On Mon, 17 Nov 2003 [EMAIL PROTECTED] wrote:
> In a message dated 11/17/2003 4:04:29 PM Eastern Standard Time,
> [EMAIL PROTECTED] writes:
>
> > Its certainly true that the actions taken by parents are in response to
> > actions taken by kids. But, I was thinking more of the structure of
> > parenting, not the individual actions, once the if then
> > else structures are
> > in place.
>
> I am not sure I can explain this well but there are some studies that
> show that parenting style is an unconscious response to the childs
> "childing style". The point is that kids have their own agenda that is
> not that of their parents from the very beginning and that parenting
> style is really a dance.
Some of what we've done with Sammy has been on-the-fly, but when we looked
back at what we'd done in response to something and analyzed the
situation, most of what we'd done was determined to be a good response, if
not the best one.
I can already tell that parenting Catherine is going to be somewhat
different from parenting Tommy, and not just for gender-difference
reasons. They're two very different personalities, and what works for one
may not work for the other.
But we're starting with some basic assumptions on what is and is not
appropriate behavior, and communicating that. And we're choosing what we
care most about and concentrating on that. Sammy is somewhat
strong-willed, and if you try to enforce your preference on every little
thing with a kid like that, nobody is going to be happy.
(And Sammy does have his own agenda.)
Julia
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