very true said sir even I have also seen it in some families but here I want to add one more thing all members are not taking active participation in this conversation therefore I request they should express their thoughts as well like we are doing since some days it is just a request because everybody's unique suggestion makes a lot of difference in the life of a large number of VI community regards
On 12/14/11, BHAWANI SHANKAR VERMA <[email protected]> wrote: > cheating may be in any case. may be some one cheated financially, or > sometimes so called abled partner shows that hes/her disabled partner is > fully dependent on hem. this is a matter of self respect. sighted couples > may be cheated, but, the ratio is very low. i never wrote that a blind > person should not marry to a sighted person. but, i know many families where > a blind partner is being exploited by a sighted partner. so please be > carefull. your sighted partner should not take advantage of your disability > at any cost. > > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Ravindra Jadhav" <[email protected]> > To: <[email protected]> > Sent: Tuesday, December 13, 2011 11:04 PM > Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > >> Dear Rajesh sir, >> in most of the cases a blind partner have been cheated by their sighted >> partners. whether is male or female. >> >> Please share the sample size and the results? >> Good question ask to him. >> I am totally VI person, I married with normal lady. >> But I am not cheating whith her even my parent also not. But in some >> cases I am facing strong problem whith her that time mother handling >> the situation and solve the problem. >> >> On 12/12/11, Asudani, Rajesh <[email protected]> wrote: >>> In most of the cases cheated? >>> >>> Have you conducted any empirical study? >>> Please share the sample size and the results? >>> >>> >>> >>> -----Original Message----- >>> From: [email protected] >>> [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of BHAWANI >>> SHANKAR >>> VERMA >>> Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 7:41 AM >>> To: [email protected] >>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>> >>> in most of the cases a blind partner have been cheated by their sighted >>> partners. whether is male or female. >>> >>> ----- Original Message ----- >>> From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <[email protected]> >>> To: <[email protected]> >>> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 11:03 PM >>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>> >>> >>> I think what you say regarding mobility and eye contact, is equally true >>> in >>> the contest of VI women also. Don't you think so? >>> ----- Original Message ----- >>> From: "ekinath ekinath" <[email protected]> >>> To: <[email protected]> >>> Cc: "B. R. Nautial" <[email protected]> >>> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 10:55 PM >>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>> >>> >>> I am struck! >>> Let me start with congratulating Shadab, lucky indeed both the spouses. >>> >>> Can't believe in a co-incidence of this topic just propping up like >>> that. Just before opening my mail I was going through these thoughts. >>> Well, I had couple of playful and couple of serous relations, but guys >>> its time I think that I hang my heart to hooks. >>> >>> I am convinced that however of a hero you are. If u r blind and >>> marrying a sighted girl, you wont be able to give her normal yes >>> normal life. >>> >>> I think, normal mobility and eye contacts really matter and >>> unfortunately we are helpless here. No technology, no training can >>> compensate. >>> >>> Well, I assume that probably, life for VI woman would be better in >>> relationships as girls don't pick up their partners, and again >>> normally the lead is usually a male in terms of driving, outing etc. >>> >>> I painfully imagine fathering an active kid which whom I can't run, >>> play or even show him the way. >>> >>> Therefore, think best thing is to seek pleasure in others happiness by >>> doing little good that u can. >>> >>> But you got to go on, so i am. Hopes of substituting love with love >>> from my friends, family and kith kins. >>> >>> Note: My thoughts are just my personal views involving emotions. >>> Apologise if I have invoked negative feelings in someone. >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> On 12/10/11, Anirban Mukherjee <[email protected]> wrote: >>>> Dear Shadab bhai, >>>> >>>> you have raised an issue which is a thing of my present life. i got a >>>> job at the age of 21 years and it was a farely good job and of a >>>> farely good salary in spite of my visual disability. i am visually >>>> disabled from my birth, in my college days, i met a girl who was >>>> junior to me by 1 year. she was interested in me but could not totally >>>> go for the relationship due to uncertainty of our future. but 3 months >>>> after my getting the job, she herself proposed me. we were deeply >>>> engaged. many a night i spent with her by talking over phone. it's me >>>> who inspired her to aspire for a job. she got one 2 years later. but >>>> when talks of her marriage began in her family, she disclosed our >>>> affair. but as soon as she was opposed emotionally and in all other >>>> ways, she started fumbling and a month after the disclosure, she >>>> called it quits with me. the reason she sighted was my visual >>>> disability. (my fingers stumbling as i type) >>>> >>>> she left me emotionally bancrupt. now, a few months later my parents >>>> are searching a bride for me but i've been refused from all quarters >>>> as soon as my disability was intimated, in spite of that i believe the >>>> disability should be clearly disclosed. anyway, now the attitude of my >>>> parents is to settle for whosoever agrees to accept me disregarding >>>> all or most of my aspirations. >>>> >>>> but still i sincerely believe that there is always a light at the end >>>> of the