On Mon, 25 Jun 2001, Sonja van Baardwijk-Holten wrote:
> Hi all,
>
> Time for new discussions.
>
> I had an off-list e-mail from Ritu. Among other things she had this
> interesting tidbit of cultural difference for me.
>
> >I am awe-struck at the thought of you handling the baby by yourself
> after
> >just 5 days. In India, we have a custom that for 40 days after the
> delivery
> >the girl's mother and aunt/grandmother come to take care of the baby
> and the
> >new mother. All the new mommy has to do is sleep, eat and feed the
> baby. And
> >I thought that was hard :o).
>
> So this inspired a thought:
>
> In The Netherlands it used to be the custum that you stayed in the
> hospital for 10 days after delivery. When you returned home you got
> nursing aid to assist you for another week. But during the last few
> years the 'return to nature' movement has been cutting into that
> tradition deeply. Now a days in The Netherlands you are supposed to
> have your baby at home (something I luckily managed to avoid), then
> get up and start caring for the little one as soon as possible. You
> may slack on the household for a bit since assistance in the household
> is given for about 8 days. If you ask me that is way to short. I was
> really glad to have a somewhat longer rest period before I got full
> responsibillity over my household back again. It still is tough but
> with the aid of family it is somewhat managable. It does help that Tom
> is such an angel. I really got lucky on that part. But I do wonder if
> the Indian custom isn't much better. Would be interesting to compare
> the number of women falling into a depression after giving birth in
> relation to the custom regarding the duration of the recovery period.
I think that Indian tradition is a good thing.
My mom showed up less than 2 hours after we got home.
She left early last Monday. We were on our own until Thursday night, and
the other grandmother is here until sometime Saturday. Then we're on our
own until Tuesday night, when my sister gets here (and she's lived here so
she knows how we do things here, and she enjoys doing some of the chores
we hate the most), and she'll be here for a few days. So out of 6 weeks
after coming home, we're without an extra person to help out less than a
total of 1 week.
What's been driving me crazy is there are a few things I want to go out
and do (frex, getting a present for Dan for our anniversary -- I ought to
get him *something*, he's getting me a new computer, after all!), and I
don't have the energy some days (depending on how much sleep was got) and
the other days, I either have to take Sam with me (a bit of a hassle, and
I've only done that once so far) or I've got a tight time limit.
At least Mom brought her car with her and Dan's mom can drive his without
any trouble, so I've been spared the *necessity* of going out to the
grocery store (except when we don't have anyone else here). And Dan will
have next week off entirely, so he can go all next week and my sister can
be doing other things to help out when she's here.
> Any thoughts on this subject perhaps. Are we 'modern' women (;o)
> )going back to business after delivery too quickly and if so does this
> reflect in the number of women going into depression. Are there other
> post-natal traditions perhaps.
Well, my mom had about a week in the hospital after I was born, went home,
and went back to doing everything, and 6 months later she still wasn't
entirely recovered. Her mother came to help out after my sister was born,
so Mom got a couple of weeks of good rest, and was in much better shape 6
months later. (It didn't help that we moved when I was 4 months old, I
bet. The first move after my sister was born came when she was almost 6
years old, which meant that she wasn't trying to coordinate a move and
care for an infant all at once that time.)
If you have the money, you can hire someone who specializes in taking care
of the house after a baby has been born, or you can hire someone who
specializes in taking care of new mothers, or you can hire someone who
does both. But it's a little pricey. We're lucky we both have mothers
who are delighted to be grandmothers and want to help out.
Oh, and Dan's mother will probably come stay with me the next time Dan
has to travel for business. (And if something comes up and she can't, I
think I've got enough friends that I can have all the help I need without
placing too big a burden on any one person. I'm lucky in that regard, as
well.)
Julia
