Helping one another has always been an integral part of our rich culture. It is the hyper individualism of west in recent times which has warped our thinking. So, good that even westerners are realizing that the universe is a collective whole. Maybe, we again would imbibe the same ideas through west.
To give personal example, I have always felt that if I am walking with some sighted friend, she/he should instinctively hold my hand, and it is the best mode of mobility when together. I rather feel awkward when someone becomes self conscious while doing so. I know there are those among us who feel just the reverse. But giving help as well as receiving it should not be looked down upon, rather it enriches our human existence. -----Original Message----- From: AccessIndia [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Shadab Husain Sent: 28 March 2019 10:02 To: accessindia Subject: [AI] Feel humiliated to take help from sighted folks? This will change you probably forever Hi Friends, A few days ago, I got so concerned about taking help from people around, that it clouded my thinking. Had it not been for the timely help from Mr. Matt Bodner – a top podcaster and entrepreneur from America – this warped reasoning would have curbed my work. I’m copying below my concern and his insightful and surprisingly empathetic reply for your perusal. With his permission, I have also mentioned all his eyewatering podcasts here. I’m sure that it would help many other visually impaired people wriggle out of their mental shackles, especially if they too are introverts. His insights on my question are as follows: Dear Matt, Firstly, I sincerely thank you for your podcasts. It will delight you to know that I’m implementing some of the insights you convey and improving myself. My question: I’m 100% blind, and often find myself asking for help from others. Sometimes this injures my self-esteem because I feel it humiliating to take favours. To water down my humiliation, I often feel that I repay my helper more than needed, and even then I continue to feel a heaviness in my heart. (Today only I paid a taxi driver more than double the sum I was charged for, because he voluntarily offered his help to me, though I initially denied to be helped.) I’m not so rich, and there’re many personal responsibilities to be taken care of (my family has a greater right on my money.) I feel it foolishness to surrender my money or services like this, and at the same time, I don’t want to feel obligated to anyone for anything. Sorry for such a long description… I ultimately want to know that how can I measure the right value of the favours I seek from others so that I can repay them back without feeling mean or foolishly generous. Sorry, I know that I can’t repay anyone who offers me help out of the true spirit of humanity, but unfortunately there’re some people who help me and then look down upon me. I request you to kindly spend a minute on this problem of mine and please reply. Though if you think that this is a baseless or you-irrelevant question, please overlook it. Yours gratefully, Shadab Matt’s Reply: Shadab - thanks so much for writing me. Wow - I am inspired - it's an amazing world that you are blind and yet we can communicate via email!! Truly incredible. You know - you asked a very interesting question, but instead of answering that I think there is a bigger issue here - which is that you have to learn that it's OK to get help from others - there's no shame in it at all. In fact, you're giving a gift by giving those people an opportunity to help you. You're creating opportunities every day for other people to be kind and helpful. There's a huge amount of psychology research about how powerful kindness is. We actually did an interview on this which you can listen to here: https://www.successpodcast.noclick_com/show-notes/2016/12/22/how-one-simple-act-could-massively-transform-your-brain-chemistry-today-the-power-of-kindness-with-john-wang There's also an interesting phenomenon where you may be lessening the effect of someone helping you because you're swapping the feel good feeling of "being a good person" and tying it to some kind of financial compensation. Dan Ariely writes about this in Predictably Irrational, when you swap "social norms" for "economic norms" sometimes you actually make people feel less good about helping you, than if you didn't try to pay them at all. Everyone has their own challenges, and no one can do really anything on their own. In fact, if you look at it from a big enough perspective, the entire universe, including us, is one giant interconnected whole - nothing is separate. We talk about that idea in these two interviews: https://www.successpodcast.noclick_com/show-notes/2019/1/9/the-simple-20-minute-exercise-that-rewires-your-brain-for-happiness-with-dr-dan-siegel https://www.successpodcast.noclick_com/show-notes/2018/8/22/this-simple-idea-from-quantum-physics-could-change-your-life-with-mel-schwartz Most importantly - I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself and expecting too much. I think you would really really benefit from these two interviews about self compassion and self sabotage. https://www.successpodcast.noclick_com/show-notes/2016/11/30/uncover-the-root-of-your-pain-how-to-smash-perfectionism-love-yourself-and-live-a-richer-life-with-megan-bruneau https://www.successpodcast.noclick_com/show-notes/2017/9/6/how-you-can-crush-self-sabotage-with-dr-gay-hendricks My challenge to you Shadab is to go one week and just be sincerely grateful and thank people, and see what happens from there. Instead of feeling bad when someone helps, feel thankful that the world is full of wonderful people who are there and willing to do something for a total stranger - it's truly magical when you think about it. Try for one week - instead of feeling bad or guilty about help from others - realize you are giving a gift to them, and also just relish the amazing gratitude of knowing that someone was there to help you - and see what happens. No money required. If you like it, keep doing it, if you don't then you can always go back to your existing habits next week. Hope that's helpful to you Shadab =) -Matt -- http://husainjournal.blogspot.noclick_com/ Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.noclick_com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. 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