Serf-Edly,
I can't tell you how much better and safer I now feel at the front to know
that a mere calvary captain has intercepted a supposedly "secret" report...
buffoonery. Are you sure you are qualified as a man to wear a uniform of a
regiment of France?
A disgusted,
Maj. Henri du Bois
----- Original Message -----
From: "Peter T Davies" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: "banana list" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Thursday, March 22, 2001 10:30 AM
Subject: HSE to All of Paris: A Warning!
My dear Sirs,
Once again, I find myself in receipt of secret reports concerning dealings
with rival nations. Without further ado, let me pass on their contents, in
order to safeguard ourselves against that most cunning of our natural
enemies - the hated English! The report reads ...
In a response to English pleading for greater ties with the superior French
nation, certain eminent French diplomats recently traversed La Manche to
engage in highly secretive talks. Arriving at Dover (in what the English
mistakenly call a harbour), they surreptitiously travelled cross country to
a large marquee where the negotiations would transpire. This large canvas
structure had been specially erected for the talks, probably to hide English
embarrassment at their poor architecture.
The slow-witted English were no match for the keen minds of the naturally
sharper French intellects, and they quickly tired, and sought opportunity
for some repast. English cuisine is of course legendary, yet nevertheless,
our French ambassadors still managed to keep it all down! However, wishing
to keep clear heads, they chose to make a supreme gesture, and refused any
alcohol with their meals (although, noting the English inability to produce
anything resembling real wine, this may not have been such a great
sacrifice).
It was at this point that the English produced a peculiar fruit drink, which
they alleged was alcohol-free. The trusting French diplomats, as men of
integrity and honour, assumed their hosts were men of their word, and
willingly imbibed great quantities of this liquid. Alas! It was a
treacherous English ruse, and the believing French politicians were soon
inebriated. The shameful English then removed all the diplomats' bodily
hair, leaving them in a state of shame and ridicule for many days.
In response to this, my fellow Frenchman, I implore you that our glorious
nation should never again have anything whatsoever to do with this ...
... en tent cordial!
Yours, for the glory of France!
Henri Serf-Edly, Captain and Regimental Adjutant, Garnd Duke Max Dragoons
DISCLAIMER: I have done everything in my power to check the veracity of this
report. In NO way is it intended to reflect poorly upon ANY of those noble
and gifted men who presently undertake any political responsibilities in
Paris now, or in the past. This report merely seeks to manifest the cowardly
and reprehensible behavious of the hated English, and in no way maligns the
honour of any French person, and is therefore not the basis for any duel! In
fact, I take no responsibility for anything in this report (apart from the
awful last line!). Henri.
