----- Original Message -----
From: "Jean-Louis Couturier" <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
To: <[EMAIL PROTECTED]>
Sent: Tuesday, February 27, 2001 1:51 PM
Subject: Off-topic: What is there to do in Austin this time of year?
> I'll be in Austin next week and considering that the
> list has a few members from that area, I figured that
> your opinions would be better than the usual hotel
> publicity filled publications and town guides.
>
> So, what are the good restaurants?
> What should be visited?
> What are the good radio stations?
> etc.
>
> Jean-Louis Couturier
> (I'll be there for an XML convention and I have free
> passes to the exhibit hall if anyone wants some)
I recieved this in the mail today.......talk about synchronicity. <G>
Travel Guide to Texas
Like it or not, the new White House will be in
Crawford, Texas and soon will be drawing a number of
people to the state, including many who are not used
to Texas ways. They might find the following advice useful.
1)Don't expect to find filet mignon or pasta primavera
at the local restaurant. It's a cafe. They serve
hamburgers and chicken fried steak. Let them cook
something they know. If you confuse them, they'll
kick your ass.
2)Don't laugh at the names (Merleen, Bodie, Bubba,
Bobby Ray,Curley,Tammy Lynn, Billy Joe, Sissy, Clovis,
etc.). Or we will HAVE to kick your ass.
3)Don't order a bottle of pop or a can of soda. In
Texas it's called a coke. Nobody gives a damn whether
it's Pepsi, RC, Dr. Pepper, 7-Up or whatever - it's
still a coke. Accept it. Doing otherwise can lead to
an ass kicking.
4)We know our heritage. Most of us are more literate
than you (read some J. Frank Dobie). We are also
better educated and generally a lot nicer than you.
Don't refer to us as a bunch of cowboy hicks, or we'll
kick your ass.
5)We have plenty of business sense (e.g., Howard
Hughes, H. Ross Perot, Southwest Airlines, Dell
computers). Naturally, sometimes we have small lapses
in judgment (e.g., Phil Gramm). However, we are not
dumb enough to let someone move to our state just so
they can run for the US Senate. If anyone tried to do
that they would get a serious ass kickin'.
6)Don't laugh at our Civil War monuments. If Lee had
listened to Gen. Hood you'd be paying taxes to
Richmond instead of Washington. If you visit the
Alamo, take your hat off and be properly humble, or
we'll kick your ass.
7)We are fully aware of how hot it gets and high the
humidity is, so shut up about it. If you can't stand
the heat get out of the kitchen, or we'll kick your
ass.
8)Do not attempt to eat tamales without first removing
their corn husk casing. Everyone will instantly know
that you're a Yankee. DO NOT, under any
circumstances, complain that the chili is TOO hot or
contains no kidney beans, this will get your ass
kicked into next week.
9)Don't talk about how much better things are at home
because we know they are not. Many of us have visited
Northern hell-holes like Detroit, Chicago, and DC, and
we have the scars to prove it. If you don't like
it here, Delta is ready when you are. Move your ass
on home - before we kick it.
10.Yes, we know how to speak proper English. We talk
this way because we don't want to sound like you. We
don't care if you don't understand what we are saying.
All other Texans understand what we are saying and
that's all that matters. Now, go away, or we'll kick
your ass.
11)Don't complain that certain areas of this state
"smell" of oil. If your livelihood depended on those
wells you'd soon learn to love the aroma. Besides,
none of OUR lakes or rivers have caught fire recently.
If you whine about OUR scenic beauty, we'll kick your
ass all the way back to Pittsburgh, PA.
12)Don't ridicule our Texas manners. We say sir and
ma'am. We hold doors open for others. We offer our
seats to old folks. Such things are expected of
civilized people. Behave yourselves around our sweet
little gray-haired grandmothers, or they'll kick your
ass-just like they did ours.
13)Don't think we're quaint or losers because most of
us live in small towns. We do this because we have
enough sense to not live in crime infested cesspools
like Baltimore. Make fun of our small towns and
we'll kick your ass.
14)DO NOT DARE to tell us how to cook barbecue. This
will get your ass shot (right after it is kicked).
Criticize the barbecue and you may go home in a pine
box-minus your ass.
15)Remember, the only reason you are lucky enough to
be here in the first place is because we have not
pulled the Border Patrol off the Rio Grande and put
them on the Red River (where they really belong) to
keep your ass out.
16)Enjoy your visit.
