to Dear mr Imran, aren't visually challanged persons grappling with fire all the time? (smiles), fire of different sorts? what's so new in marriages?
with warm regards, Anirban Mukherjee, On 12/13/11, BHAWANI SHANKAR VERMA <bsvermad...@gmail.com> wrote: > blind members are always exploited in their family. if more then one earning > member exists in the family, members demands more from blind person. because > they think that iskaa koi kharcha to hai nahi paise bacha kar kya karega. i > personally know one family, where they did not marry their blind daughter, > just because she is getting 35000 salary per month and she is the only > earning member in her family and having 2 sighted brothers. even she got > marriage proposal from sighted people. however, marriage is a lottery > ticket, which you can't throw, even if you lose it. it is my opinion that a > blind member should always keep himself bold and courageous and be concious > always. > > > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <patil_ro...@dataone.in> > To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> > Sent: Monday, December 12, 2011 11:25 PM > Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > > Bhavani jee, I want to draw your attention to a very strange but true issue. > As you say, one should keep sighted partner as a last option, but most of > the time our parents keep them on a top priority because of many many > misunderstandings. In this case, it's very hard to convince them. My point > is, can we say that they are responsible for any future mishaps if happens > unfortunetly? I have a strong opinian that in many cases, they are > responsible for spoiling our life completely. Because they are having a > egoistic aproach that "humay sub samazta hai. hum tumhara nuksan nahi karnay > jaa rahay hai." Or something like this. > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "BHAWANI SHANKAR VERMA" <bsvermad...@gmail.com> > To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> > Sent: Monday, December 12, 2011 7:31 AM > Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > > you are absolutely right! > i did not say that one should not go for sighted partner, but, preferably > don't go for sighted partner. keep it as the last option. > > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <patil_ro...@dataone.in> > To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> > Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 8:45 PM > Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > > But I think unfortunetly, it's a reality. Accept or not, But according to my > view, it's very easy to cheet a VI person. > Further, I also think that most of the time, the sighted partner thinks that > "chalo isko cheet karna hamaray liye bohot hi aasan mamla hai. hum insay > shadi karangay aur hum puranay relation me atakay rahay to isko kya pata > chalega?". > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Dr Jalaja" <jalajakumar...@gmail.com> > To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> > Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 8:10 PM > Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > > I can't agree with you fully. Cheating happens even if both are sighted. It > is a matter of mutual trust in relations, and if the trust is not there we > can't lead a normal married life. > Regards----Jalaja > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "BHAWANI SHANKAR VERMA" <bsvermad...@gmail.com> > To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> > Sent: Sunday, December 11, 2011 7:41 AM > Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > > in most of the cases a blind partner have been cheated by their sighted > partners. whether is male or female. > > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "Rohiet A. Patil" <patil_ro...@dataone.in> > To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> > Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 11:03 PM > Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > > I think what you say regarding mobility and eye contact, is equally true in > the contest of VI women also. Don't you think so? > ----- Original Message ----- > From: "ekinath ekinath" <ekin...@gmail.com> > To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> > Cc: "B. R. Nautial" <brnaut...@gmail.com> > Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 10:55 PM > Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage > > > I am struck! > Let me start with congratulating Shadab, lucky indeed both the spouses. > > Can’t believe in a co-incidence of this topic just propping up like > that. Just before opening my mail I was going through these thoughts. > Well, I had couple of playful and couple of serous relations, but guys > its time I think that I hang my heart to hooks. > > I am convinced that however of a hero you are. If u r blind and > marrying a sighted girl, you wont be able to give her normal yes > normal life. > > I think, normal mobility and eye contacts really matter and > unfortunately we are helpless here. No technology, no training can > compensate. > > Well, I assume that probably, life for VI woman would be better in > relationships as girls don’t pick up their partners, and again > normally the lead is usually a male in terms of driving, outing etc. > > I painfully imagine fathering an active kid which whom I can’t run, > play or even show him the way. > > Therefore, think best thing is to seek pleasure in others happiness by > doing little good that u can. > > But you got to go on, so i am. Hopes of substituting love with love > from my friends, family and kith kins. > > Note: My thoughts are just my personal views involving emotions. > Apologise if I have invoked negative feelings in someone. > > > > > > On 12/10/11, Anirban Mukherjee <sparsha.anir...