tunnel. hope the light of my life would emerge from one such >>>> end of the tunnel. otherwise, the quest for freedom and light would >>>> continue in all possible ways. hope you will have a splendid married >>>> life. >>>> >>>> sorry for a longish mail. >>>> >>>> with warm regards, Anirban Mukherjee, mobile: 09433305139 >>>> >>>> On 12/10/11, B. R. Nautial <[email protected]> wrote: >>>>> oh! this is the part of life, no need to disappoint. Since beginning, >>>>> the >>>>> ladies are struggling for their rights and equality not only in India >>>>> but >>>>> also in all the developed nations too and it can't be change in one >>>>> night. >>>>> This is equally true that the situation is more critical for the blind >>>>> women. >>>>> With Regards >>>>> B. R. Nautial >>>>> - Original Message ----- >>>>> From: "Sushmeetha" <[email protected]> >>>>> To: <[email protected]> >>>>> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 7:41 PM >>>>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>>> >>>>> >>>>>> Its easy for a guy to disclose & still get a wife, but its not >>>>>> possible >>>>>> for >>>>>> a lady to get a husband. >>>>>> >>>>>> As whatever we have achieved or however modernised we are, a man still >>>>>> looks >>>>>> his wife to be a good house wife only. >>>>>> >>>>>> Still my personal view is to disclose in the beginning & get rejected, >>>>>> than >>>>>> disclosing later and getting divorced. >>>>>> >>>>>> Regards >>>>>> Sushmeetha >>>>>> -----Original Message----- >>>>>> From: [email protected] >>>>>> [mailto:[email protected]] On Behalf Of Shadab >>>>>> Husain >>>>>> Sent: 10 December 2011 16:03 >>>>>> To: accessindia; [email protected] >>>>>> Subject: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>>>> >>>>>> Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>>>> There was a time when my mother and sister were searching a bride for >>>>>> me. I had insisted to have my visual 'disability' (as others call it) >>>>>> be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest and willingness >>>>>> in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis Pigmentosa-caused >>>>>> blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the issue further >>>>>> or politely tendered their refusals. >>>>>> >>>>>> My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and they found it >>>>>> difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for the fear that I >>>>>> will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty or shameful >>>>>> act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no reason to get >>>>>> disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were interested in me until >>>>>> my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. I have not >>>>>> caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond my control, >>>>>> then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess that sometimes I >>>>>> used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. >>>>>> >>>>>> We had a very old friendship with a family. They used to frequent us >>>>>> often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my marriage proposal to >>>>>> them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed wife merrily >>>>>> telling us "What is the use of asking? My daughter is yours, we know >>>>>> your son, he is our child, everything is settled." >>>>>> >>>>>> Both the families came in the mood to have a great celebration. >>>>>> Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be so divine that >>>>>> we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, are loving and >>>>>> blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was that we had >>>>>> visited each other so much that it was clear that they know about my >>>>>> blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had helped her >>>>>> often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. But they just did >>>>>> not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk about that issue >>>>>> again as if it was hurting them. >>>>>> >>>>>> Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I felt some >>>>>> uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because I did not want >>>>>> to take chances. >>>>>> >>>>>> We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not taking my sight >>>>>> problem seriously because they were thinking that I have enough sight >>>>>> to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I work on >>>>>> computers and move around the city and out of the city independently >>>>>> (at the time these talks were taking place I was out of station). But >>>>>> the astonishing thing was that they could not realise that in the >>>>>> course of time I have become blind. >>>>>> >>>>>> I told her mother point-blank: "I can only see light. I am looking >>>>>> towards your face because of your voice. I use screen reading >>>>>> technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when I walk alone. I >>>>>> cannot see." >>>>>> >>>>>> She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she was broken. >>>>>> (Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands were shaking at >>>>>> that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already known about >>>>>> the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and disinclined. >>>>>> >>>>>> Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have reacted in a >>>>>> similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My marriage date was >>>>>> to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that they were >>>>>> unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the game was over. >>>>>> >>>>>> But I was wrong. >>>>>> >>>>>> Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the >>>>>> girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started showering >>>>>> praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully sympathetic tone, >>>>>> though I had not needed it. Apologising from her expressions and