Rightly said Shireen Majority of parants, unless proven wrong consider a disabled child as liability. So investments of all kinds, are directed towards care-givers rather than for enhancing their capabilities to live an independent and dignified life. On 11/1/13, Shireen Irani <[email protected]> wrote: > well, at the same time we mustn't forget the bleak other side of things. > there are also a lot of parents who do exactly the opposite and > neglect their blind children if they have other so called normal kids. > a student of mine was driven to suicide because he wanted to shift to > another city to study law, and his parents said y should we invest so > much money on u when your brother is more likely to do better and take > care of us in the future. > that kid was a briliant musician. but of course parents these days > want only doctors and enginiers to cell in markets. > so this too, is true and tragic. > > On 10/31/13, Anirban Mukherjee <[email protected]> wrote: >> good one, very good one! >> >> On 10/31/13, Shireen Irani <[email protected]> wrote: >>> a wonderful piece. u truely deserve special thanx for bringing to >>> light such diverse nuances of disability with such beautiful pieces of >>> writing on these forums. keep up the great work. thank u avinash. >>> >>> On 10/31/13, avinash shahi <[email protected]> wrote: >>>> “Mom, when are you going to write a book about me?” my 7-year-old son, >>>> Noah, asked as we sat on the floor of his room, surrounded by packing >>>> materials from the box that had arrived earlier that day. Inside were >>>> copies of my new book, each with a picture of me holding Noah’s >>>> brother, Henry, on the cover. Henry has Down syndrome, and the book is >>>> about the first three years of his life. Noah had come home to find >>>> Henry admiring it while I danced around taking photos for our Facebook >>>> page. Noah stood by watching the commotion patiently enough. He >>>> understood that Henry was having his turn. He just wanted to know >>>> whether the next book would be about him. >>>> http://parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/10/10/growing-up-with-a-disabled-sibling/?_r=0 >>>> The truth is that I have no plans to write a book about Noah. Unlike >>>> his brother, he does not have a disability. His arrival was a >>>> momentous occasion for my husband and me, but no more than that of any >>>> other baby. So far, he has hit all the usual milestones. He makes >>>> friends easily, has quirky interests and is successful in school. I >>>> think he’s brilliant, charming and special. I also know that none of >>>> this makes for very good reading. The fact of the matter is that it is >>>> unlikely that Noah’s turn will ever come. >>>> >>>> We parents put a lot of energy into teaching our children to take >>>> turns. We try to avoid jealousy and strife by doing our best to ensure >>>> that each sibling gets an equal portion. Katie Roiphe wrote recently >>>> about the pain of discovering that the promise of sibling equity is a >>>> myth. We delude siblings by telling them that they are equal, she >>>> argued. The promise that talent, good fortune and accomplishment will >>>> be evenly distributed among their ranks is a lie. Inevitably, there >>>> comes a time when those inequities are exposed, leading to resentment, >>>> insecurity and conflict. Where some siblings overcome such tensions, >>>> others — like Ms. Roiphe and her older sister — are irrevocably >>>> damaged. Ms. Roiphe’s essay struck a nerve because I have a sister of >>>> my own and our relationship has certainly been through the cycles of >>>> acrimony she describes. >>>> But I also believe that these dynamics are quite different when one >>>> sibling is disabled. Instead of starting off with perfect equality, >>>> there is an immediate imbalance of health and ability. Instead of >>>> discovering, years down the road, how life’s gifts have not been >>>> fairly apportioned, that is where the relationship begins. There is >>>> abundant literature on the consequences of growing up with a disabled >>>> sibling, much of it negative. Books with titles like “What About Me?,” >>>> “Being the Other One” and “The Normal One: Life with a Difficult or >>>> Damaged Sibling” report that the able-bodied child is often neglected >>>> as his or her needs are subordinated to the more pressing demands of >>>> the disabled sibling. >>>> >>>> This asymmetry can lead to all sorts of consequences, from hostility >>>> and resentment to compensatory overachievement. Siblings of people >>>> with disabilities often complain of feeling isolated and confused. >>>> When they are young, they may be fearful of contracting the sibling’s >>>> disability, or be stricken by guilt that they are responsible for >>>> causing it. They may worry deeply about the disabled sibling’s health >>>> and well-being. They may feel compelled to try to be perfect in order >>>> to compensate for the obvious imperfections of the disabled sibling. >>>> They may also act out, resenting the attention that goes into caring >>>> for the disabled sibling. At some point, the typical child may feel >>>> shame or embarrassment at having a sibling who is perceived >>>> differently by others. As time passes, nondisabled siblings often >>>> worry they will be responsible for the long-term care of a disabled >>>> brother or sister. >>>> >>>> Of course, the news isn’t all bad. Some research suggests that growing >>>> up with a disabled sibling can also infuse a person with a greater >>>> sense of responsibility, patience and compassion for others. Some >>>> siblings may be inspired to go into a helping profession, like >>>> medicine, teaching or public interest law. Others translate their >>>> early experience with disability into a greater appreciation for, and >>>> understanding of, the wide spectrum of human differences. I confess to >>>> keeping my own list of successful and accomplished people who have a >>>> sibling with Down syndrome, which includes the Olympic snowboarder >>>> Kevin Pearce (now himself disabled by a traumatic brain injury), the >>>> actor and singer Jamie Foxx, the actress Eva Longoria, and Amy Chua of >>>> “Tiger Mom” fame (and a Yale Law School professor). >>>> >>>> I also realize that it’s far too simplistic to say that having a >>>> sibling with a disability is either a plus or a minus. More important >>>> is the fact that disability may amplify the inequities that are an >>>> inevitable part