Hi shadab bhai your hunger for praises can be fulfilled because I prais a ton times the aproach that you have towards your life I am totally agree with Rohiet I know that I am quite young for all these things but from my parent's way of talking to me I can clearly make an impression about what they think for my marage in adition to the of my parents thoughts to marrie a so called normal girl " in their openion I don't think so" I will also have to convince my elder siblings because I am youngest in my family but now a days I don't think that much about this matter because My studies and carrior are the 1st prayority for me because I think this marriage and all that stuff can only be successful if a person has a nice source of earning that's the reality of our so called practicle life no relationship can sustain for long without money I want to say sorry if I have herted somebody's feelings regards
On 12/13/11, Subramani L <[email protected]> wrote: > Not only can we come around the fire, but also bend down to hold the > bride's big toe while holding her hand with one of our own and direct > her leg towards a solid granite grinder as custom would demand. Dont > ask me how. I know it is possible. > > Subbu > > On 12/13/11, syed imran <[email protected]> wrote: >> Just a curious question - being a visually impaired, how does one >> round the fire for seven times? >> >> No offense >> >> Thanks >> >> On 12/13/11, akhilesh <[email protected]> wrote: >>> Hello, >>> >>> I'm quoting the mail below and later I will answer and clarify the >>> point that I made in my mail. >>> It was from Mr. Bhavani shankar in reply of my mail. >>> ========== >>> how do a person can perform love marrige. one should fall in love >>> first. it desires a big fortune! if you have done so, you are luckey >>> enough. smiles! >>> ========== >>> >>> Bhavani ji, >>> A love marriage can not be performed without falling in love. >>> >>> I don't know about your location and locality so I would not comment >>> on the possibilities of falling in love with someone, but in our city >>> of Delhi the possibilities and opportunities of falling in love with >>> someone are quite high. >>> I think that I don't agree with you when you say that it is a matter >>> of fortune . >>> I don't want to be fortunet in this field as of now, but yeah in >>> future, yeah I would want to be, and I will be. >>> >>> With regards, >>> Akhilesh Kumar Dahiya, >>> Advocate. >>> Mobile: +91 9210616426 >>> New Delhi. >>> >>> >>> On 12/12/11, Rohiet A. Patil <[email protected]> wrote: >>>> Bhavani jee, I want to draw your attention to a very strange but true >>>> issue. >>>> As you say, one should keep sighted partner as a last option, but most >>>> of >>>> the time our parents keep them on a top priority because of many many >>>> misunderstandings. In this case, it's very hard to convince them. My >>>> point >>>> is, can we say that they are responsible for any future mishaps if >>>> happens >>>> unfortunetly? I have a strong opinian that in many cases, they are >>>> responsible for spoiling our life completely. Because they are having a >>>> egoistic aproach that "humay sub samazta hai. hum tumhara nuksan nahi >>>> karnay >>>> jaa rahay hai." Or something like this. >>>> ----- Original Message ----- >>>> From: "BHAWANI SHANKAR VERMA" <[email protected]> >>>> To: <[email protected]> >>>> Sent: Monday, December 12, 2011 7:31 AM >>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>> >>>> >>>> you are absolutely right! >>>> i did not say that one should not go for sighted partner, but, >>>> preferably >>>> don't go for sighted partner. keep it as the last option. >>>> >>>> >>>> ----- Original Message ----- >>>> From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <[email protected]> >>>> To: <[email protected]> >>>> Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 8:45 PM >>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>> >>>> >>>> But I think unfortunetly, it's a reality. Accept or not, But according >>>> to >>>> my >>>> view, it's very easy to cheet a VI person. >>>> Further, I also think that most of the time, the sighted partner thinks >>>> that >>>> "chalo isko cheet karna hamaray liye bohot hi aasan mamla hai. hum insay >>>> shadi karangay aur hum puranay relation me atakay rahay to isko kya pata >>>> chalega?". >>>> ----- Original Message ----- >>>> From: "Dr Jalaja" <[email protected]> >>>> To: <[email protected]> >>>> Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 8:10 PM >>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>> >>>> >>>> I can't agree with you fully. Cheating happens even if both are sighted. >>>> It >>>> is a matter of mutual trust in relations, and if the trust is not there >>>> we >>>> can't lead a normal married life. >>>> Regards----Jalaja >>>> ----- Original Message ----- >>>> From: "BHAWANI SHANKAR VERMA" <[email protected]> >>>> To: <[email protected]> >>>> Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 7:41 AM >>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>> >>>> >>>> in most of the cases a blind partner have been cheated by their sighted >>>> partners. whether is male or female. >>>> >>>> ----- Original Message ----- >>>> From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <[email protected]> >>>> To: <[email protected]> >>>> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 11:03 PM >>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>> >>>> >>>> I think what