consciousness is a flavor a light
On Mar 14, 8:14 am, Mark Ty-Wharton <[email protected]> wrote: > I am writing a book about consciousness. > > While I thought I knew everything I needed to know about this subject to > complete the book I find I am caught in the throws of a show stopper so huge > I cannot see a resolution to it. > > My manuscript contained some 30,000 words of complex arguments for and > against various concepts which have been put forward over the years. > > I have no doubt to someone it will be a good read. > > What I notice is there is a block. > > And again in my experience a block usually means a "not being truthful about > something". > > I have writers block and I am not being truthful about it. > > Obviously I am writing this, though in writing this my hope is I am writing > a key to unlock a door. > > The door I need to unlock is a door which is hidden behind an intense set of > feelings I am not always honest about. > > I am deeply frustrated and perplexed by the nature of my own consciousness. > > While I believe I have had direct experiences of what constitutes my true > nature, the seeking of it seems to create a wall which in itself becomes > impossible to break down. > > I have a clear logical understanding of the nature of self, yet self always > needs to be there. > > It would seem that self is the context in which I hold awareness and > experience itself. > > And even this over complicates it. > > I am annoyed that I can't get AT it. I am annoyed that I can contemplate in > the bath for hours and conceptualise over IT. > > It is and always was the case and the seeking of it makes me blind and angry > to it. > > Here is what I notice. > > I pretend I am not angry about the amount of time I have taken to get to > grips with IT. > > The pretence gives me no access to the anger. > > Without access to the anger I have no experience of the one experiencing the > anger. > > It's just like a frustrating never ending quest for something that I almost > never get. > > And when I find 'the zone' I dare not go to sleep for fear that it will be > gone when I wake up (and often it appears to have). > > I cannot write a book from my experience unless my experience constitutes > and expert opinion. > > I would not expect to read a book about riding bicycles by someone who has > no idea how to stay on one and occasionally does by sheer luck. > > Yes, practice may be the key. > > But the key rarely fits the door directly. > > Where I got to today. > > When I stand in front of a mirror, there are two of me in my visual field. > > I only identify with the one that appears on the three dimensional side of > the mirror. > > The flat one in the glass is not "me" but it is "my" reflection. > > The three dimensional one typing this message is not "me" but it is "my" > body typing. > > Clear as anything logically. > > When I move my hand I feel movement in my hand. > > There is no feeling at the "me" end of the nervous system. > > When I look at the chest of drawers in the bedroom there is no feeling there > either. > > The chest of drawers and the "me" doing feeling of hands feels the same. > > The illusion might be I am the chest of drawers. > > Is advaita and zen a concept? > > An illusion. > > It appears I am one because I am not. > > Answers on a postcard please. > > Frustration spoken about from my place of truth. > > What's missing? > > Thanks > > Mark