@gmail.com> wrote: >> Dear Shadab bhai, >> >> you have raised an issue which is a thing of my present life. i got a >> job at the age of 21 years and it was a farely good job and of a >> farely good salary in spite of my visual disability. i am visually >> disabled from my birth, in my college days, i met a girl who was >> junior to me by 1 year. she was interested in me but could not totally >> go for the relationship due to uncertainty of our future. but 3 months >> after my getting the job, she herself proposed me. we were deeply >> engaged. many a night i spent with her by talking over phone. it's me >> who inspired her to aspire for a job. she got one 2 years later. but >> when talks of her marriage began in her family, she disclosed our >> affair. but as soon as she was opposed emotionally and in all other >> ways, she started fumbling and a month after the disclosure, she >> called it quits with me. the reason she sighted was my visual >> disability. (my fingers stumbling as i type) >> >> she left me emotionally bancrupt. now, a few months later my parents >> are searching a bride for me but i've been refused from all quarters >> as soon as my disability was intimated, in spite of that i believe the >> disability should be clearly disclosed. anyway, now the attitude of my >> parents is to settle for whosoever agrees to accept me disregarding >> all or most of my aspirations. >> >> but still i sincerely believe that there is always a light at the end >> of the tunnel. hope the light of my life would emerge from one such >> end of the tunnel. otherwise, the quest for freedom and light would >> continue in all possible ways. hope you will have a splendid married >> life. >> >> sorry for a longish mail. >> >> with warm regards, Anirban Mukherjee, mobile: 09433305139 >> >> On 12/10/11, B. R. Nautial <brnaut...@gmail.com> wrote: >>> oh! this is the part of life, no need to disappoint. Since beginning, the >>> ladies are struggling for their rights and equality not only in India but >>> also in all the developed nations too and it can't be change in one >>> night. >>> This is equally true that the situation is more critical for the blind >>> women. >>> With Regards >>> B. R. Nautial >>> - Original Message ----- >>> From: "Sushmeetha" <sushmee...@voicevision.in> >>> To: <accessindia@accessindia.org.in> >>> Sent: Saturday, December 10, 2011 7:41 PM >>> Subject: Re: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>> >>> >>>> Its easy for a guy to disclose & still get a wife, but its not possible >>>> for >>>> a lady to get a husband. >>>> >>>> As whatever we have achieved or however modernised we are, a man still >>>> looks >>>> his wife to be a good house wife only. >>>> >>>> Still my personal view is to disclose in the beginning & get rejected, >>>> than >>>> disclosing later and getting divorced. >>>> >>>> Regards >>>> Sushmeetha >>>> -----Original Message----- >>>> From: accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in >>>> [mailto:accessindia-boun...@accessindia.org.in] On Behalf Of Shadab >>>> Husain >>>> Sent: 10 December 2011 16:03 >>>> To: accessindia; unitee-education-c...@googlegroups.com >>>> Subject: [AI] Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>> >>>> Of disclosing 'disability' before marriage >>>> There was a time when my mother and sister were searching a bride for >>>> me. I had insisted to have my visual 'disability' (as others call it) >>>> be totally disclosed. People initially showed interest and willingness >>>> in my proposal, but the moment my Retinitis Pigmentosa-caused >>>> blindness was disclosed, either they did not carry the issue further >>>> or politely tendered their refusals. >>>> >>>> My parents and sister used to feel sorry for this, and they found it >>>> difficult to tell me that I again am being refused for the fear that I >>>> will get disheartened. But I had not committed a guilty or shameful >>>> act due to which I was facing rejections, so I saw no reason to get >>>> disheartened. Indeed, the fact that people were interested in me until >>>> my blindness was disclosed was a positive point for me. I have not >>>> caused my blindness; it is caused due to reasons beyond my control, >>>> then why to feel sorry over it? Yet, I must confess that sometimes I >>>> used to feel dejected, but there was light at the end of the tunnel. >>>> >>>> We had a very old friendship with a family. They used to frequent us >>>> often, and once all of a sudden my mother kept my marriage proposal to >>>> them. They gladly agreed, the mother of my supposed wife merrily >>>> telling us "What is the use of asking? My daughter is yours, we know >>>> your son, he is our child, everything is settled." >>>> >>>> Both the families came in the mood to have a great celebration. >>>> Marriage celebrations or their preparations seem to be so divine that >>>> we feel as if everyone, even our bloodthirsty enemies, are loving and >>>> blessing us in their hearts. The noteworthy thing was that we had >>>> visited each other so much that it was clear that they know about my >>>> blindness. Moreover, my sister too has RP, and they had helped her >>>> often. Yet my sight problem was impressed upon them. But they just did >>>> not listen to us and even told my sister not to talk about that issue >>>> again as if it was hurting them. >>>> >>>> Marriage is a big thing. Everything was clear but I felt some >>>> uneasiness and requested to talk with the girl because I did not want >>>> to take chances. >>>> >>>> We went to meet them. It turned out that they were not taking my sight >>>> problem seriously