you say regarding mobility and eye contact, is equally true >>>> in >>>> the contest of VI women also. Don't you think so? >>>> ----- Original Message ----- >>>> From: "ekinath ekinath" <[email protected]> >>>> To: <[email protected]> >>>> Cc: "B. R. Nautial" <[email protected]> >>>> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 10:55 PM >>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>> >>>> >>>> I am struck! >>>> Let me start with congratulating Shadab, lucky indeed both the spouses. >>>> >>>> Can’t believe in a co-incidence of this topic just propping up like >>>> that. Just before opening my mail I was going through these thoughts. >>>> Well, I had couple of playful and couple of serous relations, but guys >>>> its time I think that I hang my heart to hooks. >>>> >>>> I am convinced that however of a hero you are. If u r blind and >>>> marrying a sighted girl, you wont be able to give her normal yes >>>> normal life. >>>> >>>> I think, normal mobility and eye contacts really matter and >>>> unfortunately we are helpless here. No technology, no training can >>>> compensate. >>>> >>>> Well, I assume that probably, life for VI woman would be better in >>>> relationships as girls don’t pick up their partners, and again >>>> normally the lead is usually a male in terms of driving, outing etc. >>>> >>>> I painfully imagine fathering an active kid which whom I can’t run, >>>> play or even show him the way. >>>> >>>> Therefore, think best thing is to seek pleasure in others happiness by >>>> doing little good that u can. >>>> >>>> But you got to go on, so i am. Hopes of substituting love with love >>>> from my friends, family and kith kins. >>>> >>>> Note: My thoughts are just my personal views involving emotions. >>>> Apologise if I have invoked negative feelings in someone. >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> On 12/10/11, Anirban Mukherjee <[email protected]> wrote: >>>>> Dear Shadab bhai, >>>>> >>>>> you have raised an issue which is a thing of my present life. i got a >>>>> job at the age of 21 years and it was a farely good job and of a >>>>> farely good salary in spite of my visual disability. i am visually >>>>> disabled from my birth, in my college days, i met a girl who was >>>>> junior to me by 1 year. she was interested in me but could not totally >>>>> go for the relationship due to uncertainty of our future. but 3 months >>>>> after my getting the job, she herself proposed me. we were deeply >>>>> engaged. many a night i spent with her by talking over phone. it's me >>>>> who inspired her to aspire for a job. she got one 2 years later. but >>>>> when talks of her marriage began in her family, she disclosed our >>>>> affair. but as soon as she was opposed emotionally and in all other >>>>> ways, she started fumbling and a month after the disclosure, she >>>>> called it quits with me. the reason she sighted was my visual >>>>> disability. (my fingers stumbling as i type) >>>>> >>>>> she left me emotionally bancrupt. now, a few months later my parents >>>>> are searching a bride for me but i've been refused from all quarters >>>>> as soon as my disability was intimated, in spite of that i believe the >>>>> disability should be clearly disclosed. anyway, now the attitude of my >>>>> parents is to settle for whosoever agrees to accept me disregarding >>>>> all or most of my aspirations. >>>>> >>>>> but still i sincerely believe that there is always a light at the end >>>>> of the tunnel. hope the light of my life would emerge from one such >>>>> end of the tunnel. otherwise, the quest for freedom and light would >>>>> continue in all possible ways. hope you will have a splendid married >>>>> life. >>>>> >>>>> sorry for a longish mail. >>>>> >>>>> with warm regards, Anirban Mukherjee, mobile: 09433305139 >>>>> >>>>> On 12/10/11, B. R. Nautial <[email protected]> wrote: >>>>>> oh! this is the part of life, no need to disappoint. Since beginning, >>>>>> the >>>>>> ladies are struggling for their rights and equality not only in India >>>>>> but >>>>>> also in all the developed nations too and it can't be change in one >>>>>> night. >>>>>> This is equally true that the situation is more critical for the blind >>>>>> women. >>>>>> With Regards >>>>>> B. R. Nautial >>>>>> - Original Message ----- >>>>>> From: "Sushmeetha" <[email protected]> >>>>>> To: <[email protected]> >>>>>> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 7:41 PM >>>>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>>> Its easy for a guy to disclose & still get a wife, but its not >>>>>>> possible >>>>>>> for >>>>>>> a lady to get a husband. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> As whatever we have achieved or however modernised we are, a man >>>>>>> still >>>>>>> looks >>>>>>> his wife to be a good house wife only. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Still my personal view is to disclose in the beginning & get >>>>>>> rejected, >>>>>>> than >>>>>>> disclosing later and getting divorced. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Regards >>>>>>> Sushmeetha >>>>>>> -----Original Message----- >>>>>>> From: [email protected] >>>>>>> [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Shadab >>>>>>> Husain >>>>>>> Sent: 10 December 2011 16:03 >>>>>>> To: accessindia; [email protected] >>>>>>> Subject: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>>>>> There was a time when my mother and sister were searching a bride for >>>>>>> me. I had insisted to have my visual 'disability' (as others call it) >>>>>>> be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest and >>>>>>> willingness >>>>>>> in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis Pigmentosa-caused >>>>>>> blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the issue further >>>>>>> or politely tendered their refusals. