-Caveat Lector-
Never let it be said that I didn't offer an "opposing" opinion with the
same eagerness as my own. :-)
Via Bobbie Felder of RP:
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
From: [EMAIL PROTECTED] (Glenn Campbell, Las Vegas)
This email is not spam, although it may look and smell like it. If you
don't want to be included in this mailing, it's too late, because you
have already received it.
As a former computer programmer, I've studied the Y2K problem for a
while now. I haven't said anything, because I know how much weight my
words carry, and I didn't want anyone to panic. Now, with the year 2000
just days away, I feel comfortable presenting my conclusions.
It's time to panic!
If you haven't done so already, you need to buy flashlight batteries,
lots of them. And bottled water. Lots of canned goods... plenty of warm
clothing. If you don't have a gun, you need to get one, ASAP, along with
an ample supply of ammunition. You should also cash out your bank
accounts and mutual funds and buy gold. Have you built your bomb shelter
yet? If not, get digging.
That's my advice if you plan to survive past New Years Day, but I
haven't done any of these things myself. I'm not afraid of Y2K. Do you
know why? Because I'm going to be raptured before it happens. God has
selected me and a few chosen others to live with Him in Heaven while the
rest of humanity burns. At the direction of God, I have just formed a
new religious group, and we want you to join us. We call ourselves "The
Survivors," and we intend to commit suicide just before midnight on
December 31, 1999.
To join us and be assigned your RESERVED SEAT IN HEAVEN, all you need to
do is renounce all earthly possessions -- and send them to me as soon as
possible. You can use this address:
Glenn Campbell
PO Box 30303
Las Vegas, NV 89173
Don't send any perishable foods or large furniture, just valuables that
can be sent through the mail. I accept electronic goods, jewelry,
computer equipment, small collectibles, negotiable financial
instruments, property deeds, and cash. If the lines at the post office
are too long due to the Christmas rush, then you'll have to wait in line
anyway, because this is urgent. I don't recommend holding out until
after Christmas, because that's cutting it too close.
TO ALLOW FOR PROPER PROCESSING OF YOUR APPLICATION, I MUST RECEIVE ALL OF
YOUR MARKETABLE PERSONAL ASSETS ON OR BEFORE THURSDAY, DECEMBER 30, 1999.
If you are not prepared to do this right now then you are not truly
committed to our cause, and you don't love me or God as much as you say you
do. I will take care of you, but you have to trust me. Sending me all of
your worldly goods is proof of your trust.
I know what you are saying: "This is insane! Why should I give all my
money and property to this stranger on the internet?" What, you may ask,
distinquishes me from any common charlatan or televangelist? The answer
is faith. You have to trust your heart, and you have to listen to what
God is telling you through your heart. Right now, God is telling you to
give me all your money. Don't you hear it?
Think of the children, the poor, innocent little children in tattered
clothes, looking up at you with their sad, pleading eyes that say,
"Can't you help?" While you are at it, think of little animals -- cute,
furry baby animals like kittens and puppies, so playful and loving, who
desperately need your care and support. Having seen these things in your
mind, don't you feel more like joining our group?
Now, imagine a big, mean man with rotten teeth and bad breath who likes
to STOMP ON PUPPIES. He's unbelievably cruel, hunting down and torturing
small animals and innocent little children whenever he can. That's what our
enemies are like. And we do have enemies, virtually everywhere,
always trying to deceive us. Our enemies don't want to you to see the
truth. They want you to think that Y2K is nothing but an arbitrary
change of calendar. They want to lull you into complacency so you won't
do the right thing.
Sending me your assets is a statement of support for all the cute,
furry, innocent things in the world. To do nothing is a vote for evil.
As Y2K approaches, you don't want to be supporting the Puppy Stompers. You
want to be taking a positive step toward change. Change is good. You can't
be afraid of it; you have to embrace it.
Before I go on, I want to assure you that it is okay to send me cash.
You don't have to insure the package or anything; just gather together
as much cash as you have (paper bills only), put it in an envelope,
write my address on the envelope, affix the proper postage and drop it
in any mailbox. You don't have to put a return address on the envelope,
because God knows who you are.
Here are some questions that might be asked by an intelligent,
perceptive, spiritually aware people like yourself....
Q: I really like the concept of your group, but I'm not so keen on
committing suicide. Do you have any options for people like me?
A: That's the unique beauty of being a member of The Survivors. You
don't have to commit suicide. It's a FREE WILL CHOICE. If you decide to
hang around to see what happens after December 31, that's just fine.
Living into the new year isn't as dramatic or satisfying as a
spectacular suicide at the stroke of midnight, but you won't be
penalized in any way should you forego this option. The important thing
is, you have a GUARANTEED RESERVATION IN HEAVEN FOR ETERNITY, starting
whenever you choose to use it -- provided, of course, you make the
necessary sacrifices here on earth.
Q: If I intend to live into the new year, why do I have to send you my
assets now?
