Hello all,
I recieved this from another mailing list and throught y'all would enjoy
it! I thought it was a hoot!
Patrick
_________________________________________________________________________
_
The occasion was the nocturnal segment of the diurnal period preceding
the annual Yuletide celebration, and throughout the perimeters of the
locus of residence occuped by yours truly, kinetic activity was nowhere
in evidence among the biological population, including that species of
domestic rodent denoted in zoological nomenclature as Mus musculus.
Hosiery was meticulously suspended from the forward margin of the
hearth-site, pursuant to anticipatory pleasure regarding an imminent
visitation from an eccentric philanthropist among whose folkloric
appellation includes the honorific title of St. Nicholas.
The prepubescent siblings, comfortably ensconced in their respective
dormative accommodations, were experiencing subconscious visual
hallucinations of variegated fructose confections moving rhythmically
through their cerebrums. This observer and conjugal partner, attired in
respective nocturnal cranial coverings, were about to take slumberous
advantage of the hibernal darkness when upon the avenaceous exterior
portion of the residential site there ascended such a cacophony of
dissonance that he felt compelled to arise with alacrity from the place
of repose for the purpose of ascertaining the precise source thereof.
Hastening to the casement, your observer forthwith opened the barriers
previously secluding a fenestration, noting without that the lunar
brilliance, reflected as it was on the surface of a recent crystalline
precipitation, might be observed to rival the luminosity of the solar
meridian itself - thus permitting incredulous optical sensory organs to
behold a miniature airborne runnered-conveyance drawn by eight diminutive
specimens of the genus Rangifer, piloted by a minuscule, geriatric
chauffeur so ebullient and lissom that it became instantly apparent that
he was indeed the anticipated noctivicant caller.
With an ungulate motive power travelling at what may possibly have been
more vertiginous velocity than aquiline predators, he vociferated loudly,
expelled breath musically through contracted labia, and addressed each of
the octet by his/her respective cognomen - "Now Dasher, now Dancer..." et
alia - guiding them to the uppermost exterior level of the abode, through
which structure your observer could readily distinguish the
concatenations of each of 32 cloven pedal extremities.
As your humble observer retracted his cranium from its erstwhile
location, and was performing a 180-degree pivot, the distinguished
visitant achieved -- with utmost celerity and utilizing a downward
saltation - entry via the smoke ventilation passage. He was clad entirely
in animal pelts soiled by an ebony-like residue from oxidations of
carboniferous fuels. His resemblance to a street vendor could be
attributed largely to the plethora of assorted playthings which he bore
dorsally in a commodious cloth receptacle.
His optical orbs were scintillant with reflected luminosity, while his
submaxillary dermal indentations gave every evidence of an engaging
amiability. The capillaries of his malar regions and nasal appurtenance
were engorged with blood which suffused the subcutaneous layers, the
former approximating the coloration of Albion's floral emblem, the latter
that of the drupe of Prunus avium. His amusing sub- and supralabials
resembled a common loop knot, and their ambient hirsute facial adornment
appeared like small, tabular and columnar crystals of frozen water.
Clenched firmly between his incisors was a nicotine imput device whose
grey fumes, forming a tenuous ellipse about his occiput, were suggestive
of a decorative seasonal circlet of Aquifoliaceae. His visage was wider
than it was high, and when he waxed audibly mirthful, his corpulent
abdominal region undulated in the manner of impectinated fruit syrup in a
hemispherical container. He was, in summary, an obese, jocund,
multigenarian gnome, the optical perception of whom rendered this
observer visibly frolicsome -- despite every effort to refrain from so
being. By rapidly lowering and then elevating one eyelid and rotating his
head slightly to one side, he indicated that trepidation was groundless.
Without utterance and with dispatch, he commenced filling the
aforementioned appended hosiery with various articles of merchandise
extracted from his aforementioned previously dorsally transported cloth
receptacle. Upon completion of this enterprise, he executed an abrupt
about- face, placed a single manual digit in lateral juxtaposition to his
olfactory organ, inclined his cranium forward in a gesture of
leave-taking, and forthwith effected his egress by renegotiating the
smoke ventilation passage. He then propelled himself in a short vector
onto his conveyance, directed a musical expulsion of air through his
contracted oral sphincter to the antlered quadrupeds, and proceeded to
soar aloft in a movement hitherto observable chiefly among the
seed-bearing portions of botanic species such as Onopodon. But your
humble observer overheard the parting exclamation of the aforementioned,
audible immediately prior to his vehiculation beyond the limits of
immediate visibility:
"Ecstatic Yuletide to the planetary constituency, and to
that self-same assemblage, my sincerest wishes for a
salubriously beneficial and gratifyingly pleasurable
remainder of the current nocturnal cycle."
-Unknown
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
------------------------------------------
Patrick Schlichtennmyer
[EMAIL PROTECTED]
<><
----------------------------------------------------------------
"If guns cause violence, then pencils cause misspelled words."-Unknown
________________________________________________________________
GET INTERNET ACCESS FROM JUNO!
Juno offers FREE or PREMIUM Internet access for less!
Join Juno today! For your FREE software, visit:
http://dl.www.juno.com/get/tagj.