of all sibling relationships. My sons are 5 and 7, and >>>> I know that our journey is still in its early stages. So far, they >>>> relate to each other much like other brothers. They fight and jostle >>>> for attention; they also play happily, taking joy in being together. >>>> Sometimes Noah ignores his little brother or wishes he would go away. >>>> At other times he is patient and gentle, and he does silly things just >>>> to make Henry laugh. Henry thinks Noah is the funniest, most >>>> interesting and most important person in the world. >>>> >>>> I know there may be times when Noah is resentful or ashamed of his >>>> younger brother, and there will be times when Henry feels rejected or >>>> ignored by Noah. I like to believe, however, that their happy >>>> beginnings will inform a more enduring relationship. No, it will not >>>> be equal. It is unlikely that Henry will have access to the same range >>>> of opportunities and experiences as his older brother. And Noah will >>>> probably never be the subject of a book, at least not one written by >>>> me. But I remain hopeful that an early and well-managed experience of >>>> those childhood inequities will help to make them more accepting of >>>> the inevitable setbacks and challenges they encounter as adults. >>>> >>>> “You knew it when you were 4. The yellow lollipop is not the same as >>>> the red one,” Ms. Roiphe concludes, reflecting on the inevitable >>>> inequities of siblinghood even in the family where everyone is, for >>>> the time being, able-bodied. Perhaps the lesson here is not the bitter >>>> discovery that one sibling has more than his or her share of career >>>> success, romance or creativity. Maybe it’s that people who don’t reach >>>> those predictable markers of happiness might take more complicated and >>>> interesting paths to satisfaction and insight. It is a good thing that >>>> we don’t rely on the wisdom of 4-year-olds. And when we grow up, we >>>> may come to value the fact that not all lollipops are the same, while >>>> understanding that all are sweet. >>>> >>>> >>>> -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- >>>> >>>> >>>> Rachel Adams is a professor of English and American Studies at >>>> Columbia University, and the author of “Raising Henry: A Memoir of >>>> Motherhood, Disability, and Discovery. >>>> >>>> >>>> -- >>>> Avinash Shahi >>>> M.Phil Research Scholar >>>> Centre for The Study of Law and Governance >>>> Jawaharlal Nehru University >>>> New Delhi India >>>> >>>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>>> of >>>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>>> Search for old postings at: >>>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>>> >>>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>>> [email protected] >>>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>>> >>>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>>> please >>>> visit the list home page at >>>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>>> >>>> >>>> Disclaimer: >>>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking >>>> of >>>> the >>>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its >>>> veracity; >>>> >>>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>>> mails >>>> sent through this mailing list.. >>>> >>> >>> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >>> of >>> mobile phones / Tabs on: >>> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Search for old postings at: >>> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >>> >>> To unsubscribe send a message to >>> [email protected] >>> with the subject unsubscribe. >>> >>> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >>> please >>> visit the list home page at >>> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >>> >>> >>> Disclaimer: >>> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >>> the >>> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >>> >>> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >>> mails >>> sent through this mailing list.. >>> >> >> Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility >> of >> mobile phones / Tabs on: >> http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Search for old postings at: >> http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ >> >> To unsubscribe send a message to >> [email protected] >> with the subject unsubscribe. >> >> To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, >> please >> visit the list home page at >> http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in >> >> >> Disclaimer: >> 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of >> the >> person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; >> >> 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the >> mails >> sent through this mailing list.. >> > > Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of > mobile phones / Tabs on: > http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Search for old postings at: > http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ > > To unsubscribe send a message to > [email protected] > with the subject unsubscribe. > > To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please > visit the list home page at > http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in > > > Disclaimer: > 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the > person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; > > 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails > sent through this mailing list.. >
-- Avinash Shahi M.Phil Research Scholar Centre for The Study of Law and Governance Jawaharlal Nehru University New Delhi India Register at the dedicated AccessIndia list for discussing accessibility of mobile phones / Tabs on: http://mail.accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/mobile.accessindia_accessindia.org.in Search for old postings at: http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ To unsubscribe send a message to [email protected] with the subject unsubscribe. To change your subscription to digest mode or make any other changes, please visit the list home page at http://accessindia.org.in/mailman/listinfo/accessindia_accessindia.org.in Disclaimer: 1. Contents of the mails, factual, or otherwise, reflect the thinking of the person sending the mail and AI in no way relates itself to its veracity; 2. AI cannot be held liable for any commission/omission based on the mails sent through this mailing list..
