I agree with you.
Being self-dependent is a diffrent than seeking support of others. Even some
time help by others make you independent.
It is not correct to include blindness and our self-esteem in every aspect
of life.
In current fast changing scenario One sighted also asks for help of other
sighted people. Even many sighted people also seek help of a blind person,
so what to say.
No human on this Earth can survive without the help of each other.
Considering the matter of self-esteem everywhere is more like a self-ego and
it would make a person isolated from the society.
Thanks,
Amit Bhatt
----- Original Message -----
From: "Asudani, Rajesh" <[email protected]>
To: "AccessIndia: a list for discussing accessibility and issues concerning
the disabled." <[email protected]>
Sent: Thursday, March 28, 2019 10:31 AM
Subject: Re: [AI] Feel humiliated to take help from sighted folks? This will
change you probably forever
Helping one another has always been an integral part of our rich culture.
It is the hyper individualism of west in recent times which has warped our
thinking.
So, good that even westerners are realizing that the universe is a
collective whole.
Maybe, we again would imbibe the same ideas through west.
To give personal example, I have always felt that if I am walking with
some sighted friend, she/he should instinctively hold my hand, and it is
the best mode of mobility when together.
I rather feel awkward when someone becomes self conscious while doing so.
I know there are those among us who feel just the reverse.
But giving help as well as receiving it should not be looked down upon,
rather it enriches our human existence.
-----Original Message-----
From: AccessIndia [mailto:[email protected]] On
Behalf Of Shadab Husain
Sent: 28 March 2019 10:02
To: accessindia
Subject: [AI] Feel humiliated to take help from sighted folks? This will
change you probably forever
Hi Friends,
A few days ago, I got so concerned about taking help from people around,
that it clouded my thinking. Had it not been for the timely help from Mr.
Matt Bodner – a top podcaster and entrepreneur from America – this warped
reasoning would have curbed my work.
I’m copying below my concern and his insightful and surprisingly
empathetic reply for your perusal. With his permission, I have also
mentioned all his eyewatering podcasts here.
I’m sure that it would help many other visually impaired people wriggle
out of their mental shackles, especially if they too are introverts. His
insights on my question are as follows:
Dear Matt,
Firstly, I sincerely thank you for your podcasts. It will delight you to
know that I’m implementing some of the insights you convey and improving
myself.
My question: I’m 100% blind, and often find myself asking for help from
others. Sometimes this injures my self-esteem because I feel it
humiliating to take favours.
To water down my humiliation, I often feel that I repay my helper more
than needed, and even then I continue to feel a heaviness in my heart.
(Today only I paid a taxi driver more than double the sum I was charged
for, because he voluntarily offered his help to me, though I initially
denied to be helped.)
I’m not so rich, and there’re many personal responsibilities to be taken
care of (my family has a greater right on my money.) I feel it foolishness
to surrender my money or services like this, and at the same time, I don’t
want to feel obligated to anyone for anything.
Sorry for such a long description…
I ultimately want to know that how can I measure the right value of the
favours I seek from others so that I can repay them back without feeling
mean or foolishly generous. Sorry, I know that I can’t repay anyone who
offers me help out of the true spirit of humanity, but unfortunately there’re
some people who help me and then look down upon me.
I request you to kindly spend a minute on this problem of mine and please
reply. Though if you think that this is a baseless or you-irrelevant
question, please overlook it.
Yours gratefully,
Shadab
Matt’s Reply:
Shadab - thanks so much for writing me.
Wow - I am inspired - it's an amazing world that you are blind and yet we
can communicate via email!! Truly incredible.
You know - you asked a very interesting question, but instead of answering
that I think there is a bigger issue here - which is that you have to
learn that it's OK to get help from others - there's no shame in it at
all. In fact, you're giving a gift by giving those people an opportunity
to help you.
You're creating opportunities every day for other people to be kind and
helpful. There's a huge amount of psychology research about how powerful
kindness is. We actually did an interview on this which you can listen to
here:
https://www.successpodcast.noclick_com/show-notes/2016/12/22/how-one-simple-act-could-massively-transform-your-brain-chemistry-today-the-power-of-kindness-with-john-wang
There's also an interesting phenomenon where you may be lessening the
effect of someone helping you because you're swapping the feel good
feeling of "being a good person" and tying it to some kind of financial
compensation. Dan Ariely writes about this in Predictably Irrational, when
you swap "social norms" for "economic norms"
sometimes you actually make people feel less good about helping you, than
if you didn't try to pay them at all.
Everyone has their own challenges, and no one can do really anything on
their own. In fact, if you look at it from a big enough perspective, the
entire universe, including us, is one giant interconnected whole - nothing
is separate. We talk about that idea in these two interviews:
https://www.successpodcast.noclick_com/show-notes/2019/1/9/the-simple-20-minute-exercise-that-rewires-your-brain-for-happiness-with-dr-dan-siegel
https://www.successpodcast.noclick_com/show-notes/2018/8/22/this-simple-idea-from-quantum-physics-could-change-your-life-with-mel-schwartz
Most importantly - I think you're putting too much pressure on yourself
and expecting too much. I think you would really really benefit from these
two interviews about self compassion and self sabotage.
https://www.successpodcast.noclick_com/show-notes/2016/11/30/uncover-the-root-of-your-pain-how-to-smash-perfectionism-love-yourself-and-live-a-richer-life-with-megan-bruneau
https://www.successpodcast.noclick_com/show-notes/2017/9/6/how-you-can-crush-self-sabotage-with-dr-gay-hendricks
My challenge to you Shadab is to go one week and just be sincerely
grateful and thank people, and see what happens from there. Instead of
feeling bad when someone helps, feel thankful that the world is full of
wonderful people who are there and willing to do something for a total
stranger - it's truly magical when you think about it.
Try for one week - instead of feeling bad or guilty about help from
others - realize you are giving a gift to them, and also just relish the
amazing gratitude of knowing that someone was there to help you - and see
what happens. No money required. If you like it, keep doing it, if you
don't then you can always go back to your existing habits next week.
Hope that's helpful to you Shadab =)
-Matt
--
http://husainjournal.blogspot.noclick_com/
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