I am interested to know how courtship might be seen from a Baha'i
standpoint. My understanding is that relationships don't have to be
'official' before engagement. There doesn't have to be any mention of being
boyfriend and girlfriend or any sort of committment made. It could be the
case that there were times when feelings were made obvious, but I don't know
that there has to be anything prior to engagement that would make it clear
that they like each other as more than just friends. I have heard of many
cases where Baha'i friends suddenly announced their engagement. The idea of
"going steady" doesn't sound Baha'i to me, because, as I understand, it
implies that you don't do things with other people of the opposite sex even
as friends. Not being able to see someone else of the opposite sex and do
activities just as a friend seems a selfish request. I would think that
prior to when you become engaged (or at least the moment you decide someone
is the person for you, and that you want to be with them for the rest of
your life) NO COMMITTMENT should be made. Relationships today often involve
some sort of committment in a relationship at a time when the couple have
not settled on each other as their spouse. My understanding is that as a
Baha'i the only committment should be to marriage. Prior to becoming
convinced that a particular person is good enough, anyone of the opposite
sex is still in the running, and it may be that your potential spouse turns
out not to cut the mustard. I don't see how a committment could have any
meaning for a Baha'i. If you are committing to someone it's like you owe
them something, but if you don't know that you'll want to marry them, what
are you committing to? I'm not entirely sure that exclusive relationships,
i.e. "couples," where there is a girlfriend and a boyfriend, is what is
required of Baha'is. Since I don't see what someone who is merely a
potential spouse is owed, I don't know that a relationship involving two
people is a requirement. I think that a person could see more than one
person of the opposite sex. The problem here is that in society today it's
probably going to be assumed to be "a date" if one asks one of the opposite
sex if they want to do something. If it's taken as a date it would also be
taken as the usual boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. If the person who
asked then asks someone else to do something, it could get back to the other
person, who might then see the person as being unfaithful. I don't think
that would be the problem of the person who asked. I guess it's just how
things are today. Having said this, if one were becoming pretty certain
that a particular person was good enough to marry it would not be the best
time to ask another person of the opposite sex to do something. The former
could be good enough, and it could give rise to misunderstandings and result
in a split. Anyway, I'm not sure that a "relationship," defined in the
normal way, is the way to go. Such involve "romance," with sultry looks,
roses, and talk about how they are the best thing you ever came across, and
how you were nobody before you met them. I'm not quite sure what Baha'i
romance is supposed to be like, or when it is allowed. I'm sure you are
allowed to tell a person you love them prior to engagement, and I don't see
any objection to flowers or chocolates. I'm not sure how, without doing
something dishonest that would mislead people (like asking two people of the
opposite sex to be your boyfriend/girlfriend, which they are going to take
to mean that they have a unique relationship with you that no one else has),
a Baha'i would be unfaithful by seeing two people at once. As I see it,
prior to engagement the two can be considered friends. I think the
implication today is that on becoming boyfriend and girlfriend neither
should be looking out for others. It could happen that someone else better
presents themself, but you would not be trying to look for others. From a
Baha'i standpoint I don't know that it would be the same if two people
started seeing each other. If it's not an exclusive relationship, and the
two really don't know if the other person will be good enough, they can have
their eyes wide open to others they might see.
Just my take on the issue. No doubt I'll receive some useful replies on
this.
Regards,
David
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