because they were thinking that I have enough sight >>>> to do my work on my own. For instance, they knew that I work on >>>> computers and move around the city and out of the city independently >>>> (at the time these talks were taking place I was out of station). But >>>> the astonishing thing was that they could not realise that in the >>>> course of time I have become blind. >>>> >>>> I told her mother point-blank: "I can only see light. I am looking >>>> towards your face because of your voice. I use screen reading >>>> technology to work on computers. And I use a cane when I walk alone. I >>>> cannot see." >>>> >>>> She gave a pause. That pause clearly expressed that she was broken. >>>> (Later, I came to know from my mother that her hands were shaking at >>>> that time.) Then I talked with the girl who had already known about >>>> the new condition I was in. She sounded perplexed and disinclined. >>>> >>>> Their reaction, though, was normal. Anyone would have reacted in a >>>> similar manner after knowing about my blindness. My marriage date was >>>> to be fixed, but now they needed time and told us that they were >>>> unaware that I had lost my sight. I thought that the game was over. >>>> >>>> But I was wrong. >>>> >>>> Days passed. One good evening, the mother of the >>>> girl-who-could-be-my-wife came to our home and started showering >>>> praises on me. She talked to me in a tearfully sympathetic tone, >>>> though I had not needed it. Apologising from her expressions and tone, >>>> she told us that her daughter was not willing to marry me. I was >>>> thankful because if this condition had disclosed after marriage, I >>>> would have been in great trouble. >>>> >>>> At my home, I gave a small party to my friends, and called it 'In the >>>> name of my cancelled marriage'! It was meant to truly celebrate life; >>>> it was not one of those Bollywood parties in which bottles are >>>> uncorked, there is false enjoyment all around, and the main character >>>> ineptly tries to forget his grief in the make-believe. Thankfully, we >>>> really enjoyed our party, and since my room is quite separated, we >>>> made a lot of noise until the early hours of the morning. >>>> >>>> Days passed. Wham! The mother of the girl-who-could-be-my-wife told >>>> us that her daughter wants to marry me! She was deeply moved by that >>>> honesty stuff. Earlier too, that delicate creature had cried and >>>> prayed for me a lot, on hearing that I have become blind. Her family >>>> members, too, had prayed and cried, and now the girl was willing to >>>> marry me. It was a U-turn! >>>> >>>> Can you even guess what happened after that? Celebrations, excitement, >>>> religious and cultural rituals... no, nothing of the sort. >>>> >>>> I was not very impressed with prayers and tears. (Though I always beg >>>> for God's mercy and crave for prayers of His creations.) I had earlier >>>> told my sister that they have the right to reject me, but acceptance >>>> after rejection will not affect me. >>>> >>>> I remained a bachelor. >>>> >>>> I started to train myself to lead an unmarried life. I found many >>>> people (including two blind men) who were very sufficiently leading a >>>> lonesome life and asked myself: "If they can do it, why cannot I?" >>>> >>>> Living alone is difficult, but not impossible. Loneliness humbles you, >>>> brings forth your good qualities and teaches you how to be happy in >>>> need. It is a lovely teacher which urges you to be independent of all >>>> except God. >>>> >>>> I was not pessimistic to adopt such an approach; I only tried to be >>>> practical. Had I been pessimistic, I would have told my family members >>>> not to search a bride for me because "I want to live alone." Besides, >>>> I have a small rule of life, which is to try to be happy in an >>>> unnatural or adverse situation, but never to willingly prolong or >>>> embrace it. True, bearing pain patiently brings forth our good >>>> qualities, but this does not mean that we don't take steps to >>>> eliminate it. >>>> >>>> I lived and enjoyed the present without caring about the future. I >>>> pursued my hobbies (reading, writing and travelling) and tried not to >>>> miss a chance to improve myself. >>>> >>>> Days passed. The final shot readers! One fine evening I was introduced >>>> to a girl by my mother and sister to whom I told each and everything >>>> about my sight. It is close to midnight now, and guess what....that >>>> girl is with me because thankfully she is my wife! >>>> >>>> ----- >>>> Shadab Husain works as a receptionist at Chhatrapati Shahuji Maharaj >>>> Medical University, Lucknow. He has an MA in English literature, and >>>> has pursued a diploma in computer applications as well as a >>>> personality development course. He also writes a blog on personality >>>> development and improving English. To visit his blog, click >>>> PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com. >>>> >>>> http://retinaindia.blogspot.com/2011/11/of-disclosing-disability-before.html >>>> >>>> -- >>>> Develop your personality and English at >>>> http://PersonalityAndEnglish.blogspot.com/ >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> accessindia-requ...@accessindia.org.in >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>> >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>> please >>>> visit the list home page at >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> -------------------------------------- >>>> Ascent Networks Pvt Ltd, Mumbai, India >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/accessindia@accessindia.org.in/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> 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