well, at the same time we mustn't forget the bleak other side of things. there are also a lot of parents who do exactly the opposite and neglect their blind children if they have other so called normal kids. a student of mine was driven to suicide because he wanted to shift to another city to study law, and his parents said y should we invest so much money on u when your brother is more likely to do better and take care of us in the future. that kid was a briliant musician. but of course parents these days want only doctors and enginiers to cell in markets. so this too, is true and tragic.
On 10/31/13, Anirban Mukherjee <[email protected]> wrote: > good one, very good one! > > On 10/31/13, Shireen Irani <[email protected]> wrote: >> a wonderful piece. u truely deserve special thanx for bringing to >> light such diverse nuances of disability with such beautiful pieces of >> writing on these forums. keep up the great work. thank u avinash. >> >> On 10/31/13, avinash shahi <[email protected]> wrote: >>> “Mom, when are you going to write a book about me?” my 7-year-old son, >>> Noah, asked as we sat on the floor of his room, surrounded by packing >>> materials from the box that had arrived earlier that day. Inside were >>> copies of my new book, each with a picture of me holding Noah’s >>> brother, Henry, on the cover. Henry has Down syndrome, and the book is >>> about the first three years of his life. Noah had come home to find >>> Henry admiring it while I danced around taking photos for our Facebook >>> page. Noah stood by watching the commotion patiently enough. He >>> understood that Henry was having his turn. He just wanted to know >>> whether the next book would be about him. >>> http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/10/growing-up-with-a-disabled-sibling/?_r=0 >>> The truth is that I have no plans to write a book about Noah. Unlike >>> his brother, he does not have a disability. His arrival was a >>> momentous occasion for my husband and me, but no more than that of any >>> other baby. So far, he has hit all the usual milestones. He makes >>> friends easily, has quirky interests and is successful in school. I >>> think he’s brilliant, charming and special. I also know that none of >>> this makes for very good reading. The fact of the matter is that it is >>> unlikely that Noah’s turn will ever come. >>> >>> We parents put a lot of energy into teaching our children to take >>> turns. We try to avoid jealousy and strife by doing our best to ensure >>> that each sibling gets an equal portion. Katie Roiphe wrote recently >>> about the pain of discovering that the promise of sibling equity is a >>> myth. We delude siblings by telling them that they are equal, she >>> argued. The promise that talent, good fortune and accomplishment will >>> be evenly distributed among their ranks is a lie. Inevitably, there >>> comes a time when those inequities are exposed, leading to resentment, >>> insecurity and conflict. Where some siblings overcome such tensions, >>> others — like Ms. Roiphe and her older sister — are irrevocably >>> damaged. Ms. Roiphe’s essay struck a nerve because I have a sister of >>> my own and our relationship has certainly been through the cycles of >>> acrimony she describes. >>> But I also believe that these dynamics are quite different when one >>> sibling is disabled. Instead of starting off with perfect equality, >>> there is an immediate imbalance of health and ability. Instead of >>> discovering, years down the road, how life’s gifts have not been >>> fairly apportioned, that is where the relationship begins. There is >>> abundant literature on the consequences of growing up with a disabled >>> sibling, much of it negative. Books with titles like “What About Me?,” >>> “Being the Other One” and “The Normal One: Life with a Difficult or >>> Damaged Sibling” report that the able-bodied child is often neglected >>> as his or her needs are subordinated to the more pressing demands of >>> the disabled sibling. >>> >>> This asymmetry can lead to all sorts of consequences, from hostility >>> and resentment to compensatory overachievement. Siblings of people >>> with disabilities often complain of feeling isolated and confused. >>> When they are young, they may be fearful of contracting the sibling’s >>> disability, or be stricken by guilt that they are responsible for >>> causing it. They may worry deeply about the disabled sibling’s health >>> and well-being. They may feel compelled to try to be perfect in order >>> to compensate for the obvious imperfections of the disabled sibling. >>> They may also act out, resenting the attention that goes into caring >>> for the disabled sibling. At some point, the typical child may feel >>> shame or embarrassment at having a sibling who is perceived >>> differently by others. As time passes, nondisabled siblings often >>> worry they will be responsible for the long-term care of a disabled >>> brother or sister. >>> >>> Of course, the news isn’t all bad. Some research suggests that growing >>> up with a disabled sibling can also infuse a person with a greater >>> sense of responsibility, patience and compassion for others. Some >>> siblings may be inspired to go into a helping profession, like >>> medicine, teaching or public interest law. Others translate their >>> early experience with disability into a greater appreciation for, and >>> understanding of, the wide spectrum of human differences. I confess to >>> keeping my own list of successful and accomplished people who have a >>> sibling with Down syndrome, which includes the Olympic snowboarder >>> Kevin Pearce (now himself disabled by a traumatic brain injury), the >>> actor and singer Jamie Foxx, the actress Eva Longoria, and Amy Chua of >>> “Tiger Mom” fame (and a Yale Law School professor). >>> >>> I also realize that it’s far too simplistic to say that having a >>> sibling with a disability is either a plus or a minus. More important >>> is the fact that disability may amplify the inequities that are an >>> inevitable part of all sibling relationships. My sons are 5 and 7, and >>> I know that our journey is still in its early stages. So far, they >>> relate to each other much like other brothers. They fight and jostle >>> for attention; they also play happily, taking joy in being together. >>> Sometimes Noah ignores his little brother or wishes he would go away. >>> At other times he is patient and gentle, and he does silly things just >>> to make Henry laugh. Henry thinks Noah is the funniest, most >>> interesting and most important person in the world. >>> >>> I know there may be times when Noah is resentful or ashamed of his >>> younger brother, and there will be times when Henry feels rejected or >>> ignored by Noah. I like to believe, however, that their happy >>> beginnings will inform a more enduring relationship. No, it will not >>> be equal. It is unlikely that Henry will have access to the same range >>> of opportunities and experiences as his older brother. And Noah will >>> probably never be the subject of a book, at least not one written by >>> me. But I remain hopeful that an early and well-managed experience of >>> those childhood inequities will help to make them more accepting of >>> the inevitable setbacks and challenges they encounter as adults. >>> >>> “You knew it when you were 4. The yellow lollipop is not the same as >>> the red one,” Ms. Roiphe concludes, reflecting on the inevitable >>> inequities of siblinghood even in the family where everyone is, for >>> the time being, able-bodied. Perhaps the lesson here is not the bitter >>> discovery that one sibling has more than his or her share of career >>> success, romance or creativity. Maybe it’s that people who don’t reach >>> those predictable markers of happiness might take more complicated and >>> interesting paths to satisfaction and insight. It is a good thing that >>> we don’t rely on the wisdom of 4-year-olds. And when we grow up, we >>> may come to value the fact that not all lollipops are the same, while >>> understanding that all are sweet. >>> >>> >>> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >>> >>> >>> Rachel Adams is a professor of English and American Studies at >>> Columbia University, and the author of “Raising Henry: A Memoir of >>> Motherhood, Disability, and Discovery. >>> >>> >>> -- >>> Avinash Shahi >>> M.Phil Research Scholar >>> Centre for The Study of Law and Governance >>> Jawaharlal Nehru University >>> New Delhi India >>> >>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>> of >>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> [email protected] >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Disclaimer: >>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >>> the >>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >>> >>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>> mails >>> sent through this mailing list.. >>> >> >> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >> of >> mobile phones / Tabs on: >> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the >> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >> mails >> sent through this mailing list.. >> > > Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of > mobile phones / Tabs on: > http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > [email protected] > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. > Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
