John

Thank you for your proposal. I am fine with it, but I am no native speaker 😊.

I am still struggling a bit with the middle sentence.

β€œThe structure also allows an end entity or RA to include any other
necessary data, such as the publicKey field, when it is required for the 
certificate.”
The public key is always required for a certificate, but with central key 
generation it will not be provided in the certificate request.
What do you think about this:

β€œThe structure also allows an end entity or RA to include any other
necessary data, such as the publicKey field, when it is required for the 
certificate request.”

Hendrik

Von: John Gray <john.g...@entrust.com>
Gesendet: Freitag, 11. Juli 2025 16:30
An: Brockhaus, Hendrik (FT RPD CST SEA-DE) <hendrik.brockh...@siemens.com>; 
David von Oheimb <David.von.Oheimb=40siemens....@dmarc.ietf.org>; Alanna Paloma 
<apal...@staff.rfc-editor.org>
Cc: debcool...@gmail.com; Mike Ounsworth <mike.ounswo...@entrust.com>; 
rfc-edi...@rfc-editor.org; lamps-...@ietf.org; lamps-cha...@ietf.org; 
hous...@vigilsec.com; auth48archive@rfc-editor.org
Betreff: Re: [EXTERNAL] [AD] Re: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9810 
<draft-ietf-lamps-rfc4210bis-18> for your review

I think there is a problem with the rephrasing.  This new proposal seems to 
have an incomplete sentence, and using "wish to get included" seems kind of 
jarring to me.  The phrase "want to be included" would be better, I think.

The sentence "The publicKey field is typically required to provide." is not 
complete...

The last sentence is fine


The CertTemplate structure allows entities requesting a certificate

to specify the data fields that they wish to get included.

The publicKey field is typically required to provide. A

CertTemplate structure is identical to a TBSCertificate structure (see [RFC 
5280])

but with all fields optional/situational.

If you really want to further rephrase it, the following works.  I think the 
comment from Quynh wanted to mention data fields and that is why publicKey is 
mentioned, so how about the following:


The CertTemplate structure allows entities requesting a certificate

to specify the data fields that they want to be included.

The structure also allows an end entity or RA to include any other

necessary data, such as the publicKey field, when it is required for the 
certificate.

 A CertTemplate structure is identical to a TBSCertificate structure (see [RFC 
5280])

but with all fields optional/situational.

Cheers,

John Gray

________________________________
From: Brockhaus, Hendrik 
<hendrik.brockh...@siemens.com<mailto:hendrik.brockh...@siemens.com>>
Sent: Friday, July 11, 2025 2:42 AM
To: David von Oheimb 
<David.von.Oheimb=40siemens....@dmarc.ietf.org<mailto:David.von.Oheimb=40siemens....@dmarc.ietf.org>>;
 Alanna Paloma 
<apal...@staff.rfc-editor.org<mailto:apal...@staff.rfc-editor.org>>; John Gray 
<john.g...@entrust.com<mailto:john.g...@entrust.com>>
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<debcool...@gmail.com<mailto:debcool...@gmail.com>>; Mike Ounsworth 
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Subject: AW: [EXTERNAL] [AD] Re: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9810 
<draft-ietf-lamps-rfc4210bis-18> for your review

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I like this rephrasing.



Hendrik



Von: David von Oheimb 
<David.von.Oheimb=40siemens....@dmarc.ietf.org<mailto:David.von.Oheimb=40siemens....@dmarc.ietf.org>>
Gesendet: Freitag, 11. Juli 2025 08:40
An: Alanna Paloma 
<apal...@staff.rfc-editor.org<mailto:apal...@staff.rfc-editor.org>>; John Gray 
<john.g...@entrust.com<mailto:john.g...@entrust.com>>
Cc: debcool...@gmail.com<mailto:debcool...@gmail.com>; Brockhaus, Hendrik (FT 
RPD CST SEA-DE) 
<hendrik.brockh...@siemens.com<mailto:hendrik.brockh...@siemens.com>>; Mike 
Ounsworth <mike.ounswo...@entrust.com<mailto:mike.ounswo...@entrust.com>>; 
rfc-edi...@rfc-editor.org<mailto:rfc-edi...@rfc-editor.org>; 
lamps-...@ietf.org<mailto:lamps-...@ietf.org>; 
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auth48archive@rfc-editor.org<mailto:auth48archive@rfc-editor.org>
Betreff: Re: [EXTERNAL] [AD] Re: AUTH48: RFC-to-be 9810 
<draft-ietf-lamps-rfc4210bis-18> for your review



Hi Alanna et al.,

I suggest streamlining part of the below mentioned paragraph on the 
CertTemplate structure,
as follows.

  The CertTemplate structure allows entities requesting a certificate

to specify the data fields that they wish to get included.

The publicKey field is typically required to provide. A

CertTemplate structure is identical to a TBSCertificate structure (see [RFC 
5280])

but with all fields optional/situational.

Regards,

    David



On 10.07.25 21:05, Alanna Paloma wrote:

Hi John,



Thank you for your reply.



I'm okay with the suggested updated text (I agree it is much clearer), however 
there is a typo in it  πŸ™‚



It should be "when it is" instead of "when t is"

  The CertTemplate structure allows an end entity or RA to specify as many

data fields as the structure wishes for the requested certificate. The

structure also allows an end entity or RA to include any other necessary data,

such as the publicKey field, when it is required for the certificate. A

CertTemplate structure is identical to a TBSCertificate structure (see [RFC 
5280])

but with all fields optional/situational.



Thanks for spotting this! We have updated the text accordingly.


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