Just a curious question - being a visually impaired, how does one round the fire for seven times?
No offense Thanks On 12/13/11, akhilesh <[email protected]> wrote: > Hello, > > I'm quoting the mail below and later I will answer and clarify the > point that I made in my mail. > It was from Mr. Bhavani shankar in reply of my mail. > ========== > how do a person can perform love marrige. one should fall in love > first. it desires a big fortune! if you have done so, you are luckey > enough. smiles! > ========== > > Bhavani ji, > A love marriage can not be performed without falling in love. > > I don't know about your location and locality so I would not comment > on the possibilities of falling in love with someone, but in our city > of Delhi the possibilities and opportunities of falling in love with > someone are quite high. > I think that I don't agree with you when you say that it is a matter > of fortune . > I don't want to be fortunet in this field as of now, but yeah in > future, yeah I would want to be, and I will be. > > With regards, > Akhilesh Kumar Dahiya, > Advocate. > Mobile: +91 9210616426 > New Delhi. > > > On 12/12/11, Rohiet A. Patil <[email protected]> wrote: >> Bhavani jee, I want to draw your attention to a very strange but true >> issue. >> As you say, one should keep sighted partner as a last option, but most of >> the time our parents keep them on a top priority because of many many >> misunderstandings. In this case, it's very hard to convince them. My point >> is, can we say that they are responsible for any future mishaps if happens >> unfortunetly? I have a strong opinian that in many cases, they are >> responsible for spoiling our life completely. Because they are having a >> egoistic aproach that "humay sub samazta hai. hum tumhara nuksan nahi >> karnay >> jaa rahay hai." Or something like this. >> ----- Original Message ----- >> From: "BHAWANI SHANKAR VERMA" <[email protected]> >> To: <[email protected]> >> Sent: Monday, December 12, 2011 7:31 AM >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> >> you are absolutely right! >> i did not say that one should not go for sighted partner, but, preferably >> don't go for sighted partner. keep it as the last option. >> >> >> ----- Original Message ----- >> From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <[email protected]> >> To: <[email protected]> >> Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 8:45 PM >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> >> But I think unfortunetly, it's a reality. Accept or not, But according to >> my >> view, it's very easy to cheet a VI person. >> Further, I also think that most of the time, the sighted partner thinks >> that >> "chalo isko cheet karna hamaray liye bohot hi aasan mamla hai. hum insay >> shadi karangay aur hum puranay relation me atakay rahay to isko kya pata >> chalega?". >> ----- Original Message ----- >> From: "Dr Jalaja" <[email protected]> >> To: <[email protected]> >> Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 8:10 PM >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> >> I can't agree with you fully. Cheating happens even if both are sighted. >> It >> is a matter of mutual trust in relations, and if the trust is not there we >> can't lead a normal married life. >> Regards----Jalaja >> ----- Original Message ----- >> From: "BHAWANI SHANKAR VERMA" <[email protected]> >> To: <[email protected]> >> Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 7:41 AM >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> >> in most of the cases a blind partner have been cheated by their sighted >> partners. whether is male or female. >> >> ----- Original Message ----- >> From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <[email protected]> >> To: <[email protected]> >> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 11:03 PM >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> >> I think what you say regarding mobility and eye contact, is equally true >> in >> the contest of VI women also. Don't you think so? >> ----- Original Message ----- >> From: "ekinath ekinath" <[email protected]> >> To: <[email protected]> >> Cc: "B. R. Nautial" <[email protected]> >> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 10:55 PM >> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >> >> >> I am struck! >> Let me start with congratulating Shadab, lucky indeed both the spouses. >> >> Can’t believe in a co-incidence of this topic just propping up like >> that. Just before opening my mail I was going through these thoughts. >> Well, I had couple of playful and couple of serous relations, but guys >> its time I think that I hang my heart to hooks. >> >> I am convinced that however of a hero you are. If u r blind and >> marrying a sighted girl, you wont be able to give her normal yes >> normal life. >> >> I think, normal mobility and eye contacts really matter and >> unfortunately we are helpless here. No technology, no training can >> compensate. >> >> Well, I assume that probably, life for VI woman would be better in >> relationships as girls don’t pick up their partners, and again >> normally the lead is usually a male in terms of driving, outing etc. >> >> I painfully imagine fathering an active kid which whom I can’t run, >> play or even show him the way. >> >> Therefore, think best thing is to seek pleasure in others happiness by >> doing little good that u can. >> >> But you got to go on, so i am. Hopes of substituting love with love >> from my friends, family and kith kins. >> >> Note: My thoughts are just my personal views involving emotions. >> Apologise if I have invoked negative feelings in someone. >> >> >> >> >> >> On 12/10/11, Anirban Mukherjee <[email protected]> wrote: >>> Dear Shadab bhai, >>> >>> you have raised an issue which is a thing of my present life. i got a >>> job at the age of 21 years and it was a farely good job and of a >>> farely good salary in spite of my visual disability. i am visually >>> disabled from my birth, in my college days, i met a girl who was >>> junior to me by 1 year. she was interested in me but could