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and they found it >>>>>>> difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for the fear that >>>>>>> I >>>>>>> will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty or shameful >>>>>>> act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no reason to get >>>>>>> disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were interested in me >>>>>>> until >>>>>>> my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. I have not >>>>>>> caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond my control, >>>>>>> then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess that sometimes I >>>>>>> used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> We had a very old friendship with a family. They used to frequent us >>>>>>> often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my marriage proposal >>>>>>> to >>>>>>> them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed wife merrily >>>>>>> telling us "What is the use of asking? My daughter is yours, we know >>>>>>> your son, he is our child, everything is settled." >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Both the families came in the mood to have a great celebration. >>>>>>> Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be so divine that >>>>>>> we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, are loving and >>>>>>> blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was that we had >>>>>>> visited each other so much that it was clear that they know about my >>>>>>> blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had helped her >>>>>>> often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. But they just >>>>>>> did >>>>>>> not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk about that issue >>>>>>> again as if it was hurting them. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I felt some >>>>>>> uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because I did not want >>>>>>> to take chances. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not taking my >>>>>>> sight >>>>>>> problem seriously because they were thinking that I have enough sight >>>>>>> to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I work on >>>>>>> computers and move around the city and out of the city independently >>>>>>> (at the time these talks were taking place I was out of station). But >>>>>>> the astonishing thing was that they could not realise that in the >>>>>>> course of time I have become blind. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> I told her mother point-blank: "I can only see light. I am looking >>>>>>> towards your face because of your voice. I use screen reading >>>>>>> technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when I walk alone. >>>>>>> I >>>>>>> cannot see." >>>>>>> >>>>>>> She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she was broken. >>>>>>> (Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands were shaking at >>>>>>> that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already known about >>>>>>> the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and disinclined. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have reacted in a >>>>>>> similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My marriage date was >>>>>>> to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that they were >>>>>>> unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the game was over. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> But I was wrong. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the >>>>>>> girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started showering >>>>>>> praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully sympathetic tone, >>>>>>> though I had not needed it. Apologising from her expressions and >>>>>>> tone, >>>>>>> she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry me. I was >>>>>>> thankful because if this condition had disclosed after marriage, I >>>>>>> would have been in great trouble. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and called it 'In the >>>>>>> name of my cancelled marriage'! It was meant to truly celebrate life; >>>>>>> it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which bottles are >>>>>>> uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the main character >>>>>>> ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. Thankfully, we >>>>>>> really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite separated, we >>>>>>> made a lot of noise until the early hours of the morning. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Days passed. Wham! The mother of the girl-who-could-be-my-wife told >>>>>>> us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply moved by that >>>>>>> honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had cried and >>>>>>> prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become blind. Her family >>>>>>> members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl was willing to >>>>>>> marry me. It was a U-turn! >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Can you even guess what happened after that? Celebrations, >>>>>>> excitement, >>>>>>> religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the sort. