yeah, liked it. I've used some of these. On Sun, 27 Jan 2008, Gil Laster wrote:
> A friend sent me this: > So, think you know what the real use of certain tools are? Well let's see if > you really know > > DRILL PRESS: A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal > bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings > your beer across the room, splattering it against that freshly-stained > heirloom piece you were drying. > > WIRE WHEEL: Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the > workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned > guitar calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, > "Yeow~crap~...." > > ELECTRIC HAND DRILL: Normally used for spinning pop rivets in their holes > until you die of old age. > > SKIL SAW: A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short. > > PLIERS: Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of > blood-blisters. > > BELT SANDER: An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up > jobs into major refinishing jobs. > > HACKSAW: One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle. > It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the > more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes. > > VISE-GRIPS: Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. > If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense > welding heat to the palm of your hand. > > WELDING GLOVES: Heavy duty leather gloves used to prolong the conduction of > intense welding heat to the palm of your hand. > > OXYACETYLENE TORCH: Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable > objects in your shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the > wheel hub you want the bearing race out of. > > WHITWORTH SOCKETS: Once used for working on older British cars and > motorcycles, they are now used mainly for impersonating that 9/16 or ½ socket > you've been searching for the last 45 minutes. > > TABLE SAW: A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood > projectiles for testing wall integrity. > > HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK: Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you > have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under > the bumper. > > EIGHT-FOOT LONG YELLOW PINE 2X4: Used for levering an automobile upward off > of a trapped hydraulic jack handle. > > TWEEZERS: A tool for removing wood splinters and wire wheel wires. > > E-Z OUT BOLT AND STUD EXTRACTOR: A tool ten times harder than any known drill > bit that snaps neatly off in bolt holes thereby ending any possible future > use. > > RADIAL ARM SAW: A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to > scare neophytes into choosing another line of work. > > TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST: A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of > everything you forgot to disconnect. > > CRAFTSMAN 1/2 x 24-INCH SCREWDRIVER: A very large pry bar that inexplicably > has an accurately machined screwdriver tip on the end opposite the handle. > > AVIATION METAL SNIPS: See hacksaw. > > TROUBLE LIGHT: The home mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called a > drop light, it is a good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which > is not otherwise found under cars at night. Health benefits aside, its main > purpose is to consume 40-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105mm > howitzer shells might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle > of the Bulge. More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading. > > PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER: Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids and > for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; > but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads. > > STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER: A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to > convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws. > > AIR COMPRESSOR: A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power > plant 200 miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by > hose to a Chicago Pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts which were > last over tightened 30 years ago by someone at Ford, and instantly rounds off > their heads. Also used to quickly snap off lug nuts. > > PRY BAR: A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket > you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part. > > HOSE CUTTER: A tool used to make hoses too short. > > HAMMER: Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used > as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the > object we are trying to hit. Also used to make gaping holes in walls when > hanging pictures. > > MECHANIC'S KNIFE: Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard > cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents > such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector > magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for > slicing work clothes, but only while in use. > > DAMMIT TOOL: Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while > yelling "DAMMIT" at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next > tool that you will need > > Chuck the Slacker > > Street Rods....Drive 'Em > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] > > [Non-text portions of this message have been removed] To listen to the show archives go to link http://acbradio.org/handyman.html or ftp://ftp.acbradio.org/acbradio-archives/handyman/ The Pod Cast address for the Blind Handy Man Show is. http://www.acbradio.org/news/xml/podcast.php?pgm=saturday Visit The Blind Handy Man Files Page To Review Contributions From Various List Members At The Following address: http://www.jaws-users.com/JAWS/handyman/ Visit the archives page at the following address http://www.mail-archive.com/[email protected]/ If you would like to join the JAWS Users List, then visit the following address for more information: http://www.jaws-users.com/ For a complete list of email commands pertaining to the Blind Handy Man list just send a blank message to: [EMAIL PROTECTED] Yahoo! 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