not totally >>> go for the relationship due to uncertainty of our future. but 3 months >>> after my getting the job, she herself proposed me. we were deeply >>> engaged. many a night i spent with her by talking over phone. it's me >>> who inspired her to aspire for a job. she got one 2 years later. but >>> when talks of her marriage began in her family, she disclosed our >>> affair. but as soon as she was opposed emotionally and in all other >>> ways, she started fumbling and a month after the disclosure, she >>> called it quits with me. the reason she sighted was my visual >>> disability. (my fingers stumbling as i type) >>> >>> she left me emotionally bancrupt. now, a few months later my parents >>> are searching a bride for me but i've been refused from all quarters >>> as soon as my disability was intimated, in spite of that i believe the >>> disability should be clearly disclosed. anyway, now the attitude of my >>> parents is to settle for whosoever agrees to accept me disregarding >>> all or most of my aspirations. >>> >>> but still i sincerely believe that there is always a light at the end >>> of the tunnel. hope the light of my life would emerge from one such >>> end of the tunnel. otherwise, the quest for freedom and light would >>> continue in all possible ways. hope you will have a splendid married >>> life. >>> >>> sorry for a longish mail. >>> >>> with warm regards, Anirban Mukherjee, mobile: 09433305139 >>> >>> On 12/10/11, B. R. Nautial <[email protected]> wrote: >>>> oh! this is the part of life, no need to disappoint. Since beginning, >>>> the >>>> ladies are struggling for their rights and equality not only in India >>>> but >>>> also in all the developed nations too and it can't be change in one >>>> night. >>>> This is equally true that the situation is more critical for the blind >>>> women. >>>> With Regards >>>> B. R. Nautial >>>> - Original Message ----- >>>> From: "Sushmeetha" <[email protected]> >>>> To: <[email protected]> >>>> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 7:41 PM >>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>> >>>> >>>>> Its easy for a guy to disclose & still get a wife, but its not possible >>>>> for >>>>> a lady to get a husband. >>>>> >>>>> As whatever we have achieved or however modernised we are, a man still >>>>> looks >>>>> his wife to be a good house wife only. >>>>> >>>>> Still my personal view is to disclose in the beginning & get rejected, >>>>> than >>>>> disclosing later and getting divorced. >>>>> >>>>> Regards >>>>> Sushmeetha >>>>> -----Original Message----- >>>>> From: [email protected] >>>>> [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Shadab >>>>> Husain >>>>> Sent: 10 December 2011 16:03 >>>>> To: accessindia; [email protected] >>>>> Subject: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>>> >>>>> Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>>> There was a time when my mother and sister were searching a bride for >>>>> me. I had insisted to have my visual 'disability' (as others call it) >>>>> be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest and willingness >>>>> in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis Pigmentosa-caused >>>>> blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the issue further >>>>> or politely tendered their refusals. >>>>> >>>>> My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and they found it >>>>> difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for the fear that I >>>>> will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty or shameful >>>>> act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no reason to get >>>>> disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were interested in me until >>>>> my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. I have not >>>>> caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond my control, >>>>> then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess that sometimes I >>>>> used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. >>>>> >>>>> We had a very old friendship with a family. They used to frequent us >>>>> often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my marriage proposal to >>>>> them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed wife merrily >>>>> telling us "What is the use of asking? My daughter is yours, we know >>>>> your son, he is our child, everything is settled." >>>>> >>>>> Both the families came in the mood to have a great celebration. >>>>> Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be so divine that >>>>> we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, are loving and >>>>> blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was that we had >>>>> visited each other so much that it was clear that they know about my >>>>> blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had helped her >>>>> often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. But they just did >>>>> not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk about that issue >>>>> again as if it was hurting them. >>>>> >>>>> Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I felt some >>>>> uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because I did not want >>>>> to take chances. >>>>> >>>>> We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not taking my sight >>>>> problem seriously because they were thinking that I have enough sight >>>>> to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I work on >>>>> computers and move around the city and out of the city independently >>>>> (at the time these talks were taking place I was out of station). But >>>>> the astonishing thing was that they could not realise that in the >>>>> course of time I have become blind. >>>>> >>>>> I told her mother point-blank: "I can only see light. I am looking >>>>> towards your face because of your voice. I use screen reading >>>>> technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when I walk alone. I >>>>> cannot see." >>>>> >>>>> She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she was