that was not white on Sunday? > d. Do you have a white belt and shoes to match? > e. Have you ever worn white shoes after Labor Day? > > 7. WORD OF WISDOM > a. Have you ever drank or do you now drink Coca-Cola, or > Pepsi? > b. Have you ever drank or do you now drink "herbal teas" ? > c. Do you eat chocolate? > d. Do you drink Gatorade so you can "be like Mike" ? > e. Do you do these things on Sunday? > > 8. PLAYING CARDS > a. Do you now play or have you ever played cards? > b. Do you own playing cards? > c. Do you have any card games on your computer? > d. Have you ever watched anybody play cards? > e. Have you ever known anybody from Las Vegas? > f. Is a Royal Flush better than a Full House? > > 9. FEMINISTS > a. Have you ever used the term "feminazi" before? > b. Do you sympathize with the "feminist movement" or "feminist > agenda"? > c. Do you watch or have you ever watched TV talk shows like > "Sally Jessy > Raphael", "Oprah", "Donahue" or "Geraldo"? > > 10. POLITICAL AGENDA > a. Are you a conservative or liberal? > (Please do not answer "middle of the road" here. > You must identify yourself as one or the other.) > b. Do you drink Orange Juice? > c. Did you vote for Bill & Hillary? > d. Have you ever listened to or do you now listen to "Rush > Limbaugh"? > e. Please list all publications (magazines, newspapers etc) > you read. > > 11. CHURCH > a. Please describe any and all callings that you have had in > the Church. > b. When do you think the Second Coming of the Lord will be? > c. Do you consider yourself to be an "iron rodder"? > d. Do you play basketball? What position? Height? > > 12. SACRAMENT > a. Do you take the sacrament with your right hand? > b. Do you save the bread until the water comes? > c. Do you smack others who take the sacrament with their left > hand? > d. Are you left-handed? > e. Have you ever sneezed on the sacrament trays? > > 13. SPIRIT & BIRTH > When does the spirit enter the body? > a. Immediately after conception > b. After conception but before birth > c. At birth > d. After birth but before the age of eight > e. I've known some people who had no soul at all. > > 14. GUNS > a. Do you think that guns are immoral or unchristian? > b. Do you own any guns? If so, list them. > Attach a separate page, if needed. > c. Have you ever fired a gun? When was the last time? > d. Do you support the right to bear arms? > e. Do you support the right to arm bears? > f. Are you a member of the NRA, NOW, BSA, FBI, CIA, JBS, or > CNN? > > 15. MEDIA > a. Do you think the media is biased? > b. Do you trust what the media reports? > c. Do you think it is okay to "bash" the media? > > 16. MISSIONARY WORK > a. Did you serve a mission? If so, where? > b. Did you get married within 18 months of returning? > c. Can you still fit into your mission clothes? > d. How many ties do you own? > > 17. MISCELLANEOUS > a. Do you ever use the term "GA" to refer to a General > Authority? > b. Do you ever refer to Church Leaders by their initials? > c. Do you own a ouija board? > d. Do you own a dartboard? > e. How does Teflon stick to the pan? > f. Why are manhole covers round? > g. Do you have a garden at home? Have you ever grown > zucchini? > If so, what is the largest zucchini you've grown? > h. Do you wear a mask at Halloween? > Do you wear a mask at any other time of the year? > i. Do you eat Lime Jell-O? > j. Have you ever put butter on a cat? > > ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// ///// > /// ZION LIST CHARTER: Please read it at /// > /// http://www.zionsbest.com/charter.html /// > ///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////// //// > > > > .:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:._.:*~*:. ���������������������������������������������� ________________________________________________________________ The best thing to hit the internet in years - Juno SpeedBand! Surf the web up to FIVE TIMES FASTER! 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