Congrats subramani for exploring this topic!
I will get back to you off the list with answers within a couple of days.
I think, if honesty is the best policy, then the questionnaire will surely
reveal some hitherto unadmitted truths.
Regards
"Perhaps our role on this planet is not to worship God-- but to create Him."
--Arthur C. Clarke
(Rajesh Asudani)
Assistant General Manager,
Reserve Bank of India
Nagpur
09420397185
O: 0712 2806676
Res: 0712 2591349
-----Original Message-----
From: accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in
[mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of Subramani L
Sent: Thursday, March 18, 2010 9:30 PM
To: accessindia@accessindia.org.in
Subject: [AI] Questionnaire for blind/low vision/persons with degenerative eye
ccondition who are men and are married to able-bodied women
Folks:
Most of us read a lot of romantic literature (in the context of men-women
relationship) and either dismiss it as idealistic and far removed from reality
or expect it to happen in real life. After having read a lot of such fiction
myself (especially in recent times), I wanted to understand how romance is
working for disabled persons who are married to able-bodied spouses. Though in
fiction the male personality is often portrayed as good looking, fair, lean
bodied, loving and generous to marry a disabled woman, that could be quite
different in real life. To our chagrin, we the blind men realise that we are
quite opposite of those fictional heroes (forgive me for my bluntness) and have
a disability to boot. This gave rise to an idea for an article which I have
been thinking over for some time. The following questionnaire is the result of
my effort to collect information for the article. I would lideally expect men
who are over 30 and have been married for more than five years and their wives
to answer the questionnaire, though I would admit answers from anyone who
doesn't fit into this category but have something interesting to share. Forgive
me for spelling errors since I have some restrictins in typing and have taken
more than 45 minutes to type this. Your thoughts, answers, feedbacks,
experiences and even debates (possibly off the list) are welcomed. Looking
forward to hearing interesting things from men who have gone through the
experience often described in Indian society as "sagar".
THe Questions follow:
When did you get married?
What is your wife's name?
Is it an arranged marriage?
How did you handle the blindness/low vision or retinal issue and how was it
accepted/appreciated by the bride's family?
What was the attitude of the bride's family to you? Did they treat you well?
What was your wife's reaction when you explained to her about the possible
limitations you may have due to RP? (one thing that comes to mind is how unlike
we all are when it comes to a typical bridegroom who can take his bride on a
bike ride or communicate with her through eye contact)
What was her expectations of you when you tried explaining the limitations to
her?
What was your own emotional state when your disability keeps reminding you what
you can't do? Does your wife help you overcome the emotional issues of your
disability particularly vis-à-vis the marriage?
Do you believe in the reality of romance? Give any real life examplewhere you
actually felt it?
How do you handle differences with your wife? How do you counter when your
disability becomes (or portrayed as) an issue?
This may be a philosophical question... What is your understanding/experience
of happiness in married life? Do you think you are complete after having
married a woman and successfully leading your life?
(The following sets of questions must be answered by your wife)
What was the main reason in your choice to marry your husband: is it family
compulsion or as a result of sympathy you felt for him, or admirationof his
personality/accomplishments or a feeling of love?
Is your decision inspired by women in your family or friends circle who had
married disabled persons?
How do you explain your husband's disability to a stranger who perhaps cannot
understand the chemistry between you and him?
Do you support your husband when he expresses his limitations within the
relationship or talks about his inability to perform or do certain things that
somewhat differentiate him from other able-bodied men?
What do you tell yourself or your child/children, when you/they observe an able
bodied person performing things like driving a car or playing with his child in
the beach or going on a giant wheel, which, on account of his disability your
husband can't do?
Do you experience love in marriage? Is there any incident that made you feel
love or happiness in marriage?
Do you feel your understanding or experience of marriage could have been
different if you were married to an able-bodied person?
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