broken. >>>>> (Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands were shaking at >>>>> that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already known about >>>>> the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and disinclined. >>>>> >>>>> Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have reacted in a >>>>> similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My marriage date was >>>>> to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that they were >>>>> unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the game was over. >>>>> >>>>> But I was wrong. >>>>> >>>>> Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the >>>>> girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started showering >>>>> praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully sympathetic tone, >>>>> though I had not needed it. Apologising from her expressions and tone, >>>>> she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry me. I was >>>>> thankful because if this condition had disclosed after marriage, I >>>>> would have been in great trouble. >>>>> >>>>> At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and called it 'In the >>>>> name of my cancelled marriage'! It was meant to truly celebrate life; >>>>> it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which bottles are >>>>> uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the main character >>>>> ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. Thankfully, we >>>>> really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite separated, we >>>>> made a lot of noise until the early hours of the morning. >>>>> >>>>> Days passed. Wham! The mother of the girl-who-could-be-my-wife told >>>>> us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply moved by that >>>>> honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had cried and >>>>> prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become blind. Her family >>>>> members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl was willing to >>>>> marry me. It was a U-turn! >>>>> >>>>> Can you even guess what happened after that? Celebrations, excitement, >>>>> religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the sort. >>>>> >>>>> I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. (Though I always beg >>>>> for God's mercy and crave for prayers of His creations.) I had earlier >>>>> told my sister that they have the right to reject me, but acceptance >>>>> after rejection will not affect me. >>>>> >>>>> I remained a bachelor. >>>>> >>>>> I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I found many >>>>> people (including two blind men) who were very sufficiently leading a >>>>> lonesome life and asked myself: "If they can do it, why cannot I?" >>>>> >>>>> Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. Loneliness humbles you, >>>>> brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to be happy in >>>>> need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be independent of all >>>>> except God. >>>>> >>>>> I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only tried to be >>>>> practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my family members >>>>> not to search a bride for me because "I want to live alone." Besides, >>>>> I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be happy in an >>>>> unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly prolong or >>>>> embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth our good >>>>> qualities, but this does not mean that we don't take steps to >>>>> eliminate it. >>>>> >>>>> I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about the future. I >>>>> pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) and tried not to >>>>> miss a chance to improve myself. >>>>> >>>>> Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I was introduced >>>>> to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each and everything >>>>> about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess what....that >>>>> girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife! >>>>> >>>>> ----- >>>>> Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj >>>>> Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English literature, and >>>>> has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well as a >>>>> personality development course. He also writes a blog on personality >>>>> development and improving English. To visit his blog, click >>>>> PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com. >>>>> >>>>> http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html >>>>> >>>>> -- >>>>> Develop your personality and English at >>>>> http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>>> >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>> [email protected] >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>> >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>> please >>>>> visit the list home page at >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> -------------------------------------- >>>>> Ascent Networks Pvt Ltd, Mumbai, India >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>>> >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>> [email protected] >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>> >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>> please visit the list home page at >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> [email protected] >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>> >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>> please >>>> visit the list home page at >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> [email protected] >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >> >> >> -- >> “The waves breaking on the surface draw all the attention, >> but it is the current beneath the water that determines your direction.” >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > [email protected] > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > -- -.-.-.-Faint heart never won fair lady_._._._._ Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
