But I think unfortunetly, it's a reality. Accept or not, But according to my
view, it's very easy to cheet a VI person.
Further, I also think that most of the time, the sighted partner thinks that
"chalo isko cheet karna hamaray liye bohot hi aasan mamla hai. hum insay
shadi karangay aur hum puranay relation me atakay rahay to isko kya pata
chalega?".
----- Original Message -----
From: "Dr Jalaja" <jalajakumar...@gmail.com>
To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 8:10 PM
Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage
I can't agree with you fully. Cheating happens even if both are sighted. It
is a matter of mutual trust in relations, and if the trust is not there we
can't lead a normal married life.
Regards----Jalaja
----- Original Message -----
From: "BHAWANI SHANKAR VERMA" <bsvermad...@gmail.com>
To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 7:41 AM
Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage
in most of the cases a blind partner have been cheated by their sighted
partners. whether is male or female.
----- Original Message -----
From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <patil_ro...@dataone.in>
To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 11:03 PM
Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage
I think what you say regarding mobility and eye contact, is equally true in
the contest of VI women also. Don't you think so?
----- Original Message -----
From: "ekinath ekinath" <ekin...@gmail.com>
To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
Cc: "B. R. Nautial" <brnaut...@gmail.com>
Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 10:55 PM
Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage
I am struck!
Let me start with congratulating Shadab, lucky indeed both the spouses.
Can’t believe in a co-incidence of this topic just propping up like
that. Just before opening my mail I was going through these thoughts.
Well, I had couple of playful and couple of serous relations, but guys
its time I think that I hang my heart to hooks.
I am convinced that however of a hero you are. If u r blind and
marrying a sighted girl, you wont be able to give her normal yes
normal life.
I think, normal mobility and eye contacts really matter and
unfortunately we are helpless here. No technology, no training can
compensate.
Well, I assume that probably, life for VI woman would be better in
relationships as girls don’t pick up their partners, and again
normally the lead is usually a male in terms of driving, outing etc.
I painfully imagine fathering an active kid which whom I can’t run,
play or even show him the way.
Therefore, think best thing is to seek pleasure in others happiness by
doing little good that u can.
But you got to go on, so i am. Hopes of substituting love with love
from my friends, family and kith kins.
Note: My thoughts are just my personal views involving emotions.
Apologise if I have invoked negative feelings in someone.
On 12/10/11, Anirban Mukherjee <sparsha.anir...@gmail.com> wrote:
Dear Shadab bhai,
you have raised an issue which is a thing of my present life. i got a
job at the age of 21 years and it was a farely good job and of a
farely good salary in spite of my visual disability. i am visually
disabled from my birth, in my college days, i met a girl who was
junior to me by 1 year. she was interested in me but could not totally
go for the relationship due to uncertainty of our future. but 3 months
after my getting the job, she herself proposed me. we were deeply
engaged. many a night i spent with her by talking over phone. it's me
who inspired her to aspire for a job. she got one 2 years later. but
when talks of her marriage began in her family, she disclosed our
affair. but as soon as she was opposed emotionally and in all other
ways, she started fumbling and a month after the disclosure, she
called it quits with me. the reason she sighted was my visual
disability. (my fingers stumbling as i type)
she left me emotionally bancrupt. now, a few months later my parents
are searching a bride for me but i've been refused from all quarters
as soon as my disability was intimated, in spite of that i believe the
disability should be clearly disclosed. anyway, now the attitude of my
parents is to settle for whosoever agrees to accept me disregarding
all or most of my aspirations.
but still i sincerely believe that there is always a light at the end
of the tunnel. hope the light of my life would emerge from one such
end of the tunnel. otherwise, the quest for freedom and light would
continue in all possible ways. hope you will have a splendid married
life.
sorry for a longish mail.
with warm regards, Anirban Mukherjee, mobile: 09433305139
On 12/10/11, B. R. Nautial <brnaut...@gmail.com> wrote:
oh! this is the part of life, no need to disappoint. Since beginning, the
ladies are struggling for their rights and equality not only in India but
also in all the developed nations too and it can't be change in one
night.
