Dear Shadab, Ithis is truly incredible. I do go to similar thought processes and always feel a little guilty to seek help.
Best Turab On 3/28/19, Shadab Husain <[email protected]> wrote: > Hi Friends, > > A few days ago, I got so concerned about taking help from people > around, that it clouded my thinking. Had it not been for the timely > help from Mr. Matt Bodner – a top podcaster and entrepreneur from > America – this warped reasoning would have curbed my work. > > I’m copying below my concern and his insightful and surprisingly > empathetic reply for your perusal. With his permission, I have also > mentioned all his eyewatering podcasts here. > > I’m sure that it would help many other visually impaired people > wriggle out of their mental shackles, especially if they too are > introverts. His insights on my question are as follows: > > Dear Matt, > > Firstly, I sincerely thank you for your podcasts. It will delight you > to know that I’m implementing some of the insights you convey and > improving myself. > > My question: I’m 100% blind, and often find myself asking for help > from others. Sometimes this injures my self-esteem because I feel it > humiliating to take favours. > > To water down my humiliation, I often feel that I repay my helper more > than needed, and even then I continue to feel a heaviness in my heart. > (Today only I paid a taxi driver more than double the sum I was > charged for, because he voluntarily offered his help to me, though I > initially denied to be helped.) > > I’m not so rich, and there’re many personal responsibilities to be > taken care of (my family has a greater right on my money.) I feel it > foolishness to surrender my money or services like this, and at the > same time, I don’t want to feel obligated to anyone for anything. > > Sorry for such a long description… > > I ultimately want to know that how can I measure the right value of > the favours I seek from others so that I can repay them back without > feeling mean or foolishly generous. Sorry, I know that I can’t repay > anyone who offers me help out of the true spirit of humanity, but > unfortunately there’re some people who help me and then look down upon > me. > > I request you to kindly spend a minute on this problem of mine and > please reply. Though if you think that this is a baseless or > you-irrelevant question, please overlook it. > > Yours gratefully, > > Shadab > > Matt’s Reply: > > Shadab - thanks so much for writing me. > > Wow - I am inspired - it's an amazing world that you are blind and yet > we can communicate via email!! Truly incredible. > > You know - you asked a very interesting question, but instead of > answering that I think there is a bigger issue here - which is that > you have to learn that it's OK to get help from others - there's no > shame in it at all. In fact, you're giving a gift by giving those > people an opportunity to help you. > > You're creating opportunities every day for other people to be kind > and helpful. There's a huge amount of psychology research about how > powerful kindness is. We actually did an interview on this which you > can listen to here: > https://www.successpodcast.com/show-notes/2016/12/22/how-one-simple-act-could-massively-transform-your-brain-chemistry-today-the-power-of-kindness-with-john-wang > > There's also an interesting phenomenon where you may be lessening the > effect of someone helping you because you're swapping the feel good > feeling of "being a good person" and tying it to some kind of > financial compensation. Dan Ariely writes about this in Predictably > Irrational, when you swap "social norms" for "economic norms" > sometimes you actually make people feel less good about helping you, > than if you didn't try to pay them at all. > > Everyone has their own challenges, and no one can do really anything > on their own. In fact, if you look at it from a big enough > perspective, the entire universe, including us, is one giant > interconnected whole - nothing is separate. We talk about that idea in > these two interviews: > > https://www.successpodcast.com/show-notes/2019/1/9/the-simple-20-minute-exercise-that-rewires-your-brain-for-happiness-with-dr-dan-siegel > > https://www.successpodcast.com/show-notes/2018/8/22/this-simple-idea-from-quantum-physics-could-change-your-life-with-mel-schwartz > > Most importantly - I think you're putting too much pressure on > yourself and expecting too much. I think you would really really > benefit from these two interviews about self compassion and self > sabotage. > https://www.successpodcast.com/show-notes/2016/11/30/uncover-the-root-of-your-pain-how-to-smash-perfectionism-love-yourself-and-live-a-richer-life-with-megan-bruneau > > > https://www.successpodcast.com/show-notes/2017/9/6/how-you-can-crush-self-sabotage-with-dr-gay-hendricks > > My challenge to you Shadab is to go one week and just be sincerely > grateful and thank people, and see what happens from there. Instead of > feeling bad when someone helps, feel thankful that the world is full > of wonderful people who are there and willing to do something for a > total stranger - it's truly magical when you think about it. > > Try for one week - instead of feeling bad or guilty about help from > others - realize you are giving a gift to them, and also just relish > the amazing gratitude of knowing that someone was there to help you - > and see what happens. No money required. If you like it, keep doing > it, if you don't then you can always go back to your existing habits > next week. > > Hope that's helpful to you Shadab =) > > -Matt > > > -- > http://husainjournal.blogspot.com/ > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > [email protected] > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > > Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