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. (Though I always beg >>>>>>> for God's mercy and crave for prayers of His creations.) I had >>>>>>> earlier >>>>>>> told my sister that they have the right to reject me, but acceptance >>>>>>> after rejection will not affect me. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> I remained a bachelor. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I found many >>>>>>> people (including two blind men) who were very sufficiently leading a >>>>>>> lonesome life and asked myself: "If they can do it, why cannot I?" >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. Loneliness humbles >>>>>>> you, >>>>>>> brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to be happy in >>>>>>> need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be independent of all >>>>>>> except God. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only tried to be >>>>>>> practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my family >>>>>>> members >>>>>>> not to search a bride for me because "I want to live alone." Besides, >>>>>>> I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be happy in an >>>>>>> unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly prolong or >>>>>>> embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth our good >>>>>>> qualities, but this does not mean that we don't take steps to >>>>>>> eliminate it. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about the future. I >>>>>>> pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) and tried not to >>>>>>> miss a chance to improve myself. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I was >>>>>>> introduced >>>>>>> to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each and everything >>>>>>> about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess what....that >>>>>>> girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife! >>>>>>> >>>>>>> ----- >>>>>>> Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj >>>>>>> Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English literature, and >>>>>>> has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well as a >>>>>>> personality development course. He also writes a blog on personality >>>>>>> development and improving English. To visit his blog, click >>>>>>> PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html >>>>>>> >>>>>>> -- >>>>>>> Develop your personality and English at >>>>>>> http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>>>>> >>>>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>>>> [email protected] >>>>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>>>> please >>>>>>> visit the list home page at >>>>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> -------------------------------------- >>>>>>> Ascent Networks Pvt Ltd, Mumbai, India >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> >>>>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>>>>> >>>>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>>>> [email protected] >>>>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>>>> >>>>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>>>> please visit the list home page at >>>>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>>>> >>>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>>> [email protected] >>>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>>> >>>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>>> please >>>>>> visit the list home page at >>>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>>> >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>> [email protected] >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>> >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>> please >>>>> visit the list home page at >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>> >>>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> -- >>>> “The waves breaking on the surface draw all the attention, >>>> but it is the current beneath the water that determines your direction.” >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> [email protected] >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>> >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>> please >>>> visit the list home page at >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> [email protected] >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>> >>>> To change your subscription to 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>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>> please >>>> visit the list home page at >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> [email protected] >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >> >> >> -- >> >> >> >> >> >> >> >> -.-.-.-Faint heart never won fair lady_._._._._ >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> > > > -- > L. Subramani, > Snr. Subeditor, > Deccan Herald, > Bangalore, > M: 91-9886046612 > > "You see and ask why? I dream and ask why not?" > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > [email protected] > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > -- Ajay Minocha Mob : +91-7827188455 E mail : [email protected] [email protected] Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in
