Nice piece Paul.
I am quite a nitpicker myself but I do disagree with Igor’s stylistic comments;
I think it flows well as is.
However, one quibble I have is that you and the Auto Alliance people are
talking about two different things (legislation vs. regulation) and I wish you
could have highlighted that. But that is a minor point that would be totally
lost on most people…
stan
> On Oct 27, 2017, at 9:56 PM, Paul Stenquist <pnstenqu...@mac.com> wrote:
>
> Hi Igor,
>
> The Auto Alliance point regarding how long it would take to equip the fleet
> is self refuting in that they said the same thing six years ago. More
> importantly, I get only 900 words, so I have to pick my battles.
>
> In regard to the paragraph breaks, the first is debatable but a split
> decision in my view and the editors. The Times philosophy says short graphs
> are better.
>
> The graphs toward the end of the story are mandated by an immutable Times
> style rule: every direct quote is a separate graph. That is written in stone,
> and it seems to have worked well for at least 50 years.
>
> Paul via phone
>
>> On Oct 27, 2017, at 9:38 PM, Igor PDML-StR <pdml...@komkon.org> wrote:
>>
>>
>> Interesting... I didn't know such a technology already exists. Nor I had
>> heard about the proposed regulation.
>>
>> Did NYT fire all their editors?
>> I was a bit confused by a few things (of which most are what the editor
>> should have noticed, such as #2 and #3):
>>
>> 1. Paul, I was expecting that you would refute this statement:
>> " And the proposed mandate for notification technology in cars misses the
>> targeted population, because so few parents of young children buy new cars.”
>> -- First, some parents of young children are forced to buy a new car once
>> the child is born, especially, if it is #3 and above. And even if most
>> parents buy used cars, it is obvious that all new cars will soon become used
>> (and eventually old).
>>
>> 2. There is a weird way how the text is broken into small paragraphs.
>> The most obvious is the paragraph starting with "General Motors and
>> Nissan..." is broken into two in the middle of the thought.
>>
>> The last three paragraphs also should have been one, me thinks.
>>
>> And "“The brain process is the same,” ...." should have been with the
>> previous paragraph.
>>
>>
>> 3. "One such system, the VitaSense, uses low-power radio to sense movement
>> and breathing."
>> I suspect the word "waves" is missing ("radio waves", not "radio").
>>
>> Sorry, I just couldn't help noticing these.
>>
>>
>> Igor
>>
>>
>>
>> ann sanfedele Fri, 27 Oct 2017 17:02:06 -0700 wrote:
>>
>> It is hard to imagine that this happens.. but it does too often :-(
>>
>>
>> https://www.nytimes.com/2017/10/26/automobiles/wheels/forgetting-a-child-in-a-back-seat-can-kill-cars-may-soon-warn-you.html
>>
>> ann
>>
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