A: Unfortunately, the December 30 deadline cannot be changed. It is the
word of God. I would really like to grant extensions, but I do not have
that power. You must understand, I am only a messenger. God and I may
have a very close working relationship, but he's still God, and what he
says, goes.
Q: Does the millennium really end on December 31, 1999, or is it
December 31, 2000, as the purists say?
A: It ends December 31, 1999. It's in the Bible somewhere, so there's no
arguing about it.
Q: Do you accept Visa and Mastercard? How about checks?
A: Unfortunately, I am not set up to accept credit cards at this time,
and checks are a big problem for me, since I have already closed my bank
accounts in preparation for the meltdown. But here's an idea: If you
have a credit card, you can go to one of many ATM machines in your
community and take out a cash advance. Be sure to take out the maximum
amount that your card and the machine will allow, and don't forget about
those unused credit cards hidden in your top dresser drawer. Then put
the cash in an envelope addressed to me, as described above. I know the
interest rate is high, but believe me, when Y2K hits, all of your debts
will be erased along with the rest of the world's computer files.
Q: Can I take my family with me?
A: Yes, family memberships are available. Every member of your family,
even your pets, is automatically included in this GUARANTEE OF ETERNAL
SALVATION, provided all of your family's assets are turned over to me
before the deadline. If your child has a piggy bank, now is the time to
break it. Remember to convert the change to paper bills, please, because
I don't have time to count all those pennies.
Q: What if Y2K comes and nothing bad happens?
A: As you know, the Bible can have a lot of different interpretations.
It has been translated and passed around for generations, and God's
intentions are sometimes obscured. I'm ALMOST POSITIVE that the critical
date is January 1, 2000, when all sorts of terrible stuff is set to
occur, but there is a slim possibility it might be January 1, 2001. In
either case, you are fully covered if you send me your assets now, even
if you have to wait a little longer for your reward.
Q: What kind of guarantees do you offer?
A: I'm glad you asked that. We are the only religious group that offers
a 100% MONEY-BACK GUARANTEE. If January 2, 2001, arrives and there is no
Armageddon, or if you get to Heaven and don't find a place reserved for
you, I will personally return to you all of the assets you have sent me,
with interest. Just send your claim, in writing, to the post office box
above.
Q: How can you give me a refund if you are going to be raptured
yourself?
A: Exactly. That's how much faith I have in these predictions.
Q: I still don't understand how sending you money will guarantee me a
place in Heaven. What is the connection?
A: I don't have an easy answer for that one. We're back, again, to the
essential question: What is faith? Faith is not something you do with
your head. It's in your heart. Maybe your brain is saying, "Don't do
it," but your brain isn't going to get you into Heaven. Sometimes, you
just have to close your eyes and jump. That's what faith is.
Q: What are you going to do with the assets I send you?
A. Nothing. Your assets will reach me only hours before the world
monetary system collapses. All of your money and property will be
worthless by then. The important thing is that you had to sacrifice what
is valuable to you. Remember: No pain, no gain. Relinquishing all of
your worldly possessions provides proof, to me and to God, that you are
ready to take the Next Step.
Q: You want my money, but you've given me no evidence whatsoever that
you can deliver on your promises. How can I trust you? How do I know you
are not a false prophet who is lying to me?
A: We can never forget about our enemies. Most of them are empowered by
Satan, even if they don't know it themselves. Our enemies can appear in
many different forms, and right now I am wondering if you could be one
of them. What reason do I have to trust YOU? You haven't shown me any of
your faith. All you have done is question and criticize. You are
beginning to look a lot like a Puppy Stomper, and I surely hope it isn't
so.
Q: Why should I join your group instead of someone else's?
I don't anger easily. Normally, I am a calm and saintly person, but you
are pushing it. If you don't believe as we do, or if you think this is
not the group for you, then leave. Just go. Better yet, get a gun and
shoot me. Yes, shoot me. GO AHEAD, DO IT! You want to play God, well
here's your chance. Frankly, I don't think you have the guts. I think
you are SCUM who doesn't have the COURAGE to make a COMMITMENT.
Look at me. I am sacrificing everything for you. You are my child, and I
will do everything in my power to protect you. All I ask is a little
appreciation. I want you to prove to me that you, too, can make
sacrifices. I want you to make me proud by demonstrating that you are
committed, that you are courageous, and that you are strong enough,
spiritually, to be one of the precious few who take the Next Step.
I think you know, now, what is the right thing to do. You have to trust
me and send me all your money because I am an angel sent by God, and He
and I are both rooting for you. God loves you, my dear misguided friend,
and He wants you to be happy forever. :)
(You may freely distribute this document, unaltered and including the
footer below, to anyone who might be sympathetic to our cause.)
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=================================================
WARNING! Stay OUT of America's cities on 1/1/2,000!!
Edward Britton ><+>
http://www.geocities.com/CapitolHill/5285/connector1.html
Reality Pump: http://www.onelist.com/subscribe.cgi/Reality_Pump2
=================================================
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