This is equally true that the situation is more critical for the blind
women.
With Regards
B. R. Nautial
- Original Message -----
From: "Sushmeetha" <sushmee...@voicevision.in>
To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in>
Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 7:41 PM
Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage
Its easy for a guy to disclose & still get a wife, but its not possible
for
a lady to get a husband.
As whatever we have achieved or however modernised we are, a man still
looks
his wife to be a good house wife only.
Still my personal view is to disclose in the beginning & get rejected,
than
disclosing later and getting divorced.
Regards
Sushmeetha
-----Original Message-----
From: accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in
[mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of Shadab
Husain
Sent: 10 December 2011 16:03
To: accessindia; unitee-education-c...@googlegroups.com
Subject: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage
Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage
There was a time when my mother and sister were searching a bride for
me. I had insisted to have my visual 'disability' (as others call it)
be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest and willingness
in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis Pigmentosa-caused
blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the issue further
or politely tendered their refusals.
My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and they found it
difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for the fear that I
will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty or shameful
act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no reason to get
disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were interested in me until
my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. I have not
caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond my control,
then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess that sometimes I
used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end of the tunnel.
We had a very old friendship with a family. They used to frequent us
often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my marriage proposal to
them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed wife merrily
telling us "What is the use of asking? My daughter is yours, we know
your son, he is our child, everything is settled."
Both the families came in the mood to have a great celebration.
Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be so divine that
we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, are loving and
blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was that we had
visited each other so much that it was clear that they know about my
blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had helped her
often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. But they just did
not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk about that issue
again as if it was hurting them.
Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I felt some
uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because I did not want
to take chances.
We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not taking my sight
problem seriously because they were thinking that I have enough sight
to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I work on
computers and move around the city and out of the city independently
(at the time these talks were taking place I was out of station). But
the astonishing thing was that they could not realise that in the
course of time I have become blind.
I told her mother point-blank: "I can only see light. I am looking
towards your face because of your voice. I use screen reading
technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when I walk alone. I
cannot see."
She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she was broken.
(Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands were shaking at
that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already known about
the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and disinclined.
Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have reacted in a
similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My marriage date was
to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that they were
unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the game was over.
But I was wrong.
Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the
girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started showering
praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully sympathetic tone,
though I had not needed it. Apologising from her expressions and tone,
she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry me. I was
thankful because if this condition had disclosed after marriage, I
would have been in great trouble.
At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and called it 'In the
name of my cancelled marriage'! It was meant to truly celebrate life;
it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which bottles are
uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the main character
ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. Thankfully, we
really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite separated, we
made a lot of noise until the early hours of the morning.
Days passed. Wham! The mother of the girl-who-could-be-my-wife told
us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply moved by that
honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had cried and
prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become blind. Her family
members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl was willing to
marry me. It was a U-turn!
Can you even guess what happened after that? Celebrations, excitement,
religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the sort.
I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. (Though I always beg
for God's mercy and crave for prayers of His creations.) I had earlier
told my sister that they have the right to reject me, but acceptance
after rejection will not affect me.
I remained a bachelor.
I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I found many
people (including two blind men) who were very sufficiently leading a
lonesome life and asked myself: "If they can do it, why cannot I?"
Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. Loneliness humbles you,
brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to be happy in
need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be independent of all
except God.
I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only tried to be
practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my family members
not to search a bride for me because "I want to live alone." Besides,
I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be happy in an
unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly prolong or
embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth our good
qualities, but this does not mean that we don't take steps to
eliminate it.
I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about the future. I
pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) and tried not to
miss a chance to improve myself.
Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I was introduced
to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each and everything
about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess what....that
girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife!
-----
Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj
Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English literature, and
has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well as a
personality development course. He also writes a blog on personality
development and improving English. To visit his blog, click
PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com.
http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html
--
Develop your personality and English at
http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/
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