tone, >>>>>> she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry me. I was >>>>>> thankful because if this condition had disclosed after marriage, I >>>>>> would have been in great trouble. >>>>>> >>>>>> At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and called it 'In the >>>>>> name of my cancelled marriage'! It was meant to truly celebrate life; >>>>>> it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which bottles are >>>>>> uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the main character >>>>>> ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. Thankfully, we >>>>>> really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite separated, we >>>>>> made a lot of noise until the early hours of the morning. >>>>>> >>>>>> Days passed. Wham! The mother of the girl-who-could-be-my-wife told >>>>>> us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply moved by that >>>>>> honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had cried and >>>>>> prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become blind. Her family >>>>>> members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl was willing to >>>>>> marry me. It was a U-turn! >>>>>> >>>>>> Can you even guess what happened after that? Celebrations, excitement, >>>>>> religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the sort. >>>>>> >>>>>> I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. (Though I always beg >>>>>> for God's mercy and crave for prayers of His creations.) I had earlier >>>>>> told my sister that they have the right to reject me, but acceptance >>>>>> after rejection will not affect me. >>>>>> >>>>>> I remained a bachelor. >>>>>> >>>>>> I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I found many >>>>>> people (including two blind men) who were very sufficiently leading a >>>>>> lonesome life and asked myself: "If they can do it, why cannot I?" >>>>>> >>>>>> Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. Loneliness humbles you, >>>>>> brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to be happy in >>>>>> need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be independent of all >>>>>> except God. >>>>>> >>>>>> I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only tried to be >>>>>> practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my family members >>>>>> not to search a bride for me because "I want to live alone." Besides, >>>>>> I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be happy in an >>>>>> unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly prolong or >>>>>> embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth our good >>>>>> qualities, but this does not mean that we don't take steps to >>>>>> eliminate it. >>>>>> >>>>>> I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about the future. I >>>>>> pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) and tried not to >>>>>> miss a chance to improve myself. >>>>>> >>>>>> Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I was introduced >>>>>> to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each and everything >>>>>> about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess what....that >>>>>> girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife! >>>>>> >>>>>> ----- >>>>>> Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj >>>>>> Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English literature, and >>>>>> has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well as a >>>>>> personality development course. He also writes a blog on personality >>>>>> development and improving English. To visit his blog, click >>>>>> PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com. >>>>>> >>>>>> http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html >>>>>> >>>>>> -- >>>>>> Develop your personality and English at >>>>>> http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>>>> >>>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>>> [email protected] >>>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>>> >>>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>>> please >>>>>> visit the list home page at >>>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> -------------------------------------- >>>>>> Ascent Networks Pvt Ltd, Mumbai, India >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> >>>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>>>> >>>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>>> [email protected] >>>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>>> >>>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>>> please visit the list home page at >>>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> >>>>> Search for old postings at: >>>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>>> >>>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>>> [email protected] >>>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>>> >>>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>>> please >>>>> visit the list home page at >>>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>>> >>>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> [email protected] >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>> >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>> please >>>> visit the list home page at >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>> >>> >>> -- >>> "The waves breaking on the surface draw all the attention, >>> but it is the current beneath the water that determines your direction." >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> [email protected] >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> [email protected] >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> [email protected] >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Notice: This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and >>> intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they are >>> addressed. 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