Re: Monthly chat december
Yeah your right Dark there's certain countries that's true, especially war torn ones, with some seriously awesome people that make a big difference, but over all the outlook in places like that is simple, and shit for the baby in question,and shit for the child and then adult if they even get that far.
That said we have our own huge problems here, but generally crazy cases like this don't happen, as with most things, it's the bad ones you hear about, sure then you need to deal with run of the mill descrimination and assholery, but it's better than being denyed basic human rites like with that woman who, was not my mother by the way now that I know more about the story.
I guess what happened with us was less extreme and a bit later.
Also yeah, Thomas,look on the bright side, especially when it's true.
And, I for one think that sometimes the human race sucks, but getting into that mindset is just going to make you autohate everyone around you, so be careful, when I think of that I also think of the capability and potential that all humans have to do amazing things, and I think of some of those things, not just ones that stand out, but simple things too.
We have too much potential to be universally awesome to be written off so easily I think, or to deserve being written off.
Not all our instincts point us to immoral actions either, some of the base ones, but also some point us to neutral and even very moral things as well, otherwise how could the average person live in society, because messed up as it can be it's still better than nothing.
Well I also have my secret weapon, no idea why it works so well but I have to not have it too loud, or to quiet, and I have to have good headphones, and I have to make, my self relax, and it helps allot but I don't know why.
But you probably wont' like it if you don't at all like electroni
c anything.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=454NKz8b8_o
I think it works so well on me for a few reasons.
1. A few people seem to think I may be on the autism spectrum somewhere, I don't know if that's true but...
2. The beat is always slower than I expect, so subconchusly I just slow my breath and heart rate too... Something I can actually feel happening, it also makes me focus more on the song and nothing else, and slows my thoughts.
3. The womans voice to me is beautiful, and what they did with the piches catches her vocal range, I am a unashaimed sucker for chop ups, but not all, I have to say.
4. The slow heavy base just pounds the fight out of me, rofl, and I let it, because why the hell not?
5. The Simple melodys really pull me in, especially when they get flushed out at the end with the string plucks, and again with her voice.
6. The old timy electric piano type synth in the middle really gets me, I used to listen to NPR allot with my dad, and this one show had that inbetween segments allot, especially sadder ones or weirder ones, it reminds me of a time when my parents weren't divorced yet, where I knewwhere I stood before suddenly I had 3 more siblings from a woman my dad was with on a time out my parents had when I was young, after CPS took them away from her years later when my dad and her were not even close to each other, and I didn't see the problems with my dad and his anger, 99 percent verbal abuse at least, when I hadn't had to grow up too fast getting moved around so very much, like 20 times in 18 years, and that's just homes not schools which is closer to 30 or more, not counting those 2 transitional houses, or feel as though I let everyone downa round me in high school because I couldn't learn like everyone else, or that I'd screwed up my futu
re because of my shit GPA, before I fell into the current bout of depression that I'm still in and had to get to know my new and unwanted dad, who has, no shit actual multiple personality disorder, with 36 alters and 6 main alters because of the horrible shit that happened to him when he was young with his parents, who I knew for several years before this unaware and even visited a few times by my self, because he had baried it so deep he couldn't remember, and all those alters are fragments of times his mind just broke because he couldn't deal with it and now hold seperit memories for him, they came out before in accents and slight personality changes which I just thought were great because he did them so well, and he was already really knolidgable about past and current world events and geography and cultures, which I still love about him at least, so it made sense, or the freakouts, which I realize now were alters he was suppressing.
This stuff just grounds me
, other electronic music effects me in a big way too, but this song especially does this specific thing to me, I don't know why, probably because this shit all caught up to me all at once, I kept running and saying o it's fine I wont' freak out, it wont' be that bad, it was never an explosion, it was an implosion, and a long slow one, still going on, I mean I'm getting help, but honestly this stuff helps me in the moment most of all, never could do meditation, hard to talk to counslers, and I'm just so tired of trying to figure my self out, trying to label the reason I am so deathly afraid of toxans, even reading the word like I just did now makes my heart jump, or why I can't cross streets because I can't trust drivers I can't see, which I probably will get over with work at least I know that, or how I can have halusinations that are so rediculously real that I feel like I'm going to die, and I'm paralized with fear all night,
though to be fare that's only happened a few times in my life, but they were the absolute worst nights of my life, imagine the precise instant in time where you think about the thing that scares you the most right now, weather it's something you've been suppressing, something you just read about or watched on tv or something, and you thinka bout it killing you, like a snapshot of all 5 senses at that exact time that your heart stops and you scream your last scream, that's what happens to me, again, and again, and again, sometimes per second or more, you can't move because you see the thing your scared of in an exact position in your oom and you just know it's there, there is no rationalization what so ever at this point, your mind is either blank or shrieking, and it keeps going back and forth with no in between.
That also has allot to do with my excellent facial vision, I can imagine shapes, from any sounds I hear, but when I am confronted with 0
sound or small unexplained sounds at a time like that, it helps me construct a realistic shadow, so to speak which is very, very useful in O and M, but when you are constructing the thing that scares you to this degree and it's always moving towards you and touching you again and again. well it's not so great...
Also, holy shit that list item was long... rofl, I got carried away, I hope I didn't ruin your already depressing December thread Dark, sorry.
But, uh, I like that song? allot